


Captured and Tempted

by veilleity



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Anders Being an Asshole, Anders being a hero, Angst with a Happy Ending, Forced Voyeurism, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tevinter AU, slave AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:21:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 67,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veilleity/pseuds/veilleity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders and Fenris are captured by Danarius for very different reasons. </p>
<p>This was actually inspired by a prompt on kink meme (http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/13010.html?thread=50933458#t50933458). Although the beginning of this story is a little different, it will eventually entail what was asked for in the prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Hanged Man was buzzing with people. Most of them were laughing, nearly all of them were drinking, some of them were glaring at each other as they were about to start a fight every minute. Like every other night, there was much to see. It was a single woman sitting on the bar that drew Varric's attention, though. She was staring into a mug full of ale, a distant look on her face that made his stomach sink. A few hours ago, one of his contacts had arrived with news on Hawke’s latest mission, but he didn't want to believe what he'd been told before he hadn't spoken to her. The look on her face, though, said more than a thousand words. 

"Hi, Hawke," he greeted, but he failed to keep his tone as light as he intended. Hawke was special, a good friend. She was strong, clever.. talking to her was easy and yet, he just didn’t know what to say to her. Not even the death of her mother had rendered him speechless. 

"Varric," Hawke greeted in return. She didn’t look at him. “I guess you've already heard the news."

Varric sighed. "So it is true, then." 

Hawke grimaced, she opened her mouth as if to say something, but closed it with a shake of her head. 

“What happened?” The dwarf asked quietly. Normally, he wouldn’t press, but they were his friends, too. He needed to know the truth, he needed to hear it from Hawke, someone who had been there. 

"We were ambushed," Hawke began with a wavering voice, finally taking a sip from her ale before she continued. "Danarius..he.. suddenly, there were demons and shades and soldiers. We were outnumbered. I tried to save him. I couldn’t. I.."

“Broody?"

“I dont know what he did to him. I have never seen him so angry in his whole life since I’ve known him.. and you know Fenris.” Varric smiled at that. “When he came too close to Danarius, he hit him with a spell. He went don’t immediately-” Hawke's voice broke at her last words. “I failed him," she whispered. " I said I would help him. I couldn’t.”

"Are you sure he’s dead? After everything Danarius did to get him back, I’m sure he’d rather get him back alive. The elf is pretty resilient, too."

For a moment, Hawke hesitated. “Pretty sure. Danarius’s people handled him pretty roughly, not like a living, injured being. Fenris had once said his old master didn’t care for him, but for the lyrium under his skin. I guess now he has what he wanted.” Her face was grim and she gripped the mug more tightly, her knuckles turning white. “There’s more. Danarius did something to Anders. Without or warrior _and_ our healer, we didn’t stand a chance. They took him, too.” 

So what his messenger had said _was_ true. Varrics shoulders sacked in realization. One of his friends dead, another captured. Fenris deserved better than to die by the hand of his old master. The boy had been through enough and had fought hard for what little freedom he’d had...But where there was no hope left for Fenris, there was still some for Anders. They needed to act, and quickly. 

“Are you planning on leaving for Tevinter?” Varric asked his friend. 

“Tevinter? Why?” Hawke stared at him a little dumbstruck. 

“To go after Blondie? You know, blond guy, about this height, living in Darktown?”

“Maker, Anders!” Hawke yelled, knocking over her ale as she sprang to her feet. “I was so.. every time I closed my eyes, I saw Fenris dead on the ground. Of course we have to safe Anders!” 

Varric smiled sadly. He would mourn the loss of their friend later, as would Hawke. At the moment, he was just glad to have sparked a sense of action in her. He had seen her too often already mourning the loss of a member of her family - their family - helplessly. They wouldn’t lose Anders to that monster as well. And they would avenge Fenris. 

***

Anders blinked at the ceiling. He felt like he was going to be sick, the waves constantly rocking their ship like it was about to flip over every moment. The magebane they had forced down his throat didn’t help, either. It was a vile method, especially given the fact that he’d been captured by a Tevinter magister, a fellow mage. He had tried to wrap his mind around what had happened back in Kirkwall. They hadn’t expected an ambush, they had expected to be ambushed by Danarius coming for his precious little slave even less. Anders had fought tooth and nail to keep his friends save, but in the end, Fenris went down and with their only warrior their only hope to stand a chance in this fight. Anders had expected to die, than, because of the stupid elf. It had come as a surprise to find that Danarius let Hawke and Isabela live - and took him and the unconscious elf prisoner. 

Only to let them rot in this Maker forsaken hole. The small cabin made him feel like being back at Kinloch Hold. There was next to no light, no sound aside from the noise of the sea and except from the sailor who brought his meals and didn’t speak a single word of the Trade’s tongue, there was no one there to talk to. Anders had tried to reach for Justice, but they had put a collar around his neck, the runes seemingly keeping the spirit from conversing with him. It angered him, but first and foremost, it scared him. He hadn’t been left to his own thoughts in years and it was without his friend’s constant nagging, he felt small and alone. He hadn’t been just Anders in a very long time. 

He wasn’t completely alone, though. Of course there was Fenris. In his desperation, Anders was close to even missing his voice, but the elf had been unconscious since they had been captured. As a healer, Anders was naturally concerned for his well-being, even though he was usually just a pain in the ass. Anders had fought hard to keep this reckless elf in good condition - for Hawke’s sake. But there was nothing he could do right now, cut off from his magic and deprived his healing abilities. Still, it was easy to picture the look of disappointment on his friend’s face. All he could do to get rid of the image was to at least check on Fenris’s vital function. His breathing was even, his temperature normal.. His pupils reacted to the little light shining through the little scuttle from time to time. Perhaps he’d been under some kind of sleeping spell. It was hard to tell with the elf. The lyrium under his skin always hinted at something magical going on. Anyway, for now he was well and unaware of his misery. While Anders wasn’t. 

“Blighted elf,” he swore. “You can not even get captured without dragging other people into your shit. I’m sure as soon as you wake up, you’re going to make me the one responsible for your mess.” 

He stared at the sleeping man in the darkness. Fenris didn’t stir. 

“You’re a mage, but you were not mage-y enough to save me. Therefore, you’re the one who did this to be. Because I only accept magic as long as it’s beneficial, otherwise it’s the source of all evil, everything that ever happened to me was because of magic,” he added, trying to mimic the elf’s voice. Again, Fenris didn’t stir. 

Sighing, Anders laid back on the little cot, staring at the ceiling again. He didn’t like Fenris, but he would give everything just to talk to him (or rather fight with him) at the moment. If only to hold back the madness crawling on the edge of his mind, or to calm his rapidly beating heart. 

If only to be not alone. 

***

It was too bright, too warm. Anders was overwhelmed by the sudden change, unable to process all the sensory input fast enough. Some sailor had come by, had hauled him up to his feet and dragged him up through small corridors to the deck of the ship. They must have docked without Anders noticing in his small prison. There were people everywhere at the port, running around, talking loudly. The sun was burning bright and hot and already Anders started to break into a sweat. The smell of fish was overwhelming. His eyes darted over the buildings near the docks. _Tevinter_. The name of the country raced through his mind like a neverending song. 

He had always dreamed coming here when he was younger. A land where mages were free, untouched by the power of the Chantry. A land where mages weren’t told they were a stain to this world. Evil. Yes, he had always wanted to come here. Had planned out his journey in long, lonely nights in the Circle, when he hadn’t been able to sleep. He had never thought he’d come here as a prisoner, though. Orders were yelled at the sailor still holding onto his arm and he was again dragged along roughly. He didn’t resist. Why would he? He was alone, in a foreign country, without his magic. So he followed, still wondering why he had been brought here. 

With Anders in tow, the sailor disembarked and headed straight for the carriages standing near the ship. With dread Anders ogled the one that was clearly meant for prisoners, it’s cabin more a cage with a tiny barred window. He pictured himself in there, alone in the dark and suddenly the sun couldn’t help the cold dread washing over him. It came as a surprise when the soldier stopped in front of the larger carriage, clearly meant for noble passengers. Before Anders could process what was going on, the door to said carriage was opened and he was shoved inside roughly. 

As soon as the door closed, someone clicked his tongue. Anders froze right where he had come to sit. 

“I am sorry. It has proven difficult to find good staff for the ship, they clearly lack a certain amount of manners.” 

Anders stared at the old man in front of him, at the loss what to say. He was dressed in fine robes, golden rings around his fingers as a symbol of status. Anders had seen this man before, once. 

“Again, I apologize. I haven’t properly introduced myself, the sailors must have rubbed off on me.” The man smiled a thin lipped smile at Anders. “I am Danarius of the Imperium of Tevinter, member of the magisterium.”

 

“I am very well aware of who you are,” Anders heard himself say. 

“Of course.” Again, there was this smile on the other mage’s lips. “After all you have come to know my dear Fenris. I’m sure he must have spoken of me at some point. Although I have been told you two didn’t exactly… get along.” 

Anders swallowed hard. Before him sat a fellow mage - a free mage -, a powerful politician, someone he should probably look up to. But he was also Fenris former master, someone who kept people as property and as much as Anders hated the elf, this led to some conflicting feelings. But after their long journey Anders was tired, hungry and overwrought, he couldn’t deal with this, yet.

“Why am I here?” he asked instead. Danarius smiled again, looking out of the window. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?”

Anders followed his gaze. The carriage had started to move, following the winding paths of the city. The buildings were hugely decorated. The citizens were mainly dressed in robes, made of fine silk or other expensive fabrics. There were mages everywhere, laughing with each other, talking, looking at shops. None of them were afraid. Anders saw a little girl practising moves with what looked like a staff. 

“Tevinter is a sanctuary for mages. Every other country in Thedas scolds us for the power we’ve been given. They are afraid, ignorant. They say we are cursed by the Maker, when we have been gifted.” 

“Again, why am I here?” Anders tore his gaze away from the freedom he was confronted with on the streets of this city. 

“When I was looking for my Fenris, I was informed of a very talented mage, a healer, he was acquainted with. It caught my interest that this mage was possessed by a spirit of Justice. I wanted to get to know you.”

“Get to know me?” Anders huffed. “Ever heard of letters? Invitations? You kidnapped me!”

Danarius chuckled. “I admit that my methods had been quite.. unusual. But you were fighting us.” 

“You attacked us first.”

“Merely to get back my property. I wasn’t aware you would be with him. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

Anders only stared at him. “You hurt my friends. You kept me in this dark little cabin for days without letting me know what was going on. And even though I don’t like Fenris, he never wanted to be your slave.”

The smile left Danarius face for a moment and he fixated Anders with a cold stare. “I’m sorry about not telling you and I’m sorry about your friends. As for my Fenris, you don’t know what you are talking about. Before he got his markings, he was the perfect slave. One day he came to me, begging to let him undergo the ritual. He chose to become this, I did him a favour.” Danarius’s voice rose the more he talked. He closed his eyes for a moment to compose himself and took a deep breath, before he continued once again in a calm manner. “I gave him power and that little ungrateful prat ran away. He broke his word and he made a fool out of me. After everything I’ve done for him.”

Anders averted his eyes. The magister in front of him was intimidating on his own, but his cold eyes filled with anger fixed upon himself made his skin crawl. Fenris had always said he had never wanted the markings, the power they gave him. Had he been lying the whole time? Anders didn’t put it past him. Misrepresenting the facts seemed like something the elf would do to be seen in a better life.. or to get something out of it, like Hawke’s help. 

“It still doesn’t explain why I’m here, now,” Anders mumbled. 

“You are a very talented mage and from what I could gathered from reading your manifesto, you’re also a great politician. Both will come to waste in the South. I want to offer you an opportunity.”

 

Anders looked up at Danarius with a frown. “An opportunity?”

 

This brought the smile back to the magister’s face. “I am looking for a new apprentice.”

 

*** 

Anders lay in a too soft, too big bed. The whole room was too big, to be honest. Danarius had told him he was free to leave whenever he wanted, but he asked him to stay at least for a few days to consider his offer. 

An apprenticeship. Anders felt way too old to be an apprentice, but Danarius saw something in him, something special.. Something Anders was curious to discover himself. Never before had someone thought him destined for greatness, but that was exactly what Danarius did. He had read his manifesto, had called him brave for dealing with the Chantry, for rescuing other mages. Anders had been hesitant at first. Even without Justice, leaving his fellow mages in the rest of Thedas behind for his own good felt wrong and selfish. He had a cause, something that gave his life a purpose. But the magister had argued that he could still help his fellow mages, still negotiate with the Chantry.. And more so. As a Tevinter magister, he’d have more power, they would have to listen to him. Of course, Tevinter magister weren’t exactly liked by the Chantry, but he’d become a voice of reason. Perhaps there was even a chance to unite a land of freedom for mages with the rest of the world. Peace instead of war. A chance of change without the extreme plan he had laid out out of helplessness with Justice. It would take time, but eventually he could change things with the political power of a whole country behind him. How could he say no to that? 

Anders wished he could talk to Justice about it, but he still wore the collar. Something Danarius called a precaution. Being alone with his own thoughts still felt odd, but he wasn’t as distressed by it as he had been in the beginning. It helped that he wasn’t held captive in a small cabin anymore. This new room was full of light and he could hear people talking outside in the courtyard. He wasn’t alone anymore. More than that, actually: he was in the company of people who were just like him. 

Anders sighed happily. Danarius would await his decision in a few days. Somehow, Anders knew he had already made that decision. He would stay. He would be a free mage in a land full of free mages. He would work hard and he would do anything in his power to help the mages who weren’t that lucky. 

***

As Danarius apprentice, Anders quickly learned to live the life of a nobleman. Even though free time was rare, he enjoyed walking through the opulent mansion and the gardens. He also enjoyed being cared for. He didn’t have to clean his own chambers, there were servants - slaves - doing that for him. When he was hungry, all he had to do was ring a bell and someone would bring him his favourite food. It was like a dream had come true and after living in a stinking hole in Darktown, giving himself up for others for years, he found he deserved it. Even though his work as an apprentice took most of his time, he didn’t mind it. It wasn’t as draining as his life at the clinic. When he was working under the magister, he usually had to attend to various political gatherings. His duty was to listen carefully, to write down important things, to learn. Home at the mansion, Danarius had him study everything about Tevinter society. He also had him look into his recent research concerning lyrium and lyrium infused upgrades. Anders had fleetingly thought about Fenris than. He hadn’t seen the elf since he had left the ship, which had been roughly two weeks ago, also he had no doubt he was somewhere in the mansion. Danarius would keep him close by after his escape, that much was for sure. But Anders couldn’t find it in him to feel sorry for the man. Fenris had never helped with the mages, quite the contrary. If their roles would be reversed, Anders was sure the elf wouldn’t lift a finger to get him out of the Templar’s reach. He had railed against everything concerning magic and mages and Anders had listened to it long enough. If Danarius spoke the truth and Fenris had asked for the markings, the elf had brought this all down to himself. 

Besides, Danarius seemed to treat his slaves good. Anders was still against slavery, the idea of owning people was simply wrong and it was just as worst as being held in the Circle for his whole life. But he was just one man and he couldn’t right all the wrongs in the world. If he could, he would try to find a solution to this slave situation as well, but his first priorities were the mages in Thedas. Surely Justice would agree to that, if Anders would get rid of the collar eventually.

Tonight he wouldn’t think on it. Tonight was special. Never before had Anders eaten so much delicious food. The food in Danarius’s mansion was always rich and tasty, only the best was good enough for a Tevinter magister after all. Tonight, though, he had invited some friends. Anders had stood happily at the entrance to greet them as Danarius introduced him as his new apprentice. After all, that was mainly why Danarius had invited half of the Tevinter nobility: to introduce Anders, to let him shake the right hands, let him talk to the right people. If he was going to rise the ranks of the magisterium one day, he was supposed to be known by all of them. The room was buzzing, people were laughing and talking - Anders took a look around and it reminded him of the Hanged Man, though they didn’t serve cheap beer and the people were better dressed and also smelled better. 

The Hanged Man, Kirkwall. Anders hadn’t really had the time to think about his old home. In the two weeks he’d been in Tevinter, he’d been so very busy. He should write to Hawke, let her know that he was alright and what he was planning to do. Perhaps she could even join him in Tevinter. Hawke was a mage, too, after all. She also had something about her that made people look up to her. Following her was easy and he would gladly follow her advice in his new position as a soon to be Tevinter magister. 

For now, though, he was alone. Clicking glasses with important people, smiling, laughing at jokes. He wasn’t used to that kind of life, but he would like to change that. 

“Exhausting, isn’t it?” 

Anders looked up at the handsome man leaning against the wall next to him as he had searched a quiet moment on the balcony. He hadn’t even heard him approaching, but being far away from Kirkwall, he was sure his visitor wasn’t posing a threat. 

“It is,” he answered with a smile. From the look the other man gave here, he came out to meet him for a reason. Anderes smile changed into a smirk. For the first time he was truly free. He was going to enjoy this night. After all, the life in Tevinter wasn’t all work. 

***

“Master Anders?” 

Anders looked up sleepily. He felt sated and happy as his handsome follower had proved to be very talented not only in his magical abilities. The slave standing in his doorway made Anders frown. This were his private quarters, he expected to be left alone here.. if only to have a one night stand with a beautiful stranger during his party. 

“What is it?” he questioned, trying to hold his irritation at bay as he could already see the tiny elf before him tremble with anxiety. 

“Master Danarius is looking for you. He wants you to come back to the dining room immediately.”

“Alright,” Anders huffed. “I will be there in a minute.”

 

The slave bowed and hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her. Anders let himself sink into bed once more with a suffering sigh. 

“You shouldn’t let him wait, you know? If there’s one thing Danarius despises it’s disobedience.”

 

“I’m not his slave,” Anders retorted, getting out of bed and pulling on some clothe nonetheless. His hair was a mess, but if he could find his hair tie, there was still some hope left to appear representable. 

“You’re his apprentice, that’s even worse,” his one time lover answered with a chuckle. 

Anders only rolled his eyes. Danarius was strict, yes, but he was not cruel, despite what he’d heard from Fenris. Still, he should risk angering him. Perhaps it had been foolish to leave the party held on his behalf but he had been living the moment, enjoying his freedom. 

“Well, in this case, I should make a run,” he said with a wink. “Will you see yourself out?”

“Of course. Run to your master, fly bird.”

With a laugh, Anders left his bedroom and hurried through the corridors. His private chambers weren’t very far from the dining room. It would only take him a few minutes to get there.. he was wondering what Danarius would want of him. He’d already been introduced to everyone. A late visitor perhaps? 

Anders noticed that the party was still going on. The room was still bursting with people and he was sure no one would have missed him. 

“Where have you been?” Danarius hissed as soon as he approached him. 

“At my chamber. I.. needed a moment alone, it’s a little bit overwhelming.”

“Alone, huh?” Danarius looked at his robe and Anders felt heat rising to his cheeks as he noticed they were buttoned up the wrong way. With quick fingers, he righted them and turned back to Danarius. The look on the magister’s face was unreadable and somehow that made Anders squirm. With a gesture of his hand, Danarius ordered him to follow. Anders did hurriedly. He didn’t want to anger Danarius further. He was able to be a good student, but his rebellious and hedonic traits had often got the better of him back in the Circle. He didn’t want to make the same mistake, twice, not when he had been given a real chance to do something great. 

“You remember magister Erimond?” his mentor asked as they came to an halt in front of a tall human man with black hair. Anders remembered being introduced to him, but he had trouble learning the right name matching the right face. He had always been scolded by his teachers for not paying enough attention, perhaps some things never change. 

“Of course,” he lied, inclining his head in greeting. 

“I’ve heard you’re from the Anderfels. How did you come to stumble upon Danarius’s little experiment?” Erimond asked. Anders only blinked in confusion. 

“He referred to my Fenris,” Danarius clarified with a short laugh. 

“Oh,” Anders said. He didn’t feel comfortable to talk about Fenris, but it would be considered rude to avoid the question. “Well, I’m born in the Anderfels, but I’ve been living in Ferelden for most of my life. After the blight, I went to Kirkwall to help the mages there. Fenris had been living there, too.”

“Ah, so that’s where the little brat’s been hiding. Templar infested town, almost clever,” Erimond laughed. The drink he was holding in his hand was clearly not his first one. 

Danarius smiled at him. “My little wolf isn’t dumb, that much is for sure. At the moment, though, he doesn’t know what’s good for him.”

“You will make him learn, that much’s for sure. And you can finally keep your promise.”

“I will. It will do him some good, actually. He has to learn his place again,” Danarius sighed and looked thoughtful for a moment. 

“Anders,” he said, turning to him. Anders looked up, unsure how he felt about this whole dialog. It was easier to forget about Fenris when no one simply talked about him. Now, he had this churning feeling in his stomach. “I want you to accompany Erimond to Fenris’s cell. Assist him, if he needs any aid.”

“I..I don’t even know where Fenris’s cell is,” Anders stammered. He didn’t really want to be confronted with him, either. Danarius only waved his hand and the elven slave that had come to his private chambers earlier appeared next to him. 

“Elora will show you,” he simply said, already turning on his heels. Erimond smirked at him. 

“Alright, let’s go.” 

***

Erimond persisted asking Anders about his past and Anders obediently replied to everything. They were following Elora down stairs in a part of the mansion Anders had never been to. It was much quieter here, darker, too. But wherever the elf was held at the moment, he deserved it, Anders reminded himself. He was no friend of his, anyway, just another mage hating hypocrite. 

“Living in the Circle must have been hard,” Erimond stated. There was true compassion in his voice and Anders smiled at him. 

“It was. I want to make things better for other mages in the rest of Thedas. No mage should be imprisoned just for being born.”

“I agree with you. Outside Tevinter, the majority of people are superstitious idiots. They think simply conversing with a mage will call the Maker’s wrath upon them. The Chantry does a great job at feeding them lies.” 

“With the aid of the magisterium, perhaps we will be able to end this.” Again, Anders smiled at him. Perhaps Erimond would be the first ally aside from Danarius in his fight for mage rights outside of Tevinter. Perhaps with his aid, he could convince the other magisters..- 

“We’re there, Master,” Elora said evenly, snatching Anders out of his thoughts. They had come to an halt in front of a massive wooden door. The corridor they were in was quiet, no evidence of the party going on somewhere else in this mansion. 

“You’re dismissed,” Erimond said, not even looking at the slave who bowed and hurried away quickly. The magister held his hand to the lock which started to glow faintly before it clicked open. A magical lock, something Anders had never seen before. Tevinter was full of wonders and he awed at it for a moment before following Erimond inside. 

“You!” came a familiar snarl as soon as he set foot inside the small room. He didn’t even need to turn his head to know the source of this voice. But when he did turn his head to look at the elf, he felt like he’d been struck in the face. 

Fenris was sitting on the floor. The chains holding him in this place only long enough to reach the chamber pot a few paces away from where he was currently sitting. He was naked, dirty, with dark circles under his eyes. The skin on his chest was black and blue, some of his bruises already turning green and yellow on their edges, showing their age. He looked _starved_.  
Just like on the ship, Anders felt offended. He had poured a lot of energy into that body to keep him alive and well. Fenris was alive, but he was far from being well at the moment. 

“Hello, Fenris,” he greeted, trying to keep his tone even. 

“ _You_!” he snarled again. “What are you doing here?” 

“I am Danarius’s new apprentice.”

Fenris laughed hollowly. It was a sound that chilled Anders to his bones. 

“How fitting. A snake among snakes.”

Anders tried to look bored. Fenris had never thought highly of him and he had stopped listening to all the vile things and accusations spilling from the elf’s mouth. It made seeing him like this easier, nonetheless. Why should he care for him, anyway? 

Erimond stepped over to Fenris who was still glaring at Anders. 

“Watch your mouth, Fenris,” he hissed in a low tone. “You are speaking to your superior.”

“He is not my superior,” Fenris hissed back. “Nor are you.”

Erimond clicked his tongue at that, something Anders had often observed in Danarius as well.

“You have forgotten your place, little pet,” he said in an almost sad voice. 

“I will never again submit to you,” Fenris spat angrily. 

“We shall see.”

Without warning, Erimond kicked Fenris in his stomach, hard. The elf hissed at the pain and curled in on himself. 

“I will make sure you will learn your place again. No matter how long it takes,” Erimond hissed as he sank on his knees right in front of the elf. Fenris gasped in pain and surprise as he was pushed onto his back roughly, pinned down by Erimond’s weight within seconds. Already the magister was fumbling at his robes and Anders, who was still standing by the door, was frozen in shock. He saw what was about to happen, knew it, but his mind just couldn’t process that it was really happening. Erimond, the man he had chattered with amiable just minutes ago was going to force himself on Fenris. 

But Fenris came slowly back to himself, recovering from the nasty kick he’d just received. Anders jumped at the elf’s the furious cry as he started to struggle against the taller human above him in earnest. Even starved and hurt, Fenris was strong and Erimond was having trouble holding him down. Fenris managed to pull one of his legs out of the man’s grip and immediately kicking at the magister’s chest and face. With an undignified sound, Erimond fell backwards on the ground. Chains rattling, Fenris scrambled away as far as he could, pulling his legs up to his own chest. 

“You little bitch,” Erimond snarled, rubbing at the skin where Fenris had hit him. There was a tiny trail of blood running down his nose and Anders felt a change of energy in the air that made his blood run cold. Quietly, he prayed to the Maker that this whole thing would be over now, that Erimond would just stand up and leave the room with a dramatic departure..but the Maker had never listened to his prayers before. 

Erimond got up to his feet again and stared at Fenris. There was nowhere for the elf to flee to when the mage pulled at the chains bound to his ankles. He was dragged over the stone floor and Erimond pinned him down again in mere seconds. 

“A little help here,” he called to Anders, who was still standing by the door. Absolutely horrified, he looked at Erimond, then at Fenris. The elf didn’t even notice his hesitation, too caught up in his struggle against his attacker. 

“Hold. Him. Down.” Erimond ordered again, his voice like cold steel. Again, Anders didn’t react. His body wouldn’t obey, no matter how hard he tried. He was torn between helping Erimond and helping Fenris. The magister huffed with the effort to keep Fenris from freeing himself again. 

“Fine,” he snarled and with a gesture of his hand, Fenris suddenly went limp under him. 

Suddenly, everything was very quiet, the sound of a fight completely gone. Fenris had stilled, but his eyes were still open, glaring at the man above him. In the quiet, the rustling of Erimond’s robes were overly loud. Anders stared at the magister in disbelief when he opened the front of his robe, exposing his erection. He could no longer look at the man and stared at the helpless slave under him instead. He noticed how Fenris squeezed his eyes shut in pain where Erimond grunted in pleasure as he entered him. He saw how his limp body was rocked back and forth by brutal thrusts and even though he knew it was happening right there in front of him, Anders still couldn’t believe it was actually happening. He had no idea how long he had been standing there, but with a final grunt from Erimond, it was over and Anders was pulled out of his trance like state.  
As the magister sat up, he hurried over to Fenris, healing magic already glowing in his palms. 

“Don’t!” Erimond hissed, grabbing his wrist. Anders stared at his red face, his glassy eyes. 

“He needs healing,” Anders stated in a shaking voice. Erimond gripped his wrist even tighter and dragged him along as he attempted to leave the room. 

“We can’t leave him like this!” Anders protested. 

Erimond made another gesture with his hand and Anders could hear a low grunt coming from Fenris. Before he could get a look at the elf, Erimond shut the door behind them, dragging him along back through the dark corridors. It was perfectly quiet again, at least after the long bloodcurdling wail from Fenris’s cell had stopped.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your comments and kudos :)

“It’s for the greater good,” Anders saw the man in the mirror say, accompanied by his own voice. He had repeated it over and over again over the last week, hoping that one day, the picture of Fenris would stop haunting him. 

_A snake among snake_. After what Erimond had done, the comparison truly hurt. He was a healer, he had helped countless people in Darktown who would had had otherwise died. He had also kept _Fenris_ from dying several times. How could the elf compare him to someone like Erimond? It wasn’t the first time Anders followed that line of thought. It usually managed to spark some sense of anger in him and tried to tell himself that Justice would agree with him on this. Fenris had no right to compare him to a rapist when all he’d ever done was trying to help people. But in the back of his mind, there was this tiny voice. _You haven’t helped him, then._

Anders wondered if Danarius knew what his fellow magister had done to Fenris but he didn’t dare to ask in fear to stir something up and risk his position. He had seen Erimond visit the mansion often, though he had never again been asked to accompany him to Fenris’s cell. That night after they’d left Fenris, the magister had reproached him for not holding his victim down when asked to. Anders had not been able to argue, still too shocked after what he’d just seen. The next time Erimond showed up, had been relieved the other man chose to visit Fenris without him, but relief had quickly been washed away by shame. Anders was glad he would no longer have to witness what the magister did to the elf, but even though _he_ wouldn’t be there, it would still be _happening_. Fenris was down there, exposed to Erimond’s every whims. The thought was disturbing to say and least and Anders tried to keep himself occupied to avoid thinking about it too much. He studied harder than ever before and sat down deep into the nights to go over Danarius’s research. He _needed_ to force his mind to focus on other things, otherwise he’d be haunted by what he’d see every waking minuted. 

Anyway, distraction only worked for so long and it had become somewhat harder to enjoy the merits of living in Tevinter. When he wasn’t needed, Anders often found himself venturing to the part of the mansion where Fenris’s cell was - he never dared to descend the stairs, though. What good would it do, anyway? He wasn’t able to help Fenris and he wasn’t sure the elf would even let him. Nevertheless, Anders would just stay there, not even knowing _why_ he’d come here. Just like today.

“Hello, Anders.”

Anders paled as Erimond strode confidently towards him, four slaves and a healer in tow. In horror he noted the blood on the magister’s sleeves that stained the fabric almost up to his elbows. The slaves behind him looked perfectly unharmed, the neutral expression something Anders had found disturbing in slaves since he’d come to Tevinter. It reminded him of the Tranquil mages in the Circle, robbed of all emotion. The healer, thought, looked slightly shaken. 

“Hello, Erimond,” Anders greeted in return even though he actually wanted to run away from him or punch him in his face. Unfortunately, Erimond was a close friend of Danarius and spoiling things with him would probably anger his mentor and thus risk his own position within the household. He couldn’t let that happen, he just _couldn’t_. No matter how much he despised the man in front of him. 

“Care to accompany me to Danarius? I’d like to speak with him.” Even though it was worded as a question, Anders knew he didn’t have much choice. Walking next to the magister made his skin crawl, but denying him would be considered rude. After all, Anders had learned a lot about Tevinter society lately. Walking next to the magister, he listened to Erimond’s idle talk about the newest reforms concerning trades, glad the other man didn’t expect him to contribute much to the conversation. 

“Erimond, what brings you here? Did we have an appointment?” Danarius questioned with a smile, as they entered his office. Anders could see that he was irritated by the interruption despite his polite smile. Danarius didn’t like surprises, he liked order and obedience. Something that had let him climb the ranks of the magisterium at a very young age, as Anders had learned.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be leaving Minrathous tomorrow for a few days. I can’t help you with your slave for a while.”

“Oh,” Danarius eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Do you have business outside the Imperium?” 

“No, just outside Minrathous.” Erimond smiled. Danarius eyed him up and down. 

“How is my Fenris?” he asked. 

“He’s making progress, I think.” Again, Erimond smiled. 

“You didn’t permanently damage him, did you?” Danarius looked pointedly at the blood on his sleeve. 

“Don’t worry, your healer took care of him.”

“Cato?” Danarius huffed with clear distaste in his voice. “I hope he’s been able to heal my Fenris properly. The boy is far from talented. Next time, take Anders with you.”

“W-what?” Anders stammered. Already he felt his stomach churn at the thought of going down there again. Standing by helplessly was one thing, being actively involved another. He was a healer, he didn’t want to torture _anyone_. Erimond only eyed him with a sour expression at his mentor’s suggestion. 

“That will not be necessary,” he said, a little bit too quick. Out of the corner of his eyes, Anders saw Danarius’s eyes upon them both, an amused smile on his lips. 

“Very well,” he heard his mentor say and he felt some of the tension leaving his body. The two magister’s started talking about the upcoming political gathering and even though Anders should be listening, his thoughts drifted back to Fenris. _’He is one of my friends,’_ he heard Hawke’s voice in his head and actually flinched at the hurt obvious in her voice. He still hadn’t written her. Surely she’d worry about them; yet another reason to feel guilty. Anders hoped she hadn’t been hurt too badly in the fight. What if she hadn’t been able to get home? What if..- 

Anders winched at the sound of a door being shut. Erimond was gone and Danarius was looking at him with the same amused expression he’d seen earlier on his face.

“Are you being jealous, Anders?”

“Jealous?” Anders asked nonplussed, unable to follow his mentor’s line of thought.

Danarius chuckled. “I’m sure my Fenris put on quite a show the last time you’ve been down there? You must have _ached_ to put him into his place.”

Anders swallowed against the lump in his throat, Fenris wail as they’d left him echoing in his ears.

“Erimond is gone for at least a few days. If you want, you can proceed what he has started.”

 

Anders stared at Danarius in sudden horror. Again, his reaction drew only a chuckle from the older man.

“You’ve been doing so well in the past few weeks. I should have rewarded you a while ago.”

Anders head started swimming. Again he asked himself if Danarius _knew_ what Erimond had done to Fenris. Perhaps he’d expected his fellow magister to simply torture his rebellious slave but rape? Gathering what little courage he had, he decided to let Danarius know..

“You want me to..,” he cleared his throat. “Sleep with Fenris?”

The answer was a short laugh from the man in front of him. Danarius stood up from his desk and went over to the window, looking out of it for a few minutes before he turned around to face Anders with a smile once more. 

“You let it sound like he’s supposed to be your lover. He’s a slave, Anders, a tool.This is not about sex. It’s about dominance. Unfortunately, my Fenris has grown rather defiant since he’s come home. I trust you to show him his place. As my apprentice, he’s supposed to listen to you in the future.”

Anders had no idea how to handle that information. So Danarius knew. And he approved of Erimond’s methods. 

“I’m not sure this is going to work,” he tried to argue weakly.

“Oh, it always has,” Danarius answered with a smirk. “I believe with time, my Fenris will remember who he belongs to. If not.. well, I can always wipe his mind again. Though I’d prefer him to remember his failed attempt at turning from me.”

He looked at Anders expectantly, waiting for a decision to an offering the healer still hadn’t really processed.

“Just think on it,” Danarius prompted. “From what I’ve heard, Fenris had sabotaged you from the start. Think about all the vile things he’s said and done to you, to mages in general. There is no place for sentimentalism because he was once a friend of a friend You don’t have to hold back, here. You’re a mage, _he_ is just a slave.”

Anders was unable to react. He would have like to scream, to yell at Danarius at how _wrong_ this all was...but he kept quiet and the satisfied smirk wouldn’t leave the magister’s face. 

“Tempting, isn’t it? There are just two rules: you are not allowed to show him any kindness and you are also not allowed to damage his body permanently. As a healer, I guess you will see to the second without any outside assistance.”

“Thank you,” Anders mumbled. He had no idea why he actually thanked Danarius, but thought he’d heard a compliment in the last sentence. The rest? It was surreal. Thank you for offering me to rape and torture someone? It seemed like that was what Danarius picked out of it and his smirk turned into a warm smile. 

“You’re welcome. As I said, you should have received a reward days ago. You know, some friends kept telling me making you my apprentice would be a risk, that you’ve been brainwashed by your Chantry too long to fit into Tevinter society. But you keep proving yourself worthy. It seems I’ve made the right decision after all.”

***

Danarius behavior towards Anders changed over the last two days after their conversation concerning Fenris. He had always been polite towards his student but now there was something akin to fatherly warmth in his demeanor. It was the way he looked at Anders, the way he smiled at him when he explained the fineness of Tevinter politics and magical research and the mere fact that he accompanied Anders during his walks in the gardens. For the first time in his life, Anders had made a teacher proud and he would have beamed at the attention, the praise.. but for Anders, things had changed as well. _He is a tool, a slave._ The words were still ringing in his ears whenever the magister was near and Anders had to force himself to look him in the eye.

 _’It’s for a greater good,’_ he told himself over and over again in front of the mirror as he put his hair into a ponytail. Tonight would be another gathering at the mansion. Not as big as the last one, but the most important people would still be there. The slaves had been busy with preparation the whole day long and the delicious smell coming out of the kitchen made Anders’s stomach growl. Anders had lost his appetite. One of the slaves he’d seen with Erimond worked in the kitchen staff and every time Anders saw the man, it was a constant reminder of what had been going on down there. The slave on the other hand was going on with his life as if nothing had ever happened. But as a slave, what other option did he have? What option did Anders have? 

With a groan, Anders clutched at his face, covering it from the mirror confronting him with someone he had never wanted to become. _Why_ did the elf have to spoil everything? Anders had been content in Tevinter, finally free from the Templars. He had plans for doing something _great_ , for saving young mages to be thrown into Circles that lectured about how they were a burden, worthless and evil. He wanted to put a stop on innocent mages being tortured, put into solitary confinement or made tranquil for _nothing_. He had seen so much tragedy in his life in the Circle, had experienced some of it first-hand. He wanted to _protect_ other mages from that fate. And now there was Fenris, haunting his mind by mere existing somewhere down there in his cell, distracting him from what he was supposed to focus on. 

Anders peered through his fingers, watching his reflection in the mirror once more. He looked like a stranger to him. With another sigh, Anders turned and went over to the dresser. Danarius had someone buy a new fine robe for the party tonight, but he couldn’t enjoy the feeling of fine silk on his skin when he put them on. He felt alone and overwhelmed. If he could only get the collar off.. but Danarius held the key and they hadn’t talked about Justice, yet. Perhaps, if he was doing well tonight, he could ask if the magister would allow him to take the collar off. Perhaps not even permanently, just for a little _while_. Justice would know what to do, confirm Anders’s decision. Anders wasn’t used to being a leader, to make important decisions. Upon leaving Fereldan, he had talked to Justice about every step they’d taken and well, then there had been Hawke stepping into his life. Hawke had supported him in his efforts, had stood up against Templars and the Chantry. She had always been fair and reasonable, reliable..a good friend. The first friend he’d had in a long time aside from Justice. 

And he now he was here, dressed in fine robes, about to go on a party while another friend of Hawke was being tortured in the very same mansion. 

Angry with himself, Anders slammed the door shut behind him. Hawke wasn’t here, she had no idea what it was like, what opportunities he had been presented with. Alter all she had never been the one living in Darktown, being confronted with everyone the Chantry failed to help every day. She hadn’t lived in a Circle, either. She’d had a loving family and a bunch of friends.. And family and friends always came first for her, Anders knew that. He also knew she’d look at him with disdain, knowing he’d let Fenris rod down there in his cell. But Hawke wasn’t here and Anders was, and he’d had to swallow his guilt down. For a greater good.

***

The party proved to be very different from the last one he’d attended to. The crowd consisted of members of the magisterium and their apprentices only. Anders knew there were a lot of political movement and backstabbing going on at the moment and he saw more than one person giving another an evil eye. Overall, the tension in the room was palpable. Anders knew that Danarius had bodyguard, he also knew they’d been present on the last party, invisible in the shadows. This time, though, they were right next to his mentor for everyone plain to see. Two armoured man who didn’t move nor speak, their grim looks intimidating on their own. And intimidation seemed to be tonight’s motto as Danarius was not the only one keeping his bodyguards close by. It made Anders feel like he’d been thrown into a snake pit, not knowing which one was venomous.

He talked to everyone with great cautious and tried to stick to the few apprentices he’d already spoken to at the last party. His handsome one night stand was present, too, but Anders didn’t dare to start something tonight no matter how tempting it was. 

After an opulent dinner and a lot of talking, Danarius asked everyone to stand into a circle. He had hired two artists to entertain his guests and Anders was marveling at their performance right from the start. it was unlike anything he’d ever seen before. With simple gestures, the artists created pictures made ice and fire, the elements bending to their wills as if it were nothing. They told a dramatic story about love and war and Anders wasn’t sure if the words telling him about it were actually read aloud or had simply been projected right into his mind. The latter would have been a scary thought, had the whole performance not been so utterly _beautiful_. It was magic beyond good or evil. It was simply _art_. 

Everyone in the room seemed smitten with amazement and the crowed cheered when the two mages finished with a tragic ending. Anders was absolutely speechless. He would have to tell Hawke about it when he’d finally find the time to write to her. Perhaps tonight he’d finally find some time to sit down in his room. After this show, he was way too excited to go to sleep soon. But the evening was not yet over as the ending of the show bridged into a contest between a few magisters. Even though some of them were political opponents, everything went peaceful up to when a young magister bowed in front of the crowd and spoke up to Danarius.

“Danarius, as the host of this party, you have the honour of the last spell," he proclaimed. Though not worded as such, it was a challenge and everyone present knew. Danarius looked at the man, something dangerous flashing in his eyes briefly. Declining such a request would be considered rude and all eyes were upon him as the crowd awaited his reaction. 

“Very well,” Danarius finally answered with a short not, his voice uncaring. Without further hesitation he stepped forward in front of the crowed. Anders awaited his mentor’s trick with excitement. Opportunities to see the other mage in action had been rare since his arrival.  
It only took a single gesture of Danarius’s hand to command his bodyguards and Anders heard a terrified sob as one of them gripped the nearest slave and brought him towards the center of attention. It struck Anders how young he was. Twelve, thirteen perhaps..he shouldn't probably be working here all night. When he had been his age, Anders had been in the Circle, studying.. - 

When Anders saw the flash of light catching on the blade Danarius had pulled from his belt, it was already too late. The boy gasped in surprise, trying to catch his breath, but it soon became a gurgling noise as blood spurted out of a nasty cut on his throat. Anders didn’t realized he had been moving before he stood right in front of the bleeding boy. The boy looked at him with a shocked expression, begging him with his eyes to do _something_. And Anders did. 

“Stop that!” Danarius hissed but Anders’s hands already glowed with healing magic. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t listen to his mentor right now. Every fibre of his being _screamed_ for him to act, to help, to heal…he couldn’t stand by and watch Danarius murder an innocent child. The slave went into a coughing fit after Anders was done healing the wound, finally able to breath again. The boy’s hands released Anders’s rob. He’d clung to them at some point without Anders noticing, leaving blood on the expansive fabric. Anders simply didn’t care. A breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding left his body in a relieved rush. 

“Easy,” he soothed, clutching the boy’s shoulders to steady him. Slowly, the coughing stopped and he was staring at him in wonder. Someone started clapping and Anders whirled around to look at the staring crowd he’d totally forgotten about. Haltingly, the rest of the magisters joint into the applause. 

“What a rare display of power, a true spirit healer! Danarius, giving the honour of the last spell to your apprentice was both a pleasant twist and a display of great skill. I bet no one in this room would have been able to heal a wound as deep as this!” Lavinia, the woman who had initiated the applause, stepped in front of the other guests, smiling. Her smile was too wide and Anders knew as well as every other person in the room that she was simply trying to save her friend’s face. A face that didn’t show any emotion when Anders turned around to look at Danarius.

***

“You embarrassed me in front of nearly every member of the magisterium.” Danarius spoke the words in a very low tone. He just stood there unmoving in front of Anders inside his office after everyone else had left. The dark energy that kept radiating off him made Anders squirm. He felt caged in a room with a powerful bloodmage. Had Justice been there, he might stand a chance against him if his mentor choose to attack him. Without him? He’d be dead within seconds.

“If not for Lavinia, I would have send you away to your Templar invested city right now!” Danarius went on. Anders glanced up for a moment, but Danarius was staring at him with such intense anger that he looked down immediately. 

“I’m sorry. I just.. I acted on pure muscle memory.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, though Anders wasn’t sure he’d acted any differently if he’d been aware of what he’d been doing. That boy was _dying_. For what? A trick? A display of power? 

Anyway, Danarius voice softened just a tinge as he spoke again. “You haven’t been in Tevinter for a long time. I trust you this will not happen again.”

The sudden change made Anders nervous, but he felt himself nod as an answer. It was a promise he was sure he wouldn’t been able to keep, but he would think about that later. At the moment, he was just trying not to get killed. 

“However, you will be punished for this transgression. I don’t need to mention that your reward has lapsed with what you’ve done tonight, but I still want you to go down to see my Fenris. You are _not_ allowed to touch him, though. You will stay with him for a few days and see to his healing and nothing else. As long as Erimond is absent, I will sent other men down to see to him.”

Anders stared at the floor, his own heartbeat overloud in his ears. He would be allow to stay in Tevinter, to continue his apprenticeship. A few moments ago, he’d thought Danarius might kill him. And perhaps he had, because with the declaration of his punishment, it still felt like something inside him had just died.


	3. Chapter 3

Instead of bringing Anders down to Fenris’s cell himself, Danarius’s healer stood beside him in front of the wooden door that had haunted his sleep. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, Anders had never seen the magister go down here to see Fenris. It was kind of strange, though. Fenris was his slave, he saw him as property and still, he hadn’t seen him since they’d left Kirkwall.. 

“I know you’re into trouble now, but helping that slave.. I think you’ve done the right thing.” Danarius’s healer offered as he looked at Anders with sympathy. 

Anders nodded without looking up, still staring at the door. Cato was a healer after all, of course he’d understand.. those who actually _choose_ to become a healer where a specific kind of person. There were a lot of mages able to do healing, but most were more interested in learning how to set things on fire. Anders had become good at both over time, fighting next to the Warden and Hawke, but healing was something that came way easier to him. Running a free clinic in Darktown had been a lot of trouble. He had often stayed up late to heal people, had starved himself so poor families had something to eat.. it had slowly taken up on his life energy. Now in Tevinter his need to help had become a real threat. He had know idea how long it would take him to break down in this cell.. Watching Cato’s movement, Anders took a deep breath when the magical door was opened with a click. 

“Don’t use magic when you’re not told to,” Cato whispered a last advice. “Danarius will know.”

Anders nodded and smiled weakly, then he took the final step over the door sill. Without another word, Cato closed the door behind him. The air inside was stale, but Anders was used to that. At least it wasn’t completely dark due to some magical lights, though when his eyes fell on his future roommate, he almost wished it was. Fenris stared at him with a wild look. He was even thinner than the last time Anders had seen him, his rips standing out starkly and he had lost some of his muscle mass to being tied up with no room to move for a long time. They were alone in their prison, just like they’d been on the ship. Only this time, Fenris was awake. 

“I’ve wondered when you’d show up,” the elf croaked. His lips were chapped from dehydration and his eyes glassy. “Just hurry up, I’m tired.” He lay down on his back, opening his legs. 

Anders watched him with distaste. Of course Fenris would think he’d come to rape him. The second he’d known Anders was a mage, Fenris had only ever expected the worst of him. As if Anders had ever given him any reason to! He’d never hurt Fenris, had always healed him in battle..no matter what he did, all he’d ever be to Fenris was a _mage_ , something evil. But he had come down here to care for his well-being, Danarius had been very clear with his instructions. Anders didn’t know if Cato had been officially assigned as the elf’s healer, but if so, he’d done a poor job. Without enough water and food, the elf’s body would slowly suffer a certain amount of damage. 

“Here, drink,” Anders said as he took a flash of water out of his pack. He wouldn’t give Danarius another reason to be angry with him by letting Fenris come to harm. He’d be provided with more water soon, anyway. Fenris got up from his place on the floor immediately, almost letting the bottle slip in his haste as snatched it from Anders. He took a few greedy gulps before he suddenly stopped drinking and eyed the content warily. 

“It’s not poisoned,” Anders sighed in exasperation. To his surprise, his word seemed to ensure him enough to start drinking again. The mage took another look around the room. He’d been given a bedroll as there were no bed or cots. Already he missed the plushy bed in his own chambers. How long would Danarius force him to live down here? Deciding to put as much space between him and Fenris for his stay, he went over to the far end of the room, putting down his bedroll and unpacking the few things he’d been allowed to take. A few books, a feather and a few sheets of paper. 

“What have you done?” Anders turned around and caught Fenris watching him curiously over the bottleneck. 

“Nothing. Danarius just wants me to look after you for a while,” he lied. Fenris only giggled loudly at that. The sound was unfamiliar coming from the elf and Anders looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Great. Although he couldn’t blame him, Fenris had obviously gone made down here. 

“Danarius would never make a mage live down here, even for a few _days_. Not without reason.” 

Anders remained silent at that. Fenris didn’t need to hear of his heroic act, he’d probably not believe him anyway. 

“Have you made out with one of his favourite slaves?” Fenris asked in a sweet voice. Anders pressed his mouth shut. He’d been in this room for only a few minutes and already the elf was pestering him. He didn’t want to pay him any attention, but being down would make it hard to escape Fenris’s teasing. Again, he took a deep breath. 

“Did you bleed all over the carpet while learning blood magic?”

That’s was it. Of all things, he would not sit here idly and let the elf accuse him of blood magic. Not when Fenris _knew_ they were in complete agreement concerning it. 

“Danarius attempted to bleed a boy for a trick. I healed him. That’s why I’m here. I saved a _life_ with evil _magic_!” He spat before he lay down on his own bedroll, facing pointedly away from Fenris.

The elf was quiet for a while, the room completely silent and Anders was satisfied with this sort of reaction. The tried to make himself comfortable on the thin bedroll. It reminded him of his trips with Hawke..all the times they’d traveled to the Wounded Coast or the Bone Pit. He missed it and he missed her, her companionship. 

“You really believe that, don’t you?” 

Anders rolled his eyes at the softly spoken words. “Believe _what_?” He didn’t turn around to face Fenris. 

“That you saved his life.”

“Well, I did. I healed the cut, he stopped bleeding and started breathing. That’s how it works.”

Fenris went silent again for a few minutes. 

“Danarius is not the forgivable type. Living down here with me for a few days is a rather mild punishment, don’t you think? Have you thought about on whom he took his anger out while you emerged almost unscathed?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Anders asked, a little uneasy. He still didn’t turn around to look at Fenris. 

“The boy’s probably already dead.”

At that, Anders finally did turn around to stare at the elf. “Danarius had no reason to kill him. This is ridiculous, Fenris, even for you. Stop trying to turn everything I do into something horrible.”

Fenris glared at him from his spot on the floor. “Not everything is about you,” he hissed. Anders felt way too tired to deal with him right now, so he only gave him an evil look and faced away from him once again. Fenris had lapsed into silence again and Anders tried to force himself to sleep. But sleep wouldn’t come. His mind was racing with thoughts about everything that had happened since he’d come to Tevinter. In addition, Fenris started heaving after drinking too fast too much. Anders should had told him to go slower on the bottle, but even though Fenris wasn’t feeling well now, he wasn’t suffering from something that _necessarily_ required healing. Somehow, knowing that Fenris was miserable was an almost soothing thought after he had tried to rile him up earlier. A thought Anders wasn’t proud of, but one that calmed him enough to finally find some sleep.

***

A loud noise started Anders awake. He wasn’t sure what time it was due to the lack of daylight, but when he turned his aching neck around to look at his surroundings, Fenris already sat on his spot on the floor like he’d been awake for hours. The elf was glaring at the door, his body tense and Anders realized sleepily, that the loud noise was caused by some people outside the door. Only seconds later, said door swung opened and two men were walking inside.

“Breakfast,” one of them sung cheerily. He was carrying a bowl in each hand as he stepped in front of the cowering elf. Fenris made a sound akin to a growl but the man just laughed at him.  
“You need to eat something, to stay _healthy_.” He placed the bowls on the floor and Anders found the picture disturbingly reminding of a dog being fed. Hadn’t he been the one to compare Fenris to a wild dog back in Kirkwall? One of the bowls contained a grey mass Anders didn’t recognize as food, the other bowl was empty. 

“Oh, I forgot something,” the man said and touched his forehead. He then picked up the empty bowl and Anders eyes shot wide open in surprise when he fumbled at his pants. With a smirk, he turned around when he glanced at Anders, but the mage could still hear the sound of fluid hitting the metal. In disgusted disbelief he watched the bowl being set down in front of Fenris again. The elf looked up at him briefly and Anders could clearly see his face flush in shame.  
Anders didn’t want to think about that implication. Fenris had been clearly dehydrated yesterday, but he had been down here for weeks now, so he must had drunk _something_.. 

“Guess _you_ didn’t piss off the magister too much.” Anders hadn’t heard the other man approaching and jumped as a tray was set down in front of him. There was water, bread, cheese and even an apple. “If you need anything, just shout. We’ll be down the floor the whole day.”  
The man even smiled at Anders and the mage felt himself nod in return. He could barely tear his eyes away from the two bowls in front of Fenris. The two men left them alone soon after and the room turned quiet once more. Even though his stomach growled, he didn’t feel hungry at all at the moment..

“Do you want my breakfast? I’m not feeling hungry,” he offered quietly. 

“So you can poison me again?” came Fenris’s prompt answer. He glared at the mage when he looked up to meet his eyes. Immediately, Anders felt a flash of irritation surge through his whole body. 

“What?! I didn’t..” Anders stopped and took a deep breath to calm down. He thought about the way Fenris had choked last night. Of course he’d make it his fault somehow. 

‘I don’t have to like him,’ he told himself. He was here as a healer and as such, letting Fenris drink piss and eat he didn’t know what would to nothing for the elf. 

“I didn’t poison you last night,” Anders told Fenris in a calm voice. “You just drank too much water and too fast and your body wasn’t used to it anymore. Look, I can eat some of my food if it makes you feel better.”

Fenris stared at him for a moment and Anders thought he’d see a hint of a nod at some point. His eyes didn’t leave his fellow prisoner when he slowly drank a sip of water, ate a piece of bread and cheese and even bit off a piece of apple. Fenris watched him the whole time, too, though he seemed to have a hard time not staring at the food instead. When Anders was done with chewing, he very carefully, as if not to startle a wounded animal, slid the tray towards Fenris. The elf watched him warily and the mage had to swallow down his irritation once again. 

Once he’d retreated to his bedroll, Fenris nearly jumped at the food. “Easy there! I don’t want to be accused of poisoning you once again,” he drawled. Fenris reacted with a short glare but continued eating much slower. Sighing, Anders lay back down. Again, he wondered how long Danarius would keep him down here.

***

Anders didn’t know how much time had passed when the door opened once more. Since Fenris had eaten his breakfast, they hadn’t talked much. The mage had asked him how long it had been since he’d eaten properly and Fenris had spat that he had no way of knowing since there was no daylight and he didn’t even know how long it had been since they’d left Kirkwall. Anders had lost any interest in talking to the elf afterwards and had instead turned to reading his book.

“Bathing time,” the man who’d brought Fenris’s ‘meal’ said in the same cheerful voice he’d used in the morning. It was obvious he enjoyed his job. Anders wondered if Fenris had done something to annoy the man, perhaps even before he’d escaped Danarius. Otherwise, it was beyond his grasp how someone was able to enjoy torturing a helpless man.

Anyway, after a night and a few waking hours in the cell, Anders was glad to get out of it for a little while. He felt unclean and even though it wasn’t solely caused by being filthy, a bath would be fine. Fenris on the other hand didn’t seem too happy at the prospect of getting out of the cell. He struggled against being picked up from the ground, kicked at the guards and even tried to bite them. Anders didn’t really feel sorry for him when the two men tied him up and simply dragged him behind. It was just a bath! He could be lucky to even have the luxury of getting clean. When Anders had been in solitary confinement, he’d been presented with a few buckets of cold water to clean himself up every once in a while. 

The men led the way through a dark hallway and up a fly of stairs. Anders was delighted when they entered a bathing chamber with a little pool in the middle. A real bath! Not like the ones he’d grown used to during his stay in this country, but a bath nonetheless. With a happy sigh, he got rid of his clothes, stepping into the water without hesitation. He’d been naked in front of strangers too often to care for the guard's presence, but he jumped when he heard a loud splash behind him. Whirling around to look at what had caused it he caught sight of the two guards looking and laughing at the rippling water. Fenris was nowhere to be seen. It took Anders a very long time to recognize the kicking shape underwater as the elf and he hurried to get to him. Before he could reach him, one of the guards stepped in front of him. 

“Don’t”, he just said and Anders stared at him in confusion. 

“He’s drowning!” he yelled, pointing at Fenris. The water was shallow, but the guard hadn’t bothered to take of his chains. 

“He isn’t,” he guard replied laughing. Anders watched as the other man stepped next to Fenris and pulled him up to the surface by his hair. The elf took a few loud panicked breaths, his eyes wide open in fear before he was pushed down underwater again. 

“What are you doing!” Anders cried out. He was trying to get past the guard.

“Getting him clean,” the other man stated matter-of-factly as he pulled Fenris up once more. The elf kicked and struggled against him, but he was in no condition to truly fight him. Within seconds, he was pushed down again. Anders watched the process in horror, watched as Fenris’s attempts at fight became more and more faltering, until he stopped struggling altogether when he was pushed under the surface. 

“You’re killing him,” he whispered horrified. 

“I think you need to stop, Alerio. Our little mage is fretting,” the man in front of him told his colleague. The other man pulled Fenris up with a roll of his eyes. Fenris eyes were closed as he took several shallow breaths. 

“We won’t be staying here much longer so if you want to clean up a bit, you must hurry.”  
Anders heard the words as if they were coming from a different world. He felt his legs moving towards the rim of the pool while his eyes didn’t leave Fenris. The elf had stopped fighting and leaned against the taller man who now had started to lather his upper body with soap. Anders started cleaning himself off mechanically. 

Not an hour ago, he’d silently condemned the elf for not simply going with them to the bathing chambers. Now he’d seen the guards turning something as simple as getting clean into torture. Everything in the elf’s life had just become that, Anders realized. He’d thought it horrible and cruel what Erimond had done to Fenris, but it had happened over a limited amount. They had gone upstair and Fenris was alone, and fine - or so he’d thought. He chided himself for even _thinking_ that would be all the elf was enduring. _He_ should had known better. 

The guard handed him a towel, pulling him out of his thoughts. Anders got out of the water to dry himself off and get back into his clothes. He didn’t feel any less filthy than he’d had before the bath as he watched Fenris, dripping and shivering beside the pool. 

“You should dry him off, too. He’ll catch his death otherwise,” he addressed the two guards. 

“He’ll dry on his own.” 

“I’m his healer. I say you dry him off.”

The two guards looked at each other and started laughing. “Well, we won’t. As his healer, you can see to him when he really gets sick, right? That’s why you’re here.”

***

“How often do they do that to you?”

Back in his cell, Anders had left Fenris alone for a little while. The elf had stopped shivering eventually and Anders had been nearly bursting with the question. Fenris had been down here for weeks, how had he not gone mad by now? 

“I don’t know. They usually take me to the bath before I get visitors.”

 

“Visitors?” 

“Such as Erimond. And you.” Fenris didn’t look at him but the words stung. 

“I didn’t even know what he was going to do to you.. I didn’t come to hurt you that night.” 

“Right. You didn’t even lift a finger.”

Anders swallow hard at the unsaid accusation. He’d done nothing to help Fenris.. he’d tried to tell himself that Fenris wouldn’t help him if their roles were reversed.. but there’d been a time Fenris had defended him against Templars. For Hawke’s sake, but still.. he’d fought to keep him safe. 

“What does your demon say about all this?” he heard Fenris ask. 

“Justice is not a demon,” came his automatic response. “But he.. Danarius had put this collar around my neck. Justice has been quiet since then.”

He felt Fenris eyes on him before the elf started laughing like a mad man. 

“What?” Anders snapped. It took a moment before Fenris had collected himself enough to reply. 

“I just.. I always thought you an abomination because of that ‘spirit’. You always claim he’s a spirit of Justice and when you came down that night and didn’t do a thing.. I mean, when I saw you I had that stupid hope that it was true. A spirit of Justice would clearly take offense at how I am treated, right? But he didn’t and I thought it had just been a lie.” Again, Fenris laughed. “Looks like it doesn't need a demon to be an abomination.”


	4. Chapter 4

Hearing Fenris fighting it was awful, but the silence that followed when he eventually gave up and just _endured_ was the worst. Anders felt the tension inside his body build up until he could nearly stand it no more. He prayed for the man to finish it, to leave the elf alone, but time stretched on and on in their tiny room. 

Leering at the elf as soon as he had entered their cell, the ‘visitor’ had lost no time before he threw himself at Fenris. Anders had faced away from what was happening immediately, not bearing to see it once again. He would had tried to cover his ears, too, but he was sure it would do nothing to block out Fenris’s grunts of frustration and pain. 

Fenris’s words from earlier still rang clearly in his ears. He hadn’t been able to say anything to defend himself, too struck by what the elf had said, but he couldn’t deny that the words held some truth. He deserved it, but still.. Right now, Anders’s fingers itched with the urge to help him, his whole body shook as he tried to contain the growing need to stand up, to do _something_. But just like the last time, he did nothing.What good would it do any of them? Helping Fenris fight the man would only be a very temporary victory and Anders would probably be punished severely for it - and if anything Fenris had said about the boy he’d saved was true, the elf would suffer even more afterwards. 

With a long moan, the man finally finished. Anders couldn’t hear what he said to Fenris, but the tone of his voice sent shivers down his spine. He didn’t dare to turn around until the door was closed behind the intruder. The silence that followed stretched on until Anders couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Do you need healing?”

“No,” Fenris hissed immediately. Not that Anders couldn’t understand why the other man reacted the way he did - he had every reason to hate him right now - but suffering in silence would neither punish Anders nor help him. 

“Come on, don’t be ridiculous. You don’t have to prove anything to me or anyone else. You’re in pain and I can help you with that. _Let me_.”

Anders held his breath as he waited for the elf to answer. 

"Do you need to touch me to heal this?" Fenris asked after a few more seconds of anxious silence. His voice was soft, his words hesitant. It was clear that he didn’t like the idea at all, but didn’t like the alternative of being in pain even less. 

"No, " Anders breathed relieved. He turned around on his bedroll from where he'd faced the wall during the time Fenris had had to spend with his unwelcome visitor. He smiled at Fenris who was lying on the floor in an almost fetal position with his back turned at the mage. Anders was glad that he'd at least turned his head around to look at him. Fenris gave him a short nod to allow him to use magic on him, a gesture Anders knew very well from their time in Kirkwall. Without another word, Anders summoned his magic and led it towards Fenris. The relieve on the elf's face loosened some of the tightness in the mage's chest he hadn't even been aware of. 

"I.. don't enjoy this, " Anders whispered, desperate to say it out loud after their earlier conversation. "I know you hate me because I'm a mage.. and I guess you know I'm not exactly fond of you either. But what they do to you? It's disgusting. When Danarius asked me to bring Erimond to you, I had no idea what he’d do. I really _wanted_ to help you that night. I still do! I was just too shocked. Erimond seemed like a decent guy. I'd never do something like this to you. To anybody. "

He didn't look at Fenris, he wasn't even sure he wanted a reaction from him. Surely the elf would accuse him of lying..

"I know. "

"What?" Anders eyes snapped up in surprise. 

"I've known you for a few years now, mage. You're not a cruel person."

"Wow.. That's.. Thank you, I guess. "

"Besides, I don't hate you because you're a mage. I hate you because you agreed to join with a spirit and you're too blind to see what it does to you. I hate you because you want freedom for _every_ mage. And not because they're good people, but because they’re mages."

"Mages are good people! "

"Yes, Erimond seemed like such a decent guy, " Fenris echoed. 

"Not all mages are like him! " Anders could feel the familiar anger burn up inside of him. 

"No. But some are. You're rescuing them all."

Anders swallowed hard.

"So.. You wouldn’t hate me if I was just rescuing the good mages?!"

"Yes. Perhaps."

"..What?"

"I saw the suffering of mages in the Gallows. But I also saw blood mages and abominations almost every week, killing innocent people. There are good mages and there are bad ones. Some of them deserved to be locked up. "

"What about me? Do I deserve to be locked to up? "

"Back in Kirkwall, I'd have said yes. Now, I'm not so sure. You're faring far better in comparison to the magisters." 

There was a hint humor in the elf's voice and Anders surprised himself as he laughed loudly at it. "Well,to be honest, I thought you deserved being locked up back in Kirkwall, too. "

Fenris looked at Anders with a smirk on his face. "Looks like we've been both been granted our wishes. " 

Again, Anders couldn’t help the laugh bubbling from his mouth. It was followed by a strange feeling, like a weight he hadn’t been aware he’d been carrying had been lifted off his shoulders. It was particularly strange given their current situation, but for the first time, Anders enjoyed talking to the elf. The silence that followed their brief but friendly conversation wasn’t uncomfortable and Fenris relaxed visibly. He looked more like the man Anders had known in Kirkwall, the wild look in his eyes gone, but he also looked so very different. Less guarded, perhaps. The invisible wall between them didn’t seem that unscalable anymore.

***

“What about Fenris?” Anders demanded angrily. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the elf glancing up at him briefly.

The guards had entered their room a while later, carrying only one tray of food which they’d sat down in front of Anders. 

“Dogs do only get fed once a day.” The comment felt easy from the guards lips as he just kept walking away, not even glancing over his shoulder. Anders glared at the closing door. 

“I hate the way they treat you,” he mumbled as he shifted closer to Fenris, taking the tray with him. He gestured for the other man to eat, but Fenris hesitated for a moment. 

“I don’t want you to go to bed hungry. It’s your food.”

 

“I’m used to eat far less. Come on, I thought we’d agreed on you not acting ridiculous anymore.”

Fenris smiled a tired smiled, but - much to Anders’s relieve - reached for a piece of bread.

***

Anders slept fitfully that night. He dreamed of Fenris, of guard taking him away somewhere where Anders couldn’t help him while he was returned to his position as Danarius’s apprentice. In his dream, he was sitting next to his mentor, going on with his everyday life when a particular awful wail that sounded like Fenris jolted him awake.

Breathing heavily, he sat on his bedroll, looking around in the tiny room. Fenris was lying on his side, curled in on himself and sleeping peacefully. For the first time Anders realized that the elf was lying naked on cold hard stone and he immediately shivered as at the cold air around him. He had his clothes to keep him warm as well as his bedroll and a blanket. 

Without thinking much about it, he got up clumsily and walked over to the sleeping elf. How Fenris could sleep like this was beyond him. He didn’t even wake when Anders approached him and the mage figured that he must be simply truly exhausted. Back in Kirkwall, he would had found himself against a wall with a glowing and snarling elf in front of him had he ever tried to walk past him in his sleep. Fenris was usually a light sleeper and always on guard.. but now that he had been captured anyway, where was the use of being on guard? 

Carefully, he covered Fenris with his blanket. The elf grunted in his sleep but otherwise didn’t react. Anders smiled goofily as he tip toed back to his bedroll.

***

Anders’s eyes fell on Fenris who stared at the blanket in confusion. The sound of footsteps had woken them up, but there was no way to tell if it was still in the middle of the night or early in the morning.

“Did you..?” Fenris started but instead of asking the question he just threw the blanket at Anders with a panicked expression on his face right before the door opened. 

“Breakfast,” came the guard’s cheerful greeting and Anders couldn't help but glare at him. They sat there in silence while Fenris was presented with the same inedible nonsense he’d  
had the day before and Anders got his normal breakfast. His stomach growled at the sight of it, still used to the regular meals he'd had with Danarius. It had been some time since he’d been really hungry, but he would get used to it eventually. He only waited long enough for the guards to leave before he shared the food with Fenris. The elf eyed him with a curious look on his face. 

"That was your blanket," he stated between bites. Anders wondered how he could rein himself in and eat like a normal person when he still looked like he was starving. 

“Yes,” Anders answered with a shrug. Covering Fenris last night had felt like a good idea, like a normal thing to do. Now, with the elf awake in front of him, it felt strange. How had creeping up on a sleeping naked person ever felt normal?

"Why did you give it to me?" There was no accusation in his voice, just curiosity. 

"Because.. you looked cold on the floor. I still got my robes to keep me warm. I.. would have asked you if you wanted it but you were sleeping like the dead.” Anders felt heat rise to his cheeks. He just hoped it didn't show, because it'd make this whole creeping around a sleeping man much.. creepier. 

Fenris smirked at him and took another piece of cheese. Anders noticed that while still pale and worn out, he looked better than yesterday, healthier. 

“You're right. I've slept really good for the first time since I've been here.”

Anders ears perked up in interest. “Why’s that?” 

At first, it didn't seem like Fenris was going to answer. He chewed on his food very slowly, a forlorn expression on his face. Anders felt stupid for even asking. Of course he wondered why the elf had slept better. Perhaps his body had just reached a point of exhaustion where sleep claimed a person no matter what. After their bath yesterday, Anders knew his body had all the reason to shut down..

"Since I've been brought to Tevinter, I've been in constant pain. You.. took it away, yesterday. With your healing. Thank you. "

Anders felt the words sink right into his heart. Never before had Fenris thanked him, no matter how much he'd worked to keep him alive in battle. 

"What about Cato? He was your healer before, wasn't he? Didn't he help you with the pain?"

There was a flash of anger on Fenris's face before he could mask it with a neutral expression. 

"Cato kept me alive which means he usually kept me from bleeding all over the floor. He always left me with the pain."

"How's that even possible?" Anders asked appalled. Healing and easing the pain went hand in hand when it came to his understanding. When the cause of the pain was gone, the pain went as well. 

"Don't asked me. I'm not a mage.” The last words came out as an angry hiss and Anders flinched at the sound of it. 

“I'm sorry," he said immediately. Another time, he’d been seething at the way the elf had said it, but at the moment he was too shocked with the new revelations. Being healed and still in pain was a form of cruelty he had never heard of. Had this been done to Fenris before? If so, Anders  
couldn’t even blame him for for he had reacted to being healed in Kirkwall. For most people, healing came as a relieve, a blessing. When injured, Anders knew the body had its own ways to deal with the pain, to lessen if even. But a perfectly healthy body in immense pain? This form of magic was just as corrupted as anything else in Tevinter. 

The thought gave him pause. His whole life, Anders had thought highly of Tevinter. A land where mages were free and not feared - now he wasn’t so sure about it anymore. Fenris was terrified of magic as had been the slave he had saved (or hadn’t, according to Fenris). What about other non-mages in Tevinter? Were they terrified, too? Anders had always thought Tevinter was ruled by mages because they were well accepted here, but perhaps that wasn’t the point. Perhaps magic was just an mean to an end, a way to hold power over others, to enslave those who were without magic. It was a horrifying thought. 

"Why are you here?"

"Hm?" Anders looked at Fenris in confusion. 

“In Tevinter, I mean.”

“I’ve been captured, just like you."

"But why are you staying? As Danarius's apprentice no less. Perhaps I was wrong about you, but you never struck me as a power hungry kind of guy." 

"Is that a compliment?”Anders chuckled and Fenris rolled his eyes with a smile. It felt good, talking to the elf like that, without fearing for an verbal onslaught. "But you're right. I'm not after power, I don’t want to become a magister. But Danarius offered me to help me help the mages in the rest of Thedas. I've tried to talk to Elthina for _years_ , but it’s like she isn't even listening to me. I just want them to listen.” Anders didn’t like the desperation that had crept into his words. He wanted to help, wanted to make them see that the Circles were doing it wrong, that mages were suffering all over Thedas just for being born with magic. 

Fenris nodded, not looking at Anders. “I understand," he whispered. “I'm not telling you what to do, but be careful around Danarius. I don’t know if he truly wants to help or if he has more ulterior motives. Just.. be careful.”

“I will,” Anders promised, surprised by Fenris's words. 

“Good.” Fenris smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I guess with Hadriana gone and you as his new apprentice, my life at Danarius’s side at least will be less miserable.” 

Anders blood ran cold at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who left kudos :) I'm very nervous about my writing (and my English skills). I know there are a lot of mistakes in this story, so thank you for reading it anyway


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to everyone who left kudos or comments! (you're awesome!)
> 
> also sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. I had so much rl stuff to do and I'm still recovering from all the stress and sleepless nights. I'll try to update at least once a week in the future

Anders flinched as the whip cracked down once more.

"Good boy! Five more to go. "

Fenris had only briefly tried to struggle against the bulky man when he’d entered the door. It hadn’t made much difference, anyway as he’d been backhanded so hard it had sent him to the floor, where he’d lain unconscious for a few seconds. The man had seemed completely unperturbed by it, he'd simply picked the unconscious elf up and secured his chains on a hook on the ceiling. Anders had yelled at him, then, but had otherwise just watched in horror.

Fenris was still hanging there, his feet barely touching the ground. Anders had wanted nothing more than to turn his eyes away, to block out the sounds.. but as soon as Fenris had opened his eyes again, they had locked with Anders's. And even though the elf had stopped looking at him eventually, had stopped crying out in pain and anger, Anders just couldn't look away. Fenris expression had been so vulnerable, so forlorn.. he'd looked at Anders as if he was his anchor, and Anders refused to stop being that right now for his friend. 

That he called Fenris a friend had come as a surprise to him, though not as an unpleasant one. He'd no one else in Tevinter and being in this situation together was a strangely connecting experience. Perhaps the feeling of friendship would be gone as soon as they were back in Kirkwall. -Anders knew he didn't want to stay in Tevinter any longer, he wanted - _needed_ to go back to Kirkwall,back to his friends, to his cause. No building had ever been able to hold him captive for long. He was good at escaping, he’d escaped the Circle seven times.. He just had to figure out how to get them out of here. Perhaps he didn’t even have to do it alone, this time. He could write to Hawke, ask for her help, as soon as Danarius was over with punishing him. 

_His_ punishment. Anders’s eyes were still trained on Fenris. The elf’s eyes on the other hand were half closed, not focusing on anything. Anders could see the sweat on his now oddly pale skin. Again, the whip hit him across his back, but Fenris didn't even flinch anymore, made no sound at all. Anders found that rather disconcerting. 

Two more, he thought.

Fenris tormentor was drawing it out. He waited for a few minutes before he hit him again and Anders felt like screaming. One more. If he'd just do it, this punishment would be over, but again, the man waited. Anders had been whipped,too, at the Circle. He knew the pain of it, but at least back then, the Templar who had taken this punishment out on him hadn't enjoyed it in such a cruel way. He'd simply done it, hit after hit, seven times in total. All the time lecturing Anders about the dangers of magic and why mages were not allowed to live freely. He'd been punished for running away - just like Fenris was right now. Again, there was this strange feeling of a connection between them, of sympathy and understanding.. 

Anders flinched again violently when the whip came down on Fenris. Again, there was no reaction from the elf and Anders chest hurt at the sight of the seemingly broken man in front of him. A man he’d only ever known as a strong warrior, someone who’d fought hard for his freedom. Anders had fought just as much for his own freedom and he was determined not to let it end here in a country he’d once thought would provide the ultimate freedom for him. When there was one thing he was good at beside healing, it was escaping. Fenris had been good at it himself and so together, they'd probably be unstoppable. Though he wondered how the elf had managed to escape in the first place from a place as highly guarded as Danarius's mansion. It didn’t matter. They’d find a way. Fenris may looked broken right now, but Anders knew he hadn’t really been broken, yet. There was still time, still hope. 

The bulky man stroked Fenris's cheek in a soothing gesture. It was disgustingly to watch after he’d just inflicted so much pain on the elf, but Anders knew there was nothing he could do and so he watched.  
Fenris fell to the ground with a low thud as soon as his chains were detached from the hook a little later. His tormentor didn't even look at him, his job obviously done. Instead, he busied himself with packing his instruments in his perfectly innocent looking brown back. Anders wondered what the other things the man had unpacked were for. He’d only used the whip today, but he was almost sure Fenris had experienced the use of those other instruments before. It made him feel sick. He also wondered if he’d seen the man before. Beside his bulky frame he was perfectly ordinary looking. He could had passed Anders on his way down here every day, he’d never know. It did not matter. What mattered was the unmoving heap on the floor. Anders moved towards the elf, feeling his magic already itching in the very tip of his fingers.

"Stop. "

Anders froze at the brisk command. The tone of this man reminded him too much of his own tormentor, but after his initial reaction of fear, he felt anger blossoming in his chest. 

"He needs healing, " Anders argued hotly. 

"Not just yet."

"What?" 

"I'll come to you in and hour or two. Until then, you’re not allowed to heal him."

"That's ridiculous! He's in pain and he's bleeding. "

"That's the usual goal of this treatment. If it was not for magister Danarius's concern about the slave’s looks, you were not supposed to heal him at all. "

Anders just stared at the man. He still stared at him as he finished packing his things and left the room. 

"This is ridiculous, " he repeated angrily. He'd not listen to that guy. Carefully, he inched closer to Fenris to get a better look at his injuries. Blood seeped on the floor from where the whip had cut open the elf’s skin. He was trembling with the pain and Anders just couldn’t bear it any longer. If Danarius would punish him for it, so be it. He’d not wait any longer to take the pain away from Fenris, he’d already suffered enough. So Anders started to reach at the elf with his healing magic, but instead of relaxing, Fenris just jolted from the stupor he’d been in. 

“Don’t!” he shouted and Anders jerked at the urgency in his voice. 

“I just want to help you,” he tried to calm the cowering man in front of him. Fenris eyes were on him once more, the panic obvious. 

“Danarius will know,” Fenris rasped, his throat raw from the few screams that had escaped him in the very beginning of the whipping. 

“I don’t care. I don’t care if he punishes me, either.”

 

Fenris looked at him angrily for just a second before the pain took over once more and he pressed his eyes shut. 

“Please, Fenris..-”

“You still don’t understand.” It was barely a whisper. 

“I don’t understand what?”

Fenris sunk don’t on his belly once more. His hands were clawing at the floor and Anders could see the cold sweat glistening on his skin. If a man like Fenris didn’t even try to mask his pain anymore, it must be truly overwhelming.

“He _will_ punish you. As if he punished you for stepping in and helping that boy at his party. But you won’t be the one who’ll take another whipping for it. ”

Ander swallowed thickly, he felt his magic crawling back in his terror. He’d tried to not think about what Fenris had told him about the boys possible fate. “He’d hurt you for my mistakes?”

“You still doubt that?” It came out harshly, but was followed by a pitiful whimper that tore at Anders’s heart. He didn’t. After everything he’d seen being done to the elf, he really didn’t. 

“You’re hurting,” he mumbled, helplessly. He’d rarely felt so helpless since he’d escaped the Circle. His healing had always been something he could relent on, a guiding light in a world full of pain. He _needed_ to do something. “Please, tell me how I can help you.” It wasn’t fair. Fenris was in pain and he was pestering him to get himself out of this helplessness. But he just couldn’t bear the thought of not being allowed to _help_. 

Fenris let out a shuddering breath, Anders could nearly feel the pain that alone brought on him. 

“Tell me a story,” the elf said. 

“I’m.. sorry?”

Fenris grunted with the effort to prop himself up again. Anders wanted to stop him, but was cut down in his actions by the elf’s words. 

“A story. To distract me from this.”

Anders blinked in confusion. Sometimes, when children had been too sick or injured to get home for the night, he’d tell them stories so they wouldn’t think about their families. It was kind of odd to do the same to a grown man, a man he’d hated only days ago. Or thought he did.   
But there was no reason not to do it. It worked with children, why wouldn’t it work with an adult? He didn’t even had to think long on what story he’d chose to tell. Their situation might seemed hopeless, but hope was they needed the most at the moment. What Fenris needed most. 

“Let me tell you about how I escaped the Circle the first time…”

***

Fenris barked a laughter but grimaced immediately afterwards. “Did it ever cross your mind that they eventually just _let_ you escape so you wouldn’t annoy them anymore?” he added with a strained smile.

“Hey, don’t spoil my story.” Anders smiled back. Talking had made the situation more bearable. Pulling tiny smiles or even a gentle chuckle from Fenris made his heart feel so much lighter. 

“I’m simply great at escaping. You’ll see.” 

Anders noticed the smile dying on Fenris’s lips just before the door cracked open. The mage whirled around and stared at the person standing there. It was one of their usual guards and Anders glared at him out of sheer habit. 

“Master Danarius wants the elf healed, now. He also wants to see so tomorrow.”

Anders didn’t bother with a reply. Instead he immediately let a healing spell wash over Fenris, watching his face relax in an instant with a satisfied smile. Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed the guard staring at him with a curious expression just before he entered the room to bring in his food. Anders didn’t care. He smiled again as Fenris sighed in relief and regarded the skin on his back. He didn’t really think about it when his fingers met the elf’s skin where just moments before had been angry red wounds. Fenris went rigid for a moment and Anders had almost pulled his hands back in reflex, but then, the elf _relaxed_ suddenly.   
There was a strange feeling in Anders’s chest. Something akin to pride, but also something much more gentle. Never before had he touched Fenris - even in attempt of healing - without having his life threatened or at least be accused of various evil. Fenris was always tense and here in this cell, he had every reason to be. But he had relaxed while being touched by Anders. It felt strange. 

 

“We’ll take you to the bathing chambers tomorrow,” the guard announced with clear distaste in his voice. At this, Fenris tensed again. Anders felt his stomach drop. He wanted him to relax again, to _make him_ relax again. But he knew with the prospect of the bathing chambers and what would follow afterwards, there was no way to achieve this anymore. It hurt. In a very strange way. Anders pulled back his hand awkwardly. The guard left them with a last disapproving look. Would he tell Danarius? But what was there to tell. That Anders cared for Fenris’s health? But somehow, Anders knew the magister would be displeased by the way he actually cared. 

“You should eat something. You’ve lost a lot of blood. Again,” Anders told Fenris, concentrating on being a healer over everything else. 

“I’m not hungry,” Fenris mumbled. 

“Are you still hurting?”

“No. Thank you.” The words came out flat and Anders tried to come up with something to cheer the elf up desperately. He’d made him laugh while he was bleeding from several wounds on his back, he’d made him relax by his touch.. he just couldn’t accept him to be sad right now. 

“I will get you out of here,” he vowed, surprised by the conviction in his voice. Fenris looked up at him, a sad smile on his lips. 

“You really should eat something,” Anders repeated. “Please.”

Fenris sighed, but pushed himself further up into a sitting position. Anders hurried eagerly to get his meal. As usual, Fenris had gotten nothing for dinner. 

“Anders..” Fenris started hesitantly before the mage set down the tray in front of him. 

“Mmh?” Anders hummed, busying himself with arranging most of the food on Fenris side. After today, he needed something to provide him with a little more strength. 

“Get away from Danarius. As far as you can.”

“Oh, I will. and I will take you with me. We’ll return to Kirkwall and we’ll think about extra protection to keep you safe. Perhaps you could live with Hawke for a while, Danarius wouldn’t be stupid enough to attack her in her home and..-”

“Anders.” The mage looked up and was met by a very serious pair of green eyes. “You are _not_ a prisoner. You can leave whenever you want.”

“Yes, and I will take you with..-”

“You will not. I’m Danarius’s slave and there’s no way you’re going get us both out of here. As soon as I’m gone, Danarius will send his hunters and there’s no way you can hide me. We’ve no friends her, no allies. I’m his by right. There’s no way you can get me out of this, Anders. It’s too late. It was too late the moment we crossed the Tevinter border.”

The mage looked at him, unable to keep the shock from his face. 

“Don’t talk like you’ve already giving up on escaping. I’ve seen you fight the guards, I’ve seen you fight Erimond.”

“I wasn’t ready to give up my freedom without a fight. But there’s no other way out of this cell for me. As soon as Danarius is ready to see me, I’ll be his slave once more.”

“How did you escape in the first place with that attitude?” Anders asked incredulously. Hearing Fenris speak like that made him angry and once again, he vowed to get him out of here. If only just in spite to show Fenris that he was so very _wrong_. 

“By sheer luck,” Fenris stated, looking away. Anders 

“Care to share the story?”

“No.”

It was a short, abrupt answer, leaving no room for further questions and Anders glared at him. Perhaps he’d only imagined things, perhaps Fenris didn’t trust him at all. 

But he had _relaxed_ at his touch. 

“Don’t give up just yet.”

It was Fenris’s turn to glare at him, now. “That’s easy for you to say. Tomorrow, Danarius will get you out of here and you’ll be dining with the other mages.”

Although he tried to mask it, Anders could read the fear in the elf’s eyes and for a brief moment. He wondered how often he’d missed that fear behind Fenris’s rage and vile words. He had his point, there. Anders would probably be gone by tomorrow and there was no telling how long Danarius would keep Fenris down here in this cell, at the mercy of the guards, the bulky man and probably more ‘visitors’. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “So.. I guess step one of my brilliant escape plan will be about getting you out of that cell.”

“You won’t shut up on this, will you?”

“Nope.”

Fenris sighed. “Being out of that cell means being back at Danarius’s side,” he mumbled in a monotone. 

“Yes. And I’m sorry about that. But that was also part of _your_ brilliant ‘I’ll just give up on all hope’-plan.” 

Fenris huffed, but there was the hint of a smile on his lips. Anders was glad to see it again. 

“So, how do we speed up the process of getting you out of here?”

“Through submission.” 

Anders wrinkled his nose, though he knew Fenris was right. The whole purpose of torturing him was to turn him into the magister’s pliant pet once more. 

“Then stop fighting. Act like you’ve given up already. And I’ll try to convince Danarius you’re already thoroughly.. broken.”

Fenris pressed his eyes close and nodded. “Alright. But I don’t want you to risk your life on that. Run if you get the chance. Danarius can’t hold you.”

Anders just grinned. “We’ll leave Tevinter together, you’ll see.”


	6. Chapter 6

The sun shone brightly through the huge windows, bathing the halls in an almost blinding way. Or at least it was blinding to Anders after living in a cell without any daylight at all. The mansion was busy, as usual. Slaves hurried through the corridors while the delicious smell of today’s meal filled the air. Anders walked freely with no one there to watch his steps. A few days ago, that alone would have been enough to make his heart feel light, his breathing easier without the constant weight on his chest. A weight that had settled there after years on the run, hiding from Templars, being confronted with injustice and pain every day. But Tevinter was no different from Darktown, it was just painted in prettier colours. For anyone who didn’t care to look, it was easy not to notice the slaves. They were trained to live as almost invisible beings, barely existing.. 

Anders thought about Fenris, who’d been bathed in the morning. He knew the implication of that by now and it made staying calm while his feet were taking him to Danarius’s office. Leaving Fenris down there had been hard. The elf hadn’t looked at him when the door had been shut behind Anders. They’d shared his breakfast only minutes before and Anders didn’t even wanted to think about what the other man would eat for the next few days. Maker, he didn’t even have a blanket at night.. 

“Come in.” 

Anders hadn’t been aware he’d knocked at the door in front of him. Taking a deep breath, he opened it and stepped through. _He had to stay calm, act normal_. His eyes promptly found Danarius, who was seated at his usual spot on the table. 

“Ah, Anders. It’s good to see you again.” Danarius opened his arms in a welcoming gesture. 

Anders remained quiet, but forced a smile on his face. It was hard not to scream at the man in front of him. He _had to_ stay calm or he’d never get them out of here.  


“I’m sorry for having you sent you down there, but I couldn’t just let you come away with a… transgression like that. I believe you’ve learned your lesson?”

“I did,” Anders replied without any emotion. “It won’t happen again.” Silently, Anders hoped there simply would be no reason for it to happen again. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to act any differently. 

“Good.” Danarius smiled at him, clasping his hands together. “So how is my Fenris?”

Anders swallowed hard. “I have cared for his well-being while I was down there. Physically speaking, he is well, although a little bit malnourished.”

“Ah, yes. I was told he wouldn’t eat properly. I had Cato talk to him, all to no avail. He’s stubborn, always has been.”

Anders bit his tongue. 

“Is he still defying his betters?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I was told he still fights his punishment.”

“I guess that’s just a natural survival instinct. He never acted up on me, though.”

Danarius nodded, seemingly deep in thought. “Have you touched him?”

“No.”

Danarius leaned back on his chair, smiling again. “Good. You’re my apprentice, so he has to listen to you in the future, but I want him to answer to me first. It’s vital to the process that I’m the first person up here he receives his training from.”

“Of course.” Training. Again, Anders felt like screaming. He needed to distract himself from not hitting Danarius with something heavy. 

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“You send Cato down there as his healer. I’m not sure he did a very good job. Fenris told me he’s been in pain since his first punishment, _besides_ being healed. I’m not sure he was hallucinating or if it was somehow Cato’s fault.. I.. must confess I’m not sure it’s even possible to leave someone in pain without an injury.”

Danarius’s eyes suddenly glistened in excitement. “Oh, so he _did_ finally manage.”

“I’m sorry?”

“When my Fenris ran away, I trained Cato on this spell. I planned to send him after him, to renew it for me. He never got the hang of it, though.”

“What spell?” Anders tried not to sound too eager. He needed to know how that spell worked. It was fascinating - and so very wrong. It went against everything he stood for as a healer. 

“It’s unique,” Danarius explained proudly. “It only works on my Fenris. It’d work on others like him, too, but no one ever survived the experiment for long. Anyway, it’s possible to work self-sustaining spells on his lyrium. The effects weaken over time, but it’d take _years_ to wear off if cast correctly.”

“I don’t understand,” Anders provided confused at the magister’s giddiness. 

“Basically, it’s a memory of pain, burned into his lyrium.”

Anders just stared at him in disbelieve. Despite of all the lyrium under the elf’s skin, Anders had never thought that magic might affect him differently. It angered him that above all the good that could be done with magic, Danarius chose to inflict pain on Fenris. He didn’t understand, _why_. 

“So you planned to train Cato and let him chase Fenris down so he could torment him with memories of pain?” He asked in a carefully neutral tone.. 

“Sounds simple, right? Thing is, I kept my Fenris under that spell as soon as it got clear he’d survive the experiment.”

“I…-”

“He was lying there, still bloodied from where I cut him open. He was.. _perfect_. My creatinon, my legacy. _I_ turned him into that, I _made_ him. I wanted him to _feel_ the process of me carving into his flesh, to feel the echo of his creation. I wanted him to feel me every second of his waking hours, right under his skin.”

“That’s why the markings still hurt,” Anders mumbled more to himself than Danarius. 

“ I never want him to forget who he belongs to, who _made_ him. They hurt even worse when he’s not in my vicinity. Although, I usually took away some of that pain when he’s with me. It used to have a positive effect on his loyalty.”

“That’s..” Anders was at a loss of words. Not only was Danarius proud of what he did to Fenris, he also kept the elf in constant pain as a reminder of his ownership. Anders had seen the way Fenris had sometimes grimaced from the pain - back than, it had never failed to give him some kind of satisfaction, but things had changed.

“It’s brilliant, right?” Danarius chuckled. “Fenris always knew it was best for him to stay close to me. He didn’t know why, just that it made him feel better. Well, since that incident on Seheron.” At the mention of the island, Danarius’s face darkened a bit. 

Seheron. That must be where Fenris had managed to escape, then. Anders itched to ask the magister about it, but it didn’t feel right to do so after the elf had made it clear he didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to pry for details behind Fenris’s back.

“Well, he’s back now. That’s all that matters, right?” Anders said instead. It brought back the smile on the magister’s face. 

“True. And it won’t be long until he is my loyal slave once more.”

***

Back in his chambers, Anders found himself staring into the mirror. He didn’t look any differently, besides the slightly dark circles under his eyes from lack of proper sleep. He couldn’t have felt any less from the man he’d been just a few days ago, though.  
There was no way he could enjoy the luxuries of his accommodation. How could he lay down in this big, soft bed when Fenris was sleeping on naked stone, without a blanket or clothes to cover himself. How could he sink into a hot bath to relax when Fenris was nearly drowned like a cat? The delicious smell of the food being served in about an hour didn’t make his mouth water, like it used to. He couldn’t share it with the elf anymore and he was afraid that he’d refrain from eating at all.

Danarius hadn’t told him much concerning his further plans involving Fenris and Anders hadn’t dared to asked too much and risk appearing to interested in the business. So far, Danarius only suspected that he couldn’t wait to force himself upon the elf in an act of revenge. A thought that made Anders cringe.

He was not supposed to dwell on all that. It'd make him act differently and any difference could cause Danarius's suspicion.  
Never before had someone been forced to rely on him as much as Fenris. Never before had Anders tried to escape with someone else. Once in the Circle, he’d tried to convince Karl to flee with him, but the older mage had declined. He hadn’t tried to talk Anders out of his plans - he’d known him, had known it was senseless to even try - but he’d said one apostate on the run was easier to be overlooked than two. He hadn’t wanted Anders to risk his life for him. 

Anders pressed his eyes shut until black dots started dancing behind his eyelids to shut out the image of Karl’s dull eyes, ripped of all emotion. Had Karl only fled with him that night, _any_ night. He could had saved him. He _would_ save Fenris.

_I don’t want you to risk your life on that. Run if you get the chance. Danarius can’t hold you._

It wouldn’t be easy. There was much to take into account when thinking about escaping. Danarius wouldn’t let Fenris out of sight easily. Anders had to gain the magister’s trust to maybe get be trusted to watch over the elf some day. 

It was strange. Anders was not a prisoner, for the first time, he was truly free. There were no Circle, no Templars.. no Justice. His fingers brushed over the metal ring around his neck. He missed the spirit's presence, but he enjoyed being the only voice speaking in his head, too. Justice had been a true friend when he'd agreed to join with him. But he'd changed. Or Anders had. They'd changed, together,but Anders wasn't quite sure if he liked the general direction they were moving in. 

Still, he missed his friend. It would be so much easier to leave Tevinter with the spirit at his back. Over the past five years, he’d relied on Justice more than he’d thought. He could still fight, could still cause a lot of damage, but he was afraid of overestimating his abilities. He was afraid to let Fenris down, to get them both killed - although, he was sure Danarius would keep Fenris alive if possible. 

There was one great thing about being without the spirit, though. Anders could really do all the fun stuff without a nagging presence in the back of his mind. He could drink as much as he wanted - and he would, if only to forget he was condemned to do nothing to get Fenris out of here for a while. 

With a sigh, Anders got up to change for dinner. They had guest and he was supposed to appear presentable after all. He _had to_ act normal.

***

“I can’t leave Minrathous just yet. Besides, I feel like I’ve already done my share of fighting in this. The last time I left for Seheron, _your_ backup arrived way too late. Also, I lost my Fenris and it has taken me a lot of resources to get him back.”

“Yes, yes,” the older man Danarius was talking to said dismissively with a wave of his hand, “We all know how much it hurt you to lose your precious little elf. I know it took you a lot to get him back but you’ve seriously neglected your duties to the Imperium while wasting time on obsessing over that boy. You have him back. Tevinter needs you back, _now_.”

Anders watched the exchange with interest. Word had reached the senate that the qunari situation had gotten more threatening over the last few weeks. It had become somewhat dangerous to leave the safety of the huge cities, especially in less central areas. Currently, Anders was seated next to his mentor, being advised to listen to the discussion closely but otherwise keeping quiet. Though Anders nearly bursted with questions. _If_ Danarius was to leave to fight against the qunari, he’d probably have a chance to get Fenris away from here. The question was, could they force him to go? 

“I’ve just taken on a new apprentice. I can’t leave him alone just yet, he’d not ready.”

“So take him with you.”

Anders blanched. After seeing the destruction qunari forces could cause in Kirkwall, he wasn’t exactly eager to fight them. Besides, just like Danarius, he didn’t want to leave Fenris. 

“He’s not ready for that, _either_.”

“Danarius is right,” the woman Anders recognized from the party that had led to him joining Fenris in his cell. “The law says he’s to watch over his new apprentice for at least a _year_ before he can be called upon this kind of duty.”

The other magister pressed his lips into a thin line, but nodded. “Very well, then someone else must go.”

Relief washed over Anders, although it meant Danarius wouldn’t leave Minrathous as well. As discussion went on about who _else_ could go to Seheron, he zoned out for a while. It wasn’t the first time he’d witnessed a meeting like that, but he still didn’t know all the names the magisters were taking into consideration. 

A week had passed since Anders had left Fenris’s side and he hadn’t heard from the elf ever since. It had gotten easier to suppress the images of him in different states of pain invading his mind every day with time. Anders wouldn’t forget - he _couldn’t_ \- but for now, it made acting normal easier.  
Danarius hadn’t been treating him any different from before his punishment. Anders was still his apprentice, was still supposed to work hard and accompany his mentor to important meetings, just like today.  
The news about the qunari made Anders think about Hawke more often. Perhaps there was a possibility to invite her to the Imperium. She’d defeated the Arishok, a story every Tevinter knew, as Anders had learned. She could help them to defeat the qunari this time, too. So far, Anders hadn’t dared to ask Danarius. He wasn’t sure the magister would risk having her at the mansion. She _wasn’t_ a sworn enemy to Fenris, after all and therefore the magister could see her as a possible threatl.  
It was some of the reasons Anders still hadn’t written to her, yet. First, he hadn’t know how to describe the situation he’d found himself in. He had become Danarius’s apprentice by _choice_ , he hadn’t done anything to _help_ Fenris. He hadn’t even ask about the elf for the first few weeks, glad to be rid of his presence. And he hadn’t stepped in when someone had raped Hawke’s friend in front of him.  
Anders was ashamed of all these things. It had made him delay writing to her for days. Then, there came a new sense of paranoia. What if Danarius somehow found out about his escape plan? What if he read his letter? Was he even allowed to get into contact with Hawke? He’d never been told not to, but he’d never ask about it, either. 

Anders had taken the risk, anyway. In his pocket was a carefully written letter Danarius didn’t know a about. He had held it close to himself, but had also decided to write a coded message to his Hawke just in case. Danarius wouldn’t understand if he ever happened to lay his hands on the letter. 

_Dear Hawke,_

_I’m sorry I haven’t written to you sooner. Things had been a little bit overwhelming here. I know I haven’t left Kirkwall by choice, but in retrospect, it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. In Tevinter, I am finally free. Everyday is like one of those fancy parties you cared to drag me along. Remember the night at Lord Doyle’s mansion? It’s just like that, but even better.  
I hope you’re well and I’m hoping to hear from you soon. Perhaps you can come visit me here some day. Minrathous is beautiful during spring. _

_Your friend,  
Anders _

He’d tried to keep his message as short as possible. Anders hoped that Hawke remembered their night at Lord Doyle’s. He was part of one of these old Kirkwall families who didn’t approve of having an Fereldan in Hightown. One day, he’d invited Hawke to his mansion. It had been a trap, an obvious one, that’s why his friend hadn’t went to the Lord’s mansion alone that night. Anders really hoped Hawke would get what he was trying to say. Doyle had been a sneaky, backstabbing bastard. He’d played nicely during the dinner, until the fighting had started. _Come and help us, but be careful. Don’t be fooled by how kind everybody is. It’s a trap._. 

Suddenly, everyone in the room was standing up and Anders was jolted from his thoughts. Apparently, the meeting was over; he just hoped he hadn’t missed anything important Danarius wished to talk about later. His mentor eyed him with a curious expression as Anders got up to his feet quickly. They left the building together, getting right into the carriage that awaited them. 

“Did the suggestion to leave for Seheron scare you?” Danarius asked as soon as they’d started moving. 

“A little bit,” Anders confessed. He’d decided that being honest was the best way to win the magisters trust. “I’m not exactly fond of the qunari.. Kirkwall had suffered a great deal under them. I made it out alive the last time I fought them, there’s no telling I would a second time. There’s still so much to see and learn here in Tevinter.”

Danarius smiled at him. 

“There’ll be a time I won’t be able to protect you. Every magister has to join the military force at one point at least. Most of the times, we’re not directly involved in the fighting. The last time I went to Seheron, though… Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s taken me years, but things are finally like they should be again.”

Anders still itched to ask about the story, but again refrained from it for Fenris’s sake and simply smiled. 

“Do you care for a stroll over the market? I haven’t been there in quite some time.” 

“I could do with a few new robes,” Anders answered smiling, which only made Danarius laugh full-heartedly.

“You’re closet will surely burst at some point. And here I thought Feraldan had no sense of fashion at all.”

“I’m from the Andersfels. Besides, I’ve been running around in the same old robes for _years_. I have to make up for that,” Anders quipped. He had another reason to go to the market as well. There, he could send his letter on its way.

***

“Cato, wait!” Anders hurried to catch up with the fellow healer. He had hoped to see him for a while now, after having talked to Danarius about Fenris’s lingering pain. Cato regarded him with an almost fearful expression.

“You wish to talk to me?” he asked carefully. Anders noticed the stared of the slaves around them, who quickly averted their eyes as soon as he caught them doing it. There it was again, this sense of paranoia since he’d come to live up in the mansion again. What if some of them were spies? 

“Would you join me in the gardens. The weather is lovely.” He knew he wouldn’t be safe there, though their voices wouldn’t carry as easily as they did in the halls. Cato nodded and they made their way out. It was truly beautiful out there and Anders took a moment to breath in the fresh air with its flowery bouquet. 

“What’s wrong?” Cato queried, eying him again with a fearful expression. 

“Oh, nothing. I just talked to Danarius about that spell for Fenris a while ago. You know the one that keeps him in constant pain.”

Cato’s face turned from pale to red. “Is he already teaching you? I’ve never been able to do it,” he stuttered. For a moment, Anders stared at him in confusion. If Cato hadn’t done it, then who had? 

“You.. have you been practising since Fenris has returned?” he queried carefully. 

“I have. I thought it’d be easier on the successful experiment rather than the remnants of Danarius’s failed follow-ups. Still, it just didn’t work.” 

“It did. At least that’s what Fenris told me. He said your healing didn’t take away the pain.”

 

Suddenly, Cato’s eyes lit up. “So I _did_ make it! Did you tell Danarius? I don’t want him to think I’m useless. I know I kind of am since he’s taken another healer as his apprentice, but he hasn’t taught you that spell yet, right?”

“Danarius already knows,” Anders said as he tried to smile at Cato. It disgusted him how excited he was about the news that he’d left Fenris hurting. He was a healer, how could he? 

“Good! That’s good!” Cato beamed, but then his face fell a bit. “Why hasn’t he talked to me about it, then?”

“He’s a busy man, especially now that there’s a new wave of Qunari attacks.” 

Cato nodded absently but visibly hunched in on himself. 

“You’re scared of him.” Anders remarked in sudden realization. 

 

“You aren’t? Of course you aren’t. You’re way better with healing than I am, you’re probably better at other abilities, too. I’m not from a noble family. The moment I outlive my usefulness I’ll get kicked out of the mansion. My family counts on me, I’m the only one born with magic.”

“I’m his apprentice, you’re his healer. I can’t be both,” Anders tried to calm reassure him.

“ _I_ was supposed to become his apprentice,” Cato answered with a sudden flash of anger that caught Anders by surprise. 

“I’m sorry,” the other healer immediately apologized at the look on his face. “I just.. Healer are rarely taken on as apprentices, so when Danarius applied for one, I got my hopes up. It was my only chance.”

“Why? You’re a mage, you could be an apprentice to another magister.”

“Healer are considered useful, but weak. We’re not meant to be in a position of power.”

“Then.. why had Danarius be looking for one?” Anders asked in confusion. As a host to a spirit, he’d probably stood out against other healers. When they were considered weak, it didn’t really make sense to explicitly look for one. 

“I’m not sure,” Cato carefully said after a while. “Perhaps it has something to do with his experiments? Did he make you sign those contracts, too?”

 

Anders remembered signing various contracts. Danarius had told him that the worst about being a magister was dealing with all the paper work.. he’d also told him he’d sign some standard contract, so Anders hadn’t really cared to read them. Suddenly, he felt sick. Perhaps Fenris wasn’t the only one he should be worried about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the new chapter and again thanks for all the nice comments and kudos :) you never fail to put a smile on my face and it makes writing this story so much easier.
> 
> when I started writing this, I thought it would be something about ten chapters long in the end. I guess I.. miscalculated a bit.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much for weekly updates, huh? I'm really sorry. I try to talk myself into writing every day but I mostly just end up staring at the screen doing nothing (writing is hard, editing is even harder and also my head hurts). depression is an asshole. this chapter is a little shorter than I intended but I decided to post it anyway to let you know this story is not dead.  
> thank you for your kind comments, kudos and your patience!

Anders idly drew patterns on the naked chest of the man next to him. 

“We should do this more often,” he murmured into his ear, playfully catching the lobe between his teeth. For a few blissful moments, he’d been able to stir his attention away from what was going on at the mansion. There was a celebration going on, which wasn’t unusual. The occasion was what was nagging on him, though. 

“And risk getting caught and socially ruined? Getting involved is never a good idea.” The other man chuckled. Anders nodded absent-mindedly. It wasn’t what he’d meant anyway, he hadn’t even bothered to ask the other man’s name. Or had he? If so, it had slipped his mind easily. Tevinter was not exactly progressive when it came to love between two men or women. He’d known this before, had read about it in countless books. Tevintern was powerful due to the high number of mages living there. Mages and magisters in particular were supposed to sire an heir. Not for the first time he asked himself if Danarius had ever been married. Did he have children he never spoke of? He could ask him, but he felt like it wasn’t for him to pry. 

The echo of laughter carrying through the mansion brought Anders attention back to the present. The party was still going on. Erimond had returned to Minrathous. According to the stories, he’d only barely managed to come back alive, since his caravan had been attacked by qunari. Anders wished the encounter had ended differently.  
Seeing Erimond again had Anders mind wandering back to the cell and what had happened there weeks ago. He hadn’t seen Fenris for another week now as Cato had been ordered to take care of the elf again. As Danarius’s apprentice, Anders was expected to spend his time otherwise. Over the last week, Anders had managed to earn the trust of the other healer. They’d build some fragile spark of friendship and Anders had really started to like him. Cato had been trying to explain the spell affecting Fenris’s markings - Anders had been eager to hear everything about it, eager to find a solution, to un-do it once they’d managed to escape. He imagined Fenris looking at him, pain free for the first time of his life and it made his chest feel strangely tight. 

He knew he wasn’t supposed to dwell on that sensation. It was dangerous and distracting. So instead, he snuggled against the warm body beside him, determined to forget about anything else at least for a little while.

***

The noise wouldn’t go away. Anders tried to cover his ears, tries to inch closer to the warmth next to him.

“Anders!”

The voice saying his name sounded desperate. It wasn’t unusual. The hurt and sick often woken him late at night, unable to wait much longer. There were always sick and injured people in Darktown. 

This wasn’t Darktown. 

Confused, Anders opened one eye, peering at the door. It was still closed, but someone kept knocking and apparently wouldn’t go away. With a sigh, Anders tried to untangle himself from the blankets which earned him a sleepy grunt from the man next to him. 

“Anders! Wake up!” 

Anders now recognized the voice as Cato’s. Panic gripped at his heart as tonight’s party - and their very special guest - came back to his mind. Quickly, he put on some clothes. 

“What’s wrong?” he whispered as soon as he’d opened the door, though part of him already knew. 

“Please help me, I don’t know what to do!” Cato’s eyes were wide with fear, his face pale. 

“What happened?” Anders asked, already moving past Cato and making his way to Fenris’s cell. 

“I..I don’t know,” the other healer stuttered, visibly shocked. “I was called to heal Fenris as soon as they were done with him.”

“They?” 

“Erimond and two of his friends.”

 

Anders remembered the magister’s entourage. They’d returned with him to Minrathous, mages from noble families if he’d heard correctly. He felt unable to talk to Cato for the moment, his only thought on how to get to the elf as quickly as possible. He wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or anxious when they finally reached the wooden door with the magical lock. But instead of unlocking it, Cato went over to another door next to Fenris’s cell. Anders didn’t care to ask what was behind those other doors. Other prisoners, he suspected. Slaves. It didn’t matter for now. As soon as Anders heard the familiar click of another magical lock, he pushed past the other healer and into the room. Just to stop dead at the sight he was met with. 

Fenris was lying on something like a table in a pool of his own blood, his hands over his head, fixated by knives, thrusted through skin and flesh and possibly bones, leaving the elf immobilized. Anders let his eyes roam over the room for a few seconds. It was definitely made for torture, with various instruments hanging on the wall with the only purpose to inflict as much pain as possible. He shuddered and for a moment, felt unable to move. Fenris lay perfectly still on the table, naked and bleeding and Anders just stood there, staring at him. 

“I didn’t know what to do,” Cato whispered. 

“Maker,” Anders finally mumbled. The closer he looked at Fenris, the more it became apparent to him that the elf was visibly shaking, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Anders pulled himself out of his own state of shock. He had to do _something_. He was a healer, he should know what to do about all this. Anders closed his eyes for a second to block out the sight. Taking a deep breath, he chided himself to concentrate. Fenris needed him. 

First, Anders thought, he had to take out the knives. He had to be quick to cause Fenris as less pain as possible and he had to heal the would real quickly but also very carefully. Fenris was a warrior, a bodyguard. He _needed_ his hands. Without proper healing, there was no way he’d ever be able to use a sword properly again.  
After taking care of his hands, Anders had to take care of all the other injuries. Although he dreaded to scan the elf’s body, afraid what he’d find. There were visible bite marks on Fenris’s torso, cuts, stabs and scratches from some of the torture equipment.. but there was also a lot of blood on the man’s thighs and Anders knew Erimond good enough by now to know he hadn’t just tortured the elf.  
Anders shook his head as he was losing focus again. He had to act now, everything else had to wait until Fenris was healed from anything that had been done to him tonight. At least physically. 

Carefully, he took a few steps to stand on the other side of the table. Fenris showed no reaction when he looked down on his face. Anders reached out and wrapped his fingers around the handle of one of the knife. 

“I want you to pull out the other knife the exact moment I pull out this one,” he told Cato in a whisper. “No need for him to suffer even more.”

Cato nodded. Anders noticed the way his steps almost faltered as he got closer to Fenris. Cato hadn’t had the education he had. He hadn’t lived in the sewers knitting flesh wounds and bones. He’d been trained to heal minor injuries and wounds. It must be the first time he was confronted with injuries as severe as this. For Anders, it wasn’t the worst he’d seen, but it was definitely one of the cruelest things done to a person he’d encountered so far.  
With a slight tremor to his hands, Cato wrapped his fingers around the handle as well. Anders nodded with a grim look and they both janked the blades out of Fenris’s hands. Asides from an almost inaudible whimper, the elf didn’t react at all, but Anders knew he must be in severe pain. Carefully, he took both the elf’s hands into his own, willing his magic to knit sinews, nerve endings and flesh back together. 

“Anders?” Fenris whimpered as he was done healing his hands. 

“I’m here,” Anders answered quietly. The elf was staring up at him and suddenly, he pulled his hands out of the healer’s grip, clawing at his robes instead. 

“Careful! You’ll hurt yourself,” Anders gasped, but Fenris wouldn’t let go. He’d keep the fabric in a firm grip also it must hurt him to use his newly healed hands like this and stared at Anders with a wild look. Anders put his own hands over the claws on his robes. “I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere soon. Let me see to all of your injuries, first.”

Fenris didn’t seem to comprehend his words, still staring at him with unblinking eyes. His faces was still too pale. Anders accepted that there was no way the elf would let go of him soon, so he tried to overlook what Erimond had done to him with the warrior clinging to his upper body. He noticed Cato watching them, standing in the distance awkwardly. 

Anders tried not to think too much on what had been done to Fenris. What he’d witnessed Erimond doing to him before? It was nothing compared to this. It took a lot of effort and concentration from Anders as he scanned over Fenris’s body, healing every injury he could find. All the time, the elf didn’t let go of his robes, clinging on him as if his life depended on it. Sometimes, when Anders got to a wound that was extremely hard to heal, Fenris would gasp and Anders would sooth him with words, a smile or by stroking his hair. For a fleeting moment, Anders thought about what his friends in Kirkwall would think if they’d see them like this. Fenris would never had let him touch back then, never would had been calmed by his voice. But here in Tevinter, Anders was the closest to a friend Fenris had. 

“All done now,” he said with a strained smile after what felt like hours. Fenris was still shaking, staring up at him with huge fearful eyes. 

“Will he be ok?” Cato queried carefully. 

“Physically speaking? Yes.” 

“And Otherwise? What are you doing?” Cato asked confused as Anders cradled the elf in his arms in an attempt to lift him up from the table. 

“Getting him out of here.” 

Anders lifted him up. He remembered a remark from Hawke once the elf had been injured and carried back to his clinic by the rogue. _He’s heavier than he looks._ Anders didn’t doubt the statement had been true, then. Now though, after being hold down here with no room to train or even move, Fenris had lost a lot of his muscles. He wasn’t exactly a lightweight, still, but he didn’t weigh more than the mage had anticipated. Fenris’s grip on his clothes was still tight, his eyes never leaving his face. 

“It’s alright,” Anders whispered to him. 

“Where are you taking him?”

“Up.”

“No!” Cato nearly yelled in panic. “Please! Anders! You can’t carry him upstairs, Danarius will be furious!” 

He would be, Anders was sure of it and for a moment, he reveled in the thought of figurally spitting into the magisters face by carrying Fenris up and out of the mansion, of rescueing the magister’s favourite slave. But it wouldn’t be a rescue mission. Danarius would be furious and he would punish Anders severely. And Fenris, too. Cato was right, he couldn’t do it. He still needed Danarius to trust him or otherwise, any chance on a true rescue mission would be lost. 

“I will carry him to his own cell, then.” 

Cato made a distressed noise, but otherwise followed. Fenris was pliant in his arms. He didn’t struggle at all, almost as if he was trusting him. Anders knew it probably wasn’t true, but he liked the idea that the elf did indeed trust him. More than Danarius, at least. 

With a few strides, Anders left the torture chamber and stood before Fenris’s room, waiting for Cato to open the door. 

“We need something to keep him warm. Would you please get some blankets? You can find some in my chambers,” he instructed the other mage as he went inside. 

“He’s a _slave_ , Danarius will be..-”

“Danarius wants Fenris to live. He’s lost a lot of blood and his body went into shock. I need to keep him warm, this is not a question of comfort.” The words came out harsher than he’d intended, but he was not in the mood to argue. He didn’t look at the other mage when Cato left without another word and oddly, Anders noticed Fenris relaxing visibly almost instantly. Though he was still gripping at the fabric of his robes, it wasn’t as tight as it had been before. Carefully, he lowered himself on the ground, keeping Fenris upright on his lap. 

“I’m so sorry for what’s been done to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from them.”

Telling the warrior he would be the one that _needed_ protection felt strange, but in Tevinter, it was very true. For all the elf’s strength, he was powerless in this situation. Anders was the one in power and it felt.. wrong. For a moment, he imagined himself in Templar armour and had to shake his head violently to erase the image. Again, he tried to focus on the elf instead right in time to see Fenris close his eyes. Anders decided to take this as another sign of trust.  
He _had_ to get him out of here somehow. Somehow, he had to convince Danarius to take Fenris upstairs, it was the first and most necessary step. The second step? He’d have to think about that one later.

Silence settled over them for a while as Fenris was calming down further, his breathing evening out and most of the tension leaving his body. Anders would had thought him asleep, had he not immediately tensed again at the sounds of steps echoing in the hallway. 

“I found two blankets, is that sufficient?” Cato looked at him, uncertainty in his eyes. 

“They’ll do, thank you.” Anders smiled in return. “I’ll stay with him for the night, making sure there are no complication.”

Cato’s eyes widened in surprise. “I don’t think Danarius will..-”

“He’ll be thankful if Fenris survives the night. You can tell him Fenris is ready to be ordered upstairs.” He tried to let it sound like an order, even though he actually had no say over the elf. Danarius _had to_ listen to him. Otherwise, he wasn’t sure how long Fenris would be able to keep his sanity, his sense of freedom. He looked down at the elf who was in return staring up at him again. Perhaps, it was already too late. Anders could only hope it wasn’t. He didn’t know about the horrors Fenris had to live through since he’d left his side. 

“I’ll try.. to talk to him in the morning,” Cato answered haltingly.

“Good, thank you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took me so long.. again. I'm really trying to work on this every day. thanks to everyone who's still reading this and to every kind person who left comments or kudos :)

Anders’s legs and back hurt from sitting in one position too long, still he couldn’t tear his eyes off Fenris’s sleeping face. A while ago, he’d cast some light sleeping spell on the elf. For once because Fenris’s body needed rest, but mostly because he found the elf constantly staring at him rather _disturbing_. Staring at him in his sleep in return wasn’t very calming either. Anders had seen Fenris sleep several times. All peacefulness he’d witnessed on this occasion was gone now, his brows furrowed even in his sleep. 

And Anders was part of what had taken put all that trouble there. He, because he was a mage, an apprentice to a magister, a part of the system which allowed slavery.. In Tevinter, being a mage was a curse of a completely different matter. What if the Maker truly hated mages? What would Justice think of that, what would he think of their cause after what he’d witnessed in Tevinter? Anders for his part was torn. Where he came from, mages were some kind of slaves, too. Because of a world that feared them, they were condemned to a life where templars were watching their every step. Anders had always thought them wrong.. sure, there were evil mages, but surely the majority of them only wanted to live in peace and find themselves some happiness. No one he’d ever known wanted to use his powers to oppress the rest of the world. But in Tevinter, things were different. 

Those without magic were powerless, a lot of them were dehumanized, someone’s property… slaves. How could he trust the mages in the South not to turn the rest of Thedas into Tevinter? How could he _not_ trust them? Since the day he’d been brought to the Circle, all he ever wanted was to be free. Free to chose his own life. With Justice, he thought he’d had the means to move things forward, to accomplish something regarding freedom for _all_ mages.. He still wanted that, but part of him was scared of what it would mean to the world. 

Fenris stirred and Anders blinked a few times against the tears that had started to spill from his eyes. Quickly, he rubbed the wetness away, determined to be strong for the man he’d come to call a friend in this hostile country. 

“Anders?” the elf asked, his voice thick from sleep. 

“I’m here,” Anders answered, though Fenris’s eyes had already found him sitting mere inches away from him. 

“What happened?” Fenris’s eyebrows were drawn together in confusion. Anders had seen this expression before, usually paired with anger or rage. Today, all he could find in those eyes was fear. 

“You don’t remember?” he asked evasive. Fenris only shook his head as an answer. 

“Erimond came back and you.. were injured.”

Fenris’s eyes left his face for a while and Anders could see the effort clearly written on the elf’s own face as he tried to remember. 

“You healed me.”

“I did.”

“I.. remember your magic.” For a moment, Fenris’s face was painted with confusion once more before he very slowly held his hands up to look at them. 

“My hands,” he murmured almost inaudibly. Anders resisted the urge to grab those hands, to hold them, to soothe the man they belonged to.. but it seemed too wrong, too intimate. And Anders still wasn’t sure if Fenris would allow him to call them friends. Judging from the way the elf had acted a few hours ago, he _trusted_ him.. the thought made his head tingle. 

“Erimond hurt them pretty badly and Cato was concerned he wouldn’t be able to heal them properly. That’s why he came to me and.. I healed them. So.. your hands should be fine. Maybe a little bit sore for a few days.. let me know if you feel any pain.”

“I.. would have been of no use to Danarius anymore. He would have slaughtered me after all.” Fenris looked at his hands incredulously. “Why did he.. I don’t..” 

“I don’t think he gave Erimond permission to hurt you like this.”

“No.. I guess not,” Fenris answered, suddenly appearing deep in thought. He seemed so lost and hurt and small that moment, it nearly broke something inside of Anders. Suddenly, he couldn’t bear the silence between them as the elf offered no further input to the conversation and felt the need to fill the quickly growing space between them with words.

“I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to get you out of here _before_ they did those things to you. I truly am. Please don’t give up! With any luck, Danarius will talk to me tomorrow and get you out of this cell. It’s way easier to plan our escape from there on! I even wrote a letter to Hawke. With her help, we’ll be out here in-..” Anders flinched at the sudden sensation of Fenris’s hands on his own. Perplexed and to make sure he wasn’t imagining things, he looked down on his knee, where his own hand lay. Fenris had in fact grabbed his hand and still wouldn’t let go of it. There was a shy smile on Anders’s face he couldn’t keep from spreading when he looked up at Fenris. The mage had never been good at hiding his emotions, a stark contrast to the elf who rarely showed anything aside from anger. Right now, though, he was smirking tiredly at the Anders. 

“Thank you. But please don’t pull Hawke into this. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Anders snorted nervously. “Hawke? Hurt? She’s the Champion of Kirkwall. Not even the Arishok was able to truly hurt her.”  
The hand of Fenris’s skin felt warm on his own and he hoped the elf couldn’t feel the slight tremble that went through his whole body like tiny waves. “We _will_ get you out of here. Don’t give up hope.” He felt bolt when he covered the elf’s hand with this other hand. “You’ll see we’ll be back in Kirkwall in no time and we’ll be at each others throat all over again.” 

Fenris chuckled dryly. “You have to promise me one thing though.. _mage_.” The last word was said in an almost playful manner that pulled a short laugh from Anders.

“What?” he asked with a smile. 

“I said this before, but _if_ you have the chance to leave and there’s no chance - and I mean a real chance - to get me out of here, I want you to run and never come back.” Fenris’s eyes bore into him with an intensity that made Anders swallow, all playfulness gone. “Also..,” he added after a few seconds, something Anders couldn’t place settling over his face. “Never tell the others what they did to me. Especially Hawke.”

“You’ll asked me to promise you one thing. I promise you I’ll never tell anyone.”

“But..-” Fenris’s brow furrowed but Anders only shook his head. 

“I said this before,” he echoed the other man’s words. “I’m not going to leave you here.”

Fenris looked at him as if he wanted to say something, so Anders didn’t leave him a chance. 

“I’m not leaving you,” he repeated with a firm voice. Fenris closed his mouth and forced a tight lipped smile. 

“Tomorrow, we’ll figure things out with Danarius,” Anders continued into the elf’s silence. He felt the other man’s hand clench between his own in an attempt to pull away. For a moment, Anders was caught between pretending not to have noticed and giving Fenris some space.. it was only a moment before he balked at his own willingness to ignore the elf’s wishes. 

Fenris cleared his throat. “We.. I.. things will be different when I’m with Danarius again.”

“I know. But everything’s better than being down here, right?”

Fenris’s eyes flickered up at him. There was a hint of anger before a certain blankness settled over his whole face. Somehow, this managed to frighten Anders more than the elf’s rage. 

“I mean.. I know he’s an ass. But they were _torturing_ you down here. At least Danarius won’t do that anymore, right?”

“Not like them, no.” Fenris’s words sounded as blank as his face and it made Anders feel helpless once more. 

“Just.. play along for a while. And never give up hope.”

Fenris was silent for a moment and this time, Anders tried not to talk it away. He felt the elf needed a moment of quiet.

“Be careful not to seem too eager to help me up there. Don’t run to me when I’m hurt, don’t speak up for me. You have to support Danarius in his decisions.”

“I.. what?” 

 

“The guards have already noticed and I’m sure the other healer did as well. Danarius won’t take kindly to this..”

“To.. what?”

Fenris frowned. For a moment, he looked uncertain to Anders but it changed so quickly into a look of irritation that the mage wasn’t sure it had ever truly been there. “Just.. make sure to be on the _mages_ side, alright?” This time, the word clearly held some kind of venom. Anders stared at the elf’s back as he moved to turn onto his side, facing away from the mage. 

“I’m tired now,” Fenris mumbled.

***

“Anders? Wake up!”

Anders growled sleepily as he was shaken by his shoulders. His back hurt, his head hurt and he was still so very tired after having lain awake for hours before being able to get some sleep. He didn’t want to get up.. 

“Anders.. please. Danarius is already mad at me.”

Danarius. Cato. Fenris. Suddenly Anders was wide awake. The other healer was standing right in front of him as he opened up his eyes. 

“Why’s he mad at you?” he asked, his voice still a little rough. Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Fenris kneeling on the floor, not looking at either of them. Anders frowned at him for a second before returning his eyes to the other mage. 

“Because you’re down here and because I told him that you want to bring Fenris upstairs for.. medical reasons. He wants to talk to you.”

“What about Fenris?”

 

“Fenris stays in his cell for now.”

“But..” _Be careful not to seem too eager to help me_. “Alright.”

Anders tried to get a better look at Fenris, but the elf was still kneeling on the floor, his face hidden by his hair. He wasn’t sure if he’d acted any differently if they’d been alone.. he’d warned him about seeming too eager to help him in front of others after all. Thinking about the way Fenris had abruptly ended their conversation the night before, there was a tinge of anger bubbling up inside of Anders at the way the elf seemed to shut him out again right now. With a last look at Fenris, he got up from the floor. 

“Let’s get going then. I’ll tell him this was all my fault, don’t worry,” he assured Cato. The other healer smiled at him in return.  
“You’re my friend. I don’t like him being mad at you either.”

***

Danarius looked at Anders with an unwavering stare and he felt strangely exposed under the magisters scrutiny. It wasn’t like in one of his dreams he’d had back in the Circle, the ones where he forgot to put his clothes on before class.. no, it was different from that. Danarius wasn’t using blood magic - Anders would be able to sense that for sure - but it still felt like he was somehow reading his mind.

“So you have been spending the night with my Fenris,” Danarius stated in an even voice. If not for this cold grey eyes staring at him, Anders would have easily thought it just an observation. 

“For healing purpose, yes.”

“Is that so.” The continuing stare let shivers run down his spine. “My Fenris had already been assigned a healer.”

“I know.. ,” Anders started, unsure how to explain what happened without getting Cato into trouble. 

“He’s been hurt pretty badly, especially his hands. I’ve never healed injuries as severe as that.. I didn’t want to leave your slave incapable of serving you as a bodyguard.” Cato’s voices wavered only ever so slightly. Anders had to fight the urge to stare at the other healer, instead he tried to will away every hint of surprise off his face. He hadn’t expected Cato to speak up, to tell the truth even. It appeared to Anders that Tevinter had turned him even more suspicious of other people. Everyone was after something.. and he realized that deep down in a dark place of his mind, he’d expected his new friend to lie to get on Danarius’s good side. After noticing the magister was now directing his cold stare at Cato, Anders felt even more guilty for that.

“Fenris’s hands were extremely hard to heal, even for a spirit healer. There’d been huge destruction to his nerves and blood vessels, a less experienced healer would have probably done even more damage.” 

“Is that so?” Danarius asked again with a raised eyebrow. He seemed to think on what Anders had just said for a moment. “It seems my friend has taken it a bit too far on the lad, then.”

It was now or never. “What happened last night has caused a huge trauma on Fenris’s body.. and his mind. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I think it’s time to get him out of his cell.” 

“That is not up for you to decide.” Danarius was looking at him again, but some of the coldness had left his eyes already. With a little more confidence, Anders straightened his back just a tiny bit. 

“It’s merely a suggestion. As a healer, I know there’s only a thin line between a broken and a lost mind. Fenris is about to lose his, it would render him completely useless as a bodyguard.”

Danarius held up his hand, which Anders thought was a sign for him to stop, but in fact cause a slave to appear out of nowhere. 

“Tell the guards to bring Fenris into my office.”

Anders couldn’t believe the magister just gave in so quickly. It was a victory, a small one and it made the tingling in his head return he’d experienced earlier. It was a strange sensation.. one he couldn’t explain and one that made it impossible for him to hide the little smile on his face. 

“Anders,” Danarius said in a firm voice, his eyes once more on his apprentice. It caused the healer to snap out of his little place of happiness back into reality. Still, he couldn’t stop beaming.  
“I want you to train Cato. I don’t want to walk into your chambers again right in the morning to not find _you_ in there.” The magister’s eyes on him let his smile die in an instant. No, he hadn’t been in his chambers this morning. But Anders wasn’t sure it had been empty, either.. 

“You are my apprentice and I don’t want you to neglect your tasks. For anything or Any _one_. So Cato needs better training to be able to master those situations alone.” 

Next to him, Cato hunched a little more than usual. Anders felt sorry for him. Getting him was the right thing to do.. All he wanted was to please the magister and Danarius still talked to him like what had happened was somehow Cato’s fault. Anders knew that this must feel like a heavy setback to him. 

“Also, I want you two to come into my office tomorrow. We have some experiments to discuss. In fact, I planned to start with them today, but apparently I have to deal with my Fenris first.”

“What kind of experiment?” Anders asked. Usually, he just read about Danarius’s older experiments, never before had he actively been part of it. He wasn’t sure he wanted to, either.. Considering that Fenris, too, was one of this experiments. 

“I’ll explain it to you later,” Danarius answered with a smirk and something about that disturbed Anders greatly. He just hoped it wouldn’t have something to do with Fenris this time. 

There was a short knock on his door. “Now leave and return to your tasks.”

Anders nodded and made his way to the door, with Cato in tow. He only managed to catch a short glance at Fenris as soon as the door was opened. The elf was wearing a plain tunic, his hands had been bound together in front of him. Anders would have tried to send him an encouraging smile, but Fenris was staring at the floor with hunched shoulders.  
Something inside Anders screamed at the sight of that. 

_I will get you out of here._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha, it's only a little more over a weeks since I last updated, right? ;) I really try to do better. 
> 
> again, thanks for all the kudos and comments! it really keeps me motivated to write this story (and it keeps getting longer and longer in my head)

The chain was way too thin to hold Fenris back, even in his still weakened state. It was nothing but a symbol of the power Danarius held over his slave who stood obediently by his side, his head bowed. The magister didn’t seem to care about the slight tremble in the elf’s limbs from staying still too long. He went on with his work, spoke to business partners and planned the next party at his mansion. He wrote letters, ate.. all the time, Fenris only moved whenf Danarius asked him to. Seeing Fenris reduced to something akin to a decorative piece of furniture filled Anders with distress and he tried even harder to get lost in his studies. 

 

But every time the healer looked up from his book, his eyes caught the golden chain running down from the elf’s collar. A collar so much like the one he wore himself.. he would have said it made him feel like a prisoner, but next to Fenris, it sounded absurd and wrong. It did nothing to change the way he _felt_ today. The collar around his throat seemed to suffocate him, he felt its weight whenever he turned his head and he longed to feel the power of his friend Justice. Justice would get them out of here in no time, he was sure of it. 

“Hand me the book, Fenris.” It was a soft spoken command but the elf reacted instantly, like a well-oiled machine. Anders fixed his eyes on his book once more, swallowing thickly. It took so much effort to fight the urge to get up and hit Danarius in the face. 

The magister had asked him to research about some runes. He hadn’t explained the whole experiment, but apparently he was trying to trap a powerful spirit in this realm. A thought that made Anders cringe inwardly. Of course it was a dangerous endeavour, one that could cause the death of many innocent people.. also Anders had been the host to a spirit for years now and seeing one of them trapped and caged by Danarius made him shiver. 

Still, Anders was relieved Danarius hadn’t planned any further experiment on slaves - and Fenris. Not for now. It gave him more time for planning their escape, even though at the moment, Anders felt a little clueless. Fenris would be always as Danarius’s side and it would be hard to even talk to the elf alone. Anders could only hope that with a little time, the magister would let his slave a little bit off his leash..

Fenris clenched and unclenched his fists. Anders wondered if he was still in pain, which.. 

“Danarius, I’d like to take a look at Fenris’s hands later, if you don’t mind. I’d like to make sure I haven’t missed something.”

The magister looked up from the book he’d been reading. “And how long would that take?”

“Not long. I’d like to put on some soothing balm, too, but I have to make this one first. Maybe you could send him to my room shortly before dinner? It’ll only take a few minutes.”

Danarius gave him a long look that made Anders wish he hadn’t said anything. It wasn’t completely a lie, though. He’d really like to check on the elf’s injuries and if that gave him the opportunity to talk to him, even better. 

“Alright,” Danarius answered eventually. “But make it quick.”

***

The silent knock was enough to startle the healer who’d been lost in thought.

“Come in,” he called.

“You wanted to take a look at my hands,” Fenris said as if he had to warrant his visit. It caused a little smile to appear on the mage’s lips. Back in Kirkwall, Fenris would act the same way. _Hawke sent me to let you heal my wounds._  
He gestured for the elf to close the door and stood up from his chair to get a better look at his visitor. Fenris looked a little pale but otherwise unharmed. 

“Are you in pain?” He asked. 

“It’s nothing I can’t manage.” 

Anders snorted. “That wasn’t my question. Let me look at your hands, first.”

Fenris’s held his hands out obediently and Anders made quick work to check on them. He could feel the soreness in them but otherwise, they seemed ok. 

“Alright. Let me put some balm on them, that should sooth the pain.” Also, bandaging the elf’s hands would be an actual proof to Danarius that Anders did something to heal him. He’d take good care of his mentor’s slave and Danarius would have no choice to do nothing but trust him.. eventually. Carefully, Anders got to work. 

“How are things with Danarius?” he questioned almost casually.

“Fine,” Fenris answered mechanically. Anders’s eyes shot up from the bandages to the other man’s face but there was… nothing. For a moment. panic gripped at Anders’s heart. Had the magister already used some kind of blood magic on Fenris? Had he already erased his memories? Did Fenris even knew _who_ he was?

“Do you.. remember about our plan?” Anders asked gingerly. 

“ _Your_ plan, yes. It’s foolish to think you could ever get me out of here now,” Fenris practically hissed, the sudden change in his behaviour causing Anders to flinch and almost drop the balm. 

“It isn’t foolish,” he said a little defensively. 

“Danarius will never let me go.”

“No, he will not, not willingly. That’s why we have to make a plan.”

“And what is your brilliant plan, _mage_?” 

Anders took a deep breath. It would be easy to get angry at Fenris, just like he used to in Kirkwall. It would be easy to tell himself he simply hated the elf, that he could simply leave him here with Danarius. But he couldn’t. Not after what he’d seen, not after how things had.. changed. 

“I.. don’t know, yet. But I’m good at escaping, just give me time.”

“ _Time._ ” Fenris’s face contorted in pain for a moment. “Do you have any idea.. I.. I can’t do this.”

“Well, you could always kill him and then we just.. run,” Anders provided a little helplessly. 

“Do you think Danarius hadn’t thought of that? I can’t phase with this _collar_ and Danarius won’t take it off. He doesn’t trust me anymore.” Anger flickered over his features once more, an expression Anders could deal with more easily. 

“So you.. need to earn his trust which means you have to play along. As soon as you gain his trust, you can kill him.”

“Which _still_ isn’t much of a plan. Also I don’t know if he ever trusts me again.”

“Well, it’s a start of a plan. I know there’s much more we have to take into consideration. And he will trust you, otherwise you would be pretty useless as a bodyguard, right?” Anders smirked, but it didn’t have the effect he intended. Instead of cheering the elf up, Fenris only stared at him with a mild look of panic.

“He _will_ trust you eventually,” he repeated to distract himself. “Just.. play along. If it doesn’t work, we can think of something else. Please, I’m asking you to trust _me_.” It was much to ask and Anders knew it. Things might had changed between them, but Fenris still hadn’t much reason to trust him. It surprised him all the more to see the elf’s face soften instantly. 

“I will do as you ask of me,” he said with a short nod. It sounded weirdly formal, but Anders wasn’t picky. Anything that had the elf following his plan and not giving up on hope worked for him and so he smiled. 

“We.. probably won’t have time to talk much in the next couple of weeks,” the mage stated next. “But every time you look at me, think about our plan and that we’ll be out of Tevinter as soon as possible.”

 

Fenris again gave a short nod and a tiny smile, the latter made Anders’s heart beating wildly all of a sudden. 

_Something had definitely changed._

***

Anders didn’t had much time to think further on their plan for the next week. Things were busy in the mansion and with Danarius’s upcoming experiment, Anders spend more time in the library studying than he’d ever felt doing at the Circle. Every night he fell into bed exhausted.. he had no idea how to survive the next congress in a few days and the following party at Erimond’s mansion. Anders hadn’t seen the other magister since his welcome-home party and he wasn’t exactly looking forward to ever seeing him again. Unfortunately, Erimond was still a friend of his mentor.. how he maintain this friendship - as you could even call it that - was beyond him. Erimond had severely hurt Fenris, Danarius’s most cherished property (a thought that disgusted Anders deeply) to a point that could have left him permanently incapable of doing his duties. He’d gone too far, but was suffering no consequences for his cruelty.

Fenris, on the other hand, acted like nothing had ever happened to him. It was the clear display of a man who’d went to trauma before, but Anders couldn’t even begin to imagine what was going on inside of him. So far, Fenris did a good job at ‘playing along’ - not that he had any other choice, but the disgust he must feel for Danarius didn’t show at all. Instead, Fenris did whatever the magister asked of him.

 

Anders thought he was already seeing signs of a behavioral change towards Fenris in Danarius. The magister looked at his slave more fondly and yesterday, Fenris was allowed to sit at his ‘master’s’ feet, his head on the other man’s lap while he read and petted his hair absentmindedly. Even though it was disturbing, it did something to sooth the healer’s nerves. They were making progress. Which meant he definitely had to make time to think about a _plan_.

He hadn’t heard back from Hawke yet but he couldn’t sit idly and wait for her to rescue them. Also.. he wanted to be the one to rescue _Fenris_. Not to rub it into his face.. he couldn’t quite explain _why_ it was so important to him to help the elf, to be the one who got him out of here. It was a strange feeling.

“That looks pretty good, especially for a mage not raised in Tevinter.”

Anders jumped at the playful sound of Cato’s voice. Absorbed in his work, he hadn’t heard the other mage approach. 

“Thank you,” he chuckled a little breathlessly. “I guess growing up in the Circle was worth _something_.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bring up bad memories.”

“Oh, you didn’t. I was a lazy student back then, but I can see how it has benefited me now.”

Cato smiled at him. “Alright. So.. you want to talk about your results? I think I’m almost done with my work. Maybe we could even try to paint out the runes today. Danarius is probably going to reward as if we finish it earlier.”

Danarius had lain out a rough schedule for his experiment. Cato and Anders were supposed to be done with their research in about a week, but had been able to proceed much faster after finding a few notes on a similar experiment in an old book.  
Anders still felt uneasy about the whole thing, but he knew it was also an opportunity to gain the magister’s trust. And this was as crucial as Fenris’s gaining it. _If_ Fenris could kill Danarius when they were alone at his quarters, maybe there would be a change they could leave _before_ someone would notice. No one would be suspicious if the magister’s trusted apprentice walked side by side with his favourite slave. It wouldn’t solve all of their problems, but at least time would work in their advance. 

“Are you alright? You’ve got the faraway look again.”

Anders blinked a few times before he looked at his friend. “I’m alright, just tired,” he said smiling. “You’re right. We’ve worked hard on this and I think we’ve earned a reward.” 

“Right? I like working with you, Anders.” 

That pulled a laugh from the healer. “And _I_ like working with you. Let’s go to Danarius’s experimental room.”

***

“Great work,” Danarius said, smiling at them. Anders stared down at the runes they’d painted on the floor with a queasy feeling. It was great work indeed.

“Ah, this room has seen so many great experiments, right Fenris? I’m glad you’re a part of it now, Anders. You’ll do great as a magister one day.” Danarius ran his finger over the painting in concentration. Anders used this moment to glance at Fenris. The elf stood very still, but the mage still noticed a shiver running over his body. 

This was it. The room Fenris had been ‘made’. The realization made Anders feel sick. What Danarius called ‘great experiments’, he’d better see described as great terror. And it hadn’t stopped with Fenris either. Who knew what the magister planned with whatever spirit he intended to bind. 

“Anders, I’d like to ask a favour of you.” Danarius was looking at him and Anders tried to wipe any emotion off his face. A favour meant a chance to gain Danarius’s trust. 

“These runes look great, but I don’t want to take any risk. The tiniest mistake in the painting and a powerful spirit could break free.” 

Anders nodded thoughtfully. He’d worried about that, too. 

“This could actually be a great opportunity for both of us.” Danarius smiled. “Remember when we talked about Justice? I’m still not sure how he’ll react to his new.. situation. In this room, I could actually take off your collar and talk to him. And if there _are_ any mistakes, you might be able to controll him.”

“What?” Anders balked at the idea out of various reasons. _If_ Justice was angry, there was no way he could control the spirit. He’d blacked out in Kirkwall more than once losing control to his friend. Also, he wasn’t sure how much of his thoughts got through to him. Did Justice know of what they did to Fenris? Did he know of their plan? What if he told Danarius anything about it? 

“Well, if you want to think on it first, we could talk about it tomorrow,” Danarius said, though there was clearly a note of annoyance in his voice. 

“No I..” Had Anders any choice in this? He needed the magister to trust him. “I.. don’t have to think on it. I’ll do it. Though not today. I’m pretty tired after working on the painting for such a long time and I’m not sure I’d be able to control Justice if anything goes wrong.”

This on the other hand seemed to please Danarius greatly. “Very well. Tomorrow, then.”

Tomorrow. This didn’t give Anders much time to come up with a plan.

***

Anders had spend quite some time in front of the mirror. He had no idea if Justice knew what was going on, but he was still trying to urge him not to tell Danarius anything about their plans. Justice wouldn’t approve of lying, but this time, it was for a greater good. with any luck, the spirit would understand. Still, when he entered Danarius’s office the next morning, it was not without trepidation.

“Good Morning, Anders,” the magister greeted him as soon as he stepped inside. Anders smiled in return. His eyes flickered to Fenris for only a moment, the elf an ever present shadow. 

“Do you feel well rested?”

“Yes, thank you. We can start whenever you’re ready.”

Danarius nodded, Anders had expected a smile on the man’s face the morning they could start the experiment, instead his lips were pressed into a thin line. 

“I wish to speak to you first.” 

The words made Anders’s stomach drop and the moment Danarius pulled an envelope from a stack of paper, he felt ready to throw up. Hawke. 

“You received a letter this morning. It’s from your _friend_ in Kirkwall. I didn’t know you’ve contacted her.”

“I’m sorry.. I.. It was during my first few days here. Everything was busy and new and.. I just wanted to let her know I’m fine,” Anders stammered. 

“You wanted to let her know you’re _fine_.”

Anders nodded. 

“If you’re telling the truth, you’re probably ok with me reading it.”

The healer stared at him for a moment. Danarius stared back. 

 

“No, not at all,” Anders answered carefully. Hawke wasn’t stupid, he had to trust her. She’d know something like this could happen. He had to trust her or Danarius would never trust _him_ ever again. It would had been all for nothing. Still, as the envelope was opened, Anders’s heart started beating faster. He envied Fenris for a moment, the elf just stood there, his face not betraying anything while Anders felt like he was radiating anxiety. 

“ _Blondie_ ,” Danarius started reading aloud with a raised eyebrow. _Blondie_. So the letter wasn’t from Hawke, but from Varric. Anders relaxed instantly.

“ _I’m glad to hear you’ve been doing alright there in Tevinter. We’ve been worried sick, especially Hawke. By the way, she’s busy, so I hope you don’t mind me answering. Any chance you can invite us to one of those fancy parties? The food sounds delicious and if it’s anything like Lord Doyle’s, I assume my immediate assistance with the feast is required. Oh, and I guess Hawke would like to come, too. Hope to hear from you soon. Varric._ ”

Anders chuckled quietly at his friend’s letter. He could easily imagine the dwarf saying those things to him. He was also glad that he seemed to have gotten the hint.. Could Anders get Danarius to invite his friends or was it too much to hope? 

“I noticed your friend didn’t mention my Fenris at all.”

“That’s probably because I didn’t mention him in my letter either. It was.. I almost forgot he was here at all at the time. Also, I think they got pretty tired of him, too. At first they really liked him but I think with time, they only kept him around out of pity. Most of them were pretty annoyed by his behaviour. Maybe they’re glad he’s gone and therefore don’t bother asking.” Growing up in the Circle had Anders learn how to come up with lies like this easily. “I know it is a lot to ask.. but could we invite them? Not now, but some day? They are my friends after all.”

“They were my Fenris’s friends, too. I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Like I said, they’ve probably grown tired of him. We could simply compensate Hawke for the time she took care of Fenris and everything would be alright,” Anders quipped. Hearing back from Varric had somewhat bolstered his mood as well as his hopes. 

“The time she took care of my Fenris?” Danarius asked harshly. He turned around, fixing Fenris with a cold stare. “Did you sleep with her?”

“No, Master.” 

“Is he lying?” Danarius was looking at Anders again, a wild look in his eyes. The healer’s heart started beating faster in alarm. 

“No, he isn’t. Hawke is way too smitten with another man to have caught any interest in him.”

“The Chantry boy.” 

“What..? How..?”

“How do you think I knew about your spirit? I had contacts in Kirkwall, well informed contacts.” Danarius smirked at him before his expression became serious once more. “I also know that her advances are futile. Are you sure he didn’t use my Fenris for comfort?” 

“I’m sure of it. Hawke’s pretty romantic. She won’t give up hope on Sebastian and she knows sleeping with another man would take that chance away.”

Danarius looked at him for what seemed like a very long time. 

“I have no choice but to believe your words. I still don’t think it’s a good idea to invite your friends soon.”

Anders nodded, although a little discouraged. Of course, it would have been too easy

“Let us go and start the experiment. We can talk about this later.”

 

Again, Anders nodded. Anxiety seeping into his mind once more. But he had no choice. He followed Danarius through the corridors into the room where he’d painted the runes onto the floor the day before. Hadn’t the healer been so hyper aware of Fenris’s presence, he wouldn’t have noticed him at all. The elf’s feet didn’t make any sound as he moved like a shadow.

Anders’s nerves prickled like needles as soon as he stepped into the circle of runes. Danarius didn’t hesitate one second. 

“I will remove your collar now.”

Anders heard a silent click at the back of his neck. It was the last thing heard before everything was swallowed by blackness.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! editing this was the worst and I'm still not happy about this chapter. I hope you still enjoy reading it while I'm trying to become better at updating.  
> Thank you all for your nice comments and kudos :) this chapter was for some reason very hard to write but you kept me working on it

The room was spinning violently as Anders slowly came back to himself. For a moment, he didn’t recognise the room and nearly panicked. Too often had he been captured by Templars after an attempt to flee, too often had he been locked up into a room after they had silenced him - and at the moment, it felt like that had happened to him again. Anders didn’t moved, scared to alarm someone that he’d woken up.. but after a few anxious minutes, he remembered where he was. Tevinter. Danarius’s mansion. His room.  
Carefully, he turned his head to look out of the window. It appeared to be dark outside, but there was still enough light to hurt his eyes. He had no recollection of what had happened over the last few others. This must be how Hawke had felt after the Arishok had slammed her into a wall. Anders pressed his eyes shut and groaned softly as a sudden vicious pain bloomed in his head. 

“You’re awake.” 

Again, a flash of panic. Anders had to remind himself where he was, that he was not in danger. Once he had recognized the voice as Cato’s he had no further urge to turn his head into his direction to look at him. Surely, any more action would only worsen the pain.

“I’m not sure I’m even alive,” he mumbled instead of moving. 

Cato chuckled at that. “You almost got me doubting that for a moment too.”

“What happened?” Anders opened an eye only to regret this decision immediately as the dim light stabbed right his brain. Instinctively, he held his hand over both his eyes, shielding them from all evil there was to be seen in this world. Bright things in particular.

“Let’s say your _friend_ wasn’t exactly amused.”

“Justice.. how.. how is he?”

“Impressive.”

Impatient. That was the word that described Anders’s state the best at that moment. Instinctively, he rolled his eyes, only to press them close as the pain came back. He had to stay focused. Right now, he needed to know if the spirit had done or said something to endanger his mission. 

“Cato, please tell me what happened,” he sighed. 

There was a short silence before the other man started talking. 

“Alright. Justice was.. angry. It started off pretty dramatic because as soon as he saw Fenris, he tried to attack him. For a spirit, he surely knows how to insult someone.”

“What? Why Fenris?” That didn’t make any sense to Anders. Sure, Justice had never thought highly of the elf because of his views on mages, but he’d never insulted or attacked him before. Even though Anders had sometimes wished he had.. 

“He thought Fenris was responsible for your predicament. Said he sold you out. I mean, Danarius has already told me Fenris had given you a hard time in Kirkwall. You really must have hated each other before you came here.”

_Before you came here._ How things change.

“I.. we.. well, yes. We never saw eye to eye,” Anders sighed. It had been a tough time for both of them. After witnessing what had been done to Fenris in Tevinter, Anders was only beginning to understand _how_ hard it had been for the elf. Living among mages, a possessed one and a blood mage.. Anders had no idea why he hadn’t murdered them _years_ ago.

“From what I’ve heard that’s pretty much an understatement. Justice wouldn’t calm down until we removed Fenris from the room.”

Anders let out a shuddering breath. If Justice was that angry at Fenris, there was no way he’d witnessed what had been going on since he’d come to Tevinter. Even if Anders’s words had gotten to him the night before, Justice was no actor. He’d might manage not to spill the truth, but actively lying and putting on a show was a complete different thing. 

“What happened after Fenris was gone?” Anders asked, desperate to learn more about what had happened now. 

“A.. lot,” Cato answered evasively. It caused Anders to try to open his eyes once more to look at his friend. The light still hurt, but the pain faded quickly. Cato looked drained. How much time had passed since he’d blacked out? 

“Tell me, please.”

There was a heavy sigh.

“Danarius talked to him most of the time.” Cato studied his hands, unable to look at him. 

“Cato. Tell me.” 

“I.. really, I can’t. It was.. I’m tired. Justice was pretty angry and it took some time for him to calm down and talk to Danarius.”

Anders’s hands went to his neck. The collar was in place again. 

“Looks like they didn’t exactly come to an agreement.”

“I.. you should talk to Danarius about that. I’m only here because I was worried about you. As soon as we put the collar back on you passed out. I’m glad you didn’t die right there. I don’t understand how your body can conduct such power in the first place without bursting. I’m.. not sure I’d survive something like that.”

“I don’t know how it works but Justice would never hurt me. He’s my friend.”

Cato flinched. “Well, you were still out for almost a day after your friend took over.”

A day? Justice must have been pretty angry to knock him out that badly. That explained the feeling of being hit by a qunari pretty good. 

“You look pretty pale, still. Maybe you should get some rest,” Cato suggested. 

Anders closed his eyes again and nodded tiredly. Sleep would be welcome. He could think about Justice and everything that had happened later.

*** 

When Anders entered the carriage the next morning, he was still feeling a little unsteady on his legs. He would prefer lying in his bed for another day or two as he really didn’t like the idea of sitting on a chair for the next few hours. Unfortunately, there was an important meeting Danarius needed to attend to and as his apprentice, Anders’s presence was expected as well.. While all he wanted to do was to lie down again, to rest.. never before had Justice’s manifestation had a similar effect on him. Usually, he’d feel kind of woozy for a while but that was all.

“How are you feeling today, Anders?” 

Anders looked up at Danarius tiredly. He wasn’t sure if Danarius was truly concerned for his health or if he was only interested in the lingering effects his experiment had taken on him. 

“Still a little tired. I’m glad your experiment worked,” Anders answered a little unsure. 

“Yes, thank you for your help. There were.. little inaccuracies we have to smooth out, though.”

“Inaccuracies?” Anders blinked confused. If Justice had been able to walk out of the circle, Danarius wouldn’t be alive, he was sure of it. There’d be a swath of destruction through Tevinter.

“Yes, I can see that the process has taken its toll on you, but I hope you’re still willing to help me with the experiment. Also talking to Justice was.. interesting. I’m afraid he’ll need some time to adjust to your new situation. I told him he’d be able to help mages all over Thedas more efficiently. I lacked the time to explain everything to him. Your body shut down pretty quickly.”

 

Confused, Anders frowned out of the window of the carriage. “My body had never shut down because of Justice,” he mumbled. Justice would never hurt him like this. Perhaps Danarius had done something to him.. and hadn’t Cato said he’d passed out _after_ they put the collar back on?

“Maybe it has something to do with locking Justice up inside you for such a long time. Although he can’t access our realm anymore as long as you’re wearing the collar, he’s still there. And with him, all of his _power_. Maybe by keeping it inside without any outlet, said power has build up to a level your body is unable to take. It’s an interesting thought, isn’t it?”

“Yes, interesting.” Anders had to bite back a more sarcastic answer. Being burned out by the energy of a spirit wasn’t exactly what he’d call ‘interesting’ - especially while they were talking about his body. It made sense, though. A fact that scared Anders to his core. He was still wearing the collar! What would happen when he’d finally take it off?

***

“Thank you, Fenris.” With a slight bow, the elf stepped back from Anders’s glass and went over to pour Danarius more wine. Anders looked at him for a moment, thoughtfully. Fenris was recovering. He didn’t look as pale and thin anymore as he had only a few weeks ago. Anders was recovering as well, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened during Danarius’s experiment. The magister planned on repeating it as soon as possible if he only agreed on it - which Anders did. He still needed to earn Danarius’s trust, but he also wanted to get some of Justice’s energy out of his system. The thought of all that power burning inside of him made him nauseous. He’d never thought about it before. Sure, he’d noticed that his body lost some of its strength every time Justice took over, but he always assumed it had to do with the brutal pace Justice drove him forward to achieve their goal. Maybe that hadn’t been the case after all. Maybe his mortal body just wasn’t made to contain that much fade energy… even though he was a mage. Justice was powerful and his anger pushed and pushed him against Anders’s skin. Perhaps it would be different with a gentler spirit.. Although Anders knew that he’d changed Justice, he hadn’t alway been that angry. But he also knew the spirit had changed him as well.

Due to his recovering, Anders wasn’t expected to do research for the experiment any longer. Therefor, he didn’t see Cato as often as he used to which made him feel a little lonely. Of course he saw Fenris quite often, every time he dined with Danarius or accompanied him to meetings - the elf was every present shadow. But Anders wasn’t allowed to talk to him or even acknowledge him as a person. The only words he’d said to the elf lately were quiet ‘thank you’s, when Fenris poured him something to drink or opened a door for him. Anders was the only one doing it, the other mages took everything the slaves did for granted and Fenris didn’t seem to expect them to thank him either.  
At least that part of their plan seemed to work. Fenris played along, did anything his master asked of him and fit in perfectly with the other slaves.. it was disturbing to watch and Anders was glad to know it was only an act, that the elf hadn’t truly surrendered to his fate. 

“Are you feeling alright, Anders? You still look a little bit pale. Are you sure you’re well enough to attend me to the party tomorrow?” Danarius looked at him with concern in his eyes. His friends used to look at him like this. Especially Hawke. 

“I’m alright, just a little tired.”

 

Tomorrow, they’d visit Erimond and Anders wasn’t really looking forward to that. But he didn’t want to leave Fenris alone with _that_ man. Visions of what the other mage had done to the elf still haunted his sleep.. no, he’d stay at Fenris’s side. And no matter what, he’d intervene if the bastard dared to touch him. The morning after the party, Anders was supposed to step into the circle of runes again to let the magister take off his collar. Of course, Danarius would rather he stayed at the mansion instead of going to the party.

“Are you sure? You seem a little.. uptight. Maybe you should do something to relax. I can send one of the slaves up to your chambers.” Danarius looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “From the rumors I’ve a good taste. I do have some pretty slaves, I’m sure one of them will appeal to you.” 

“Rumors?” Anders asked confused. Fenris moved to refill his master’s glass with more wine.

“People are saying you prefer the company of young gentlemen during our parties. I’m not blind, either, Anders. I met one of your.. friends.. when I came to your room the morning after you stayed up to heal my Fenris.” With the mention of his name, Danarius hands slightly stroked the forearm of his slave who stood right next to him, a bottle of wine still in his hands. Anders wanted to slap his hand as a wave of sudden jealousy surged through him. 

“Maybe these rumors are true,” he said instead with a forced smile. “But I’m picky.”

“I see,” Danarius chuckled. “So am I.” Again, he stroked Fenris’s arm. Anders followed the action with his eyes.

“Anyway. As long as you’re discreet, I won’t lecture you what to do. It would be easier if you’d take any interest in a slave. You can pick one of your liking. For now, though, you should get some sleep and as for tomorrow, I don’t want you to do any work. Just relax a bit, take a bath, treat yourself. I really appreciate your dedication for the experiment, Anders. I’m glad you haven’t proved my decision to take you as my apprentice to be the right one after all.” 

Anders immediately felt warm after hearing the praise. Weeks ago, he would have done almost anything to please Danarius, to earn this praise.. he was doing a good job, he was well aware of that. But by now, he was sick of Tevinter. He was sick of the magisterium, the lies.. the slavery. His eyes traveled back to Fenris as he realized once more that that wasn’t why he was still here, though. He was here to save Fenris. He’d been furious at first when Danarius had captured and dragged him to Tevinter. He’d been happy when he’d learned about the magisters planned to help him with the plight of the mages all over Thedas. And even though he now only wanted to get out of there, he was still glad Danarius had taken him with him when he left Kirkwall. At least Fenris wasn’t alone now..

***

_Dear Hawke or Varric,_  
thank you for your letter. Unfortunately I can’t invite you to one of or parties in the near future. Although Tevinter is great, I really miss you guys and -

Anders leaned back on his chair with a heavy sigh. He was tired and he really had no idea how to do this. Even though he was on a good way to earn the magister’s trust, Danarius was probably still reading his letters. How was he supposed to forge out a plan with Hawke like that? Inviting her to Tevinter would have been an easy call, but of course Danarius didn’t trust her. Anders couldn’t even blame him for that. But he had to do something.. and fast. 

How long until Fenris snapped? How long until Justice snapped? How long until that penned up energy killed him? 

Time was running out. Even though there was a noticeable change in Danarius’s behavior, Anders wasn’t quite sure he already trusted him or Fenris. Fenris had hurt his pride deeply after all.. 

No, he couldn’t leave it all to Hawke and Varric. _They_ didn’t know what was going on in the mansion, the risk was too high. Anders would have to save Fenris - and himself. Maybe there was a way to meet up with the others as soon as they left Tevinter? Or right after they left Minrathous. If Isabela could get her hands on a boat, she could get them far away. Could they even go back to Kirkwall? Danarius would search for them there first thing.. _If_ they couldn’t kill him before they fled. Anders would very much prefer if the magister wasn’t alive when they left Tevinter, the last time they’d been confronted by the magister didn’t exactly go well for them. If only Danarius would take off his collar.. Once Justice would have calmed down, he would be a great ally. As for now, Anders knew that killing Danarius was their best option. One day, Fenris wouldn’t have to take the collar anymore, one day he’d be able to phase again. There was no way to tell though when that day would come. Killing Danarius was their best option, but not the only one. 

_Dear Hawke or Varric, thank you for your letter. ~~Unfortunately I can’t invite you to one of or parties in the near future. Although~~ Tevinter is great, ~~I really miss you guys and~~ , it’s a harbour town, just like Kirkwall. Though unlike there, I only need a carriage and a few minutes to reach port. There’s usually a lot going on there and sometimes it’s hard not to get lost, but I like it._

Anders sight again set the letter aside. It felt like he was writing “rescue me!” in huge red letter right over the letter. What if Danarius got suspicious? Though how else was he supposed to let Hawke know? Fleeing by boat made sense. They’d be so much faster..  
Anders stood up from his chair. There was no way he’d finish any writing today so instead, he decided to take a little stroll through the gardens to clear up his head. The weather was nice and maybe it would do him some good after all. 

The mansion was quiet when he left the room. Anders wondered what all those slaves were usually doing when they weren’t preparing one of Danarius’s huge parties. He saw a few of them cleaning the floors, silently moving in the shadows, barely noticeable. Just like all the slaves at the mansion.

Anders tried not to think about them too much. He was trying to get on with a plan to save Fenris, the other slaves though.. They’d be left behind in Tevinter. 

Anders shook his head at his own thoughts. It looked like Justice had really gotten to him over all those years. His heart ached for the other slaves. They were reminding him of his own life at the Circle. There was no way to free them.. Anders hadn’t even succeeded in freeing all the mages in the rest of Thedas. And they’d been opressed in a world he knew, a world he was familiar with. Tevinter? A total different matter. 

With a sigh, Anders passed two slaves who’d opened a door for him. Anders tried not to look at them. He was meant to stay focused on the elf he might had a chance of rescuing. 

As soon he entered the garden and left the slaves behind, he found it easier to relaxed. The sight alone was what made his mind go to a happier place. This was what made Tevinter so different from what it had been like living in the Cirlce for him. Anders had studied there most of the time as well, but he was barely allowed to step outside. Here, he could walk freely in the huge gardens.. and he really took his time doing it. The warmer climate of Tevinter did wonders to nature. Never before had he seen so many different colorful flowers. Ferelden had been mostly grey and brown and even though Kirkwall had a wider range of color, it paled in comparison to that.  
Anders marveled at the beauty of the various flowers for what felt like hours, not one sad or heavy thought crossing his mind.. as suddenly, a voice interrupted the serene silence.

“Very good, you’re slowly getting back to your old self.”

 

Danarius. 

Silently, Anders rounded a hedge to get a better look at what was going on and who the magister was talking to. He was glad when he found Danarius with his back to him, seated on one of the small benches that could be found everywhere in the garden. Right before him, Fenris was practicing with a huge sword. For a moment, Anders almost forgot to breathe.. the elf wasn’t wearing his usual tunic and Anders could see that regular meals and obviously some training had clearly done wonders to his body. Fenris looked healthy, alive. More like his old self and yet somewhat different. Anyway, he was stunning. The way Fenris moved was different from what the mage had seen during fights in Kirkwall. There, he’d been practical, meant to kill but here.. it seemed like he was putting on a show for Danarius while the old man ogled him with something in his eyes that made Anders sick to the stomach.

“Come,” Danarius ordered his slave. Fenris – of course – followed suit immediately. Right before his master, he got down on one knee, head bowed, to receive a pat on his hair.

“Good boy,” Danarius praised him. “I’m glad to have you back. Are you happy to be home?”

“Yes, master.” It sounded so sincerer Anders felt nauseous for a moment. He hadn't realized he’d been moving until Danarius’s eyes met him.

“Anders, good to see you outside in the sun.”  
Fenris didn’t move one bit, still kneeling at his master’s feet. Anders tired not to look at him, but failed miserably.

“It’s good to see my Fenris fit enough to train again, right?” Danarius smirked at him. Anders only managed a small nod. He needed to stir the topic away from the elf before he made a fool out of himself. Already he could feel heat rising up his cheeks. Fenris was strong, beautiful.. and he was sweating from wielding this huge sword. For some reason, Anders had to fight the urge to touch him. 

“He’s on a good way. Can we talk about the experiment once more before we start tomorrow?”

Danarius looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Do you have any more questions? Otherwise, the procedure is going to be the same as it was the last time. Hopefully, with a better outcome.”  
“About that.. How do you plan convincing Justice about all this?” 

“Well, I’m going to inform him of our plan to free the mages. I hope your friend isn’t as angry as he was the last time. I will send Fenris outside to be on the safe side. Seeing him wasn’t exactly calming him down.”

“So I’ve heard.”

Danarius smirked at that. “I guess back in Kirkwall my Fenris enjoyed playing with his power. Didn’t you, Fenris?” Again, the magister patted the elf’s head. It was surreal. Fenris could kill that man easily and yet he sat at his feet like a docile dog. Just how Danarius wanted it.  
“But before we concern ourselves with the experiment, we enjoy ourselves tonight, right? Are you looking forward to the party? Anyone you’re hoping to meet.. again?”

“What?” Anders looked at Danarius with a frown. The old man only chuckled at his reaction. 

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean. So far, you refuse to use slaves for your pleasure. That’s alright, but you have to be a little more discreet, Anders. I know it’s different where you came from, but in Tevinter you’re supposed to marry a woman someday. You’re supposed to have children who carry on your legacy as a magister.”  
“You don’t have children,” Anders blurted out. The moment he saw the magister’s face drop he knew it had been a mistake. 

Danarius let out a deep breath before looking at his apprentice. “I had. They died.”

Great. Upsetting him was exactly what would get the other man to trust Anders.  
“I’m.. sorry,” he said. And he really was. No one should see their children die. 

“It’s not your fault. Sometimes, things like this happen. Some other magister plotted against me. He wanted to kill me while I was on a vacation. Our carriage was attacked on the way and forced down a cliff. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t in that carriage. Due to work, I send my family beforehand. I was to follow a few days later.”  
_Sometimes, things like this happen._ At least in Tevinter, Anders thought. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried.”  
“It’s alright. It happened a long time ago. I just haven’t talked about it in a long time.” The faraway look left Danarius’s face and he looked at Anders with a tiny smile. “You’re my apprentice. You have a right to know about me. _I_ already know a lot about you and your life. “

Anders forced a smile on his face. Danarius knew things about him, that he had known for a while. He felt like something had happened today, though, like he really had achieved something with his bluntness and noisiness. Danarius had _trusted_ him.. Maybe some day soon, he’d trust him enough to let Fenris go to the market with him or there’d be another opportunity to just.. rum away.. Anders wasn’t picky. He was finally making progress.  
Than why didn’t he feel so sad?  
“My Fenris is the closest to a family I’ve left. Hadriana - my old apprentice - was always jealous because of that. She was a powerful mage, a brilliant mind. But we never had that connection and she knew it. Fenris on the other hand.. I’ve had him since he was a little boy. I saw him grow up and I turned him into everything he is today. Into everything I wanted him to be. Now, he’s my loyal pet once again. I made sure he isn’t defenseless, no one would dare to assassinate him. Right, Fenris?”

“Yes, master.”

Still sincere. Though Fenris had always been a good actor, had always been able to hide his feelings behind as mask of calm. This was no different.

“Well, I’m glad you’re reunited,” Anders remarked with a smile he hoped looked real.

Danarius smiled in return and let his hands run through Fenris’s hair. “When I had to leave him in Seheron, it broke my heart. It was like losing my family once again. I should have never let you stay.” The last words were spoken in almost a whisper and Anders wasn’t sure he’d even been meant to hear them. Right there at this moment, Danarius and the elf were like a display of some strange kind of intimacy and Anders felt shaky only looking at them.  
“I.. will go back to my room and rest for a while,” he excused himself hurriedly.  
“Do that. I’ll see you in a few hours.”  
Anders turned around and walked back the way he’d come. He couldn’t bear being with them any longer. It was wrong.. Danarius shouldn’t have those feelings for Fenris, he was his slave, Danarius didn’t care for his slaves more than the expensive furniture he owned. And Fenris shouldn’t look like he was ok with it, even though it was just an act. In fact, Fenris shouldn’t be anywhere near Danarius and the magister shouldn’t touch him like this, like a lover. He shouldn’t touch him at all. No one should touch him.

And at the same time, Anders longed to hold Fenris closely.

***

Anders felt tired and worn out this evening and no amount of sleep he’d tried to get before Erimond’s party had helped with that. He was trying not to fall asleep in his comfy chair. It would be considered rude and Danarius would be angry. Also Anders didn’t want to give the other magisters an excuse to laugh at him. Fortunately, Erimond was the center of attention and no one was really looking at him. He’d been in Tevinter for a while now and though everyone knew who he was, he wasn’t important enough yet to be truly be noticed during festivities like this. As long as he didn’t to anything stupid like falling asleep in the middle of a party.  
Danarius on the other hand, couldn’t go a minute without someone engaging him in conversation. Sleepily, Anders watched his mentor, but most of the time, his eyes tracked Fenris, who was standing right next to the other man.

The elf was the closest to a family Danarius had left. It was a strange thought, one that made Anders feel more than a little uneasy about. Fenris wasn’t a family member. He had no right to voice his mind, he had no say in what happened to him. Yet the fact that Danarius claimed the elf was something like family made Anders almost pity the man. He must be very lonely.. Anders sometimes wondered if anyone in Tevinter _wasn’t_ lonely. Sure, they builded families and friends, but with the constant backstabbing and political scheming, could they really be trusted? Before Fenris ran, Danarius must have trusted Fenris.. how much his escape must hurt the man. 

Erimond was too busy for really taking any interest in Fenrs’s presence. A fact Anders was most happy or. He’d been a little bit scared that Danarius would borrow Fenris to his friend again.. even though the other mage had hurt his possession so badly. But maybe things were different now that the elf was back at his master’s side, back to the “family”.  
Anders noticed that there were two men and a woman trying to get his attention, but he ignored their attempts with a roll of his eyes. Apparently, Danarius was right. He already had a reputation here.. how did that happen? The ones he slept with were kind of insistent on keeping it a secret. It was nothing new though that he wasn’t supposed to trust anyone in the Imperium - at least when it came to the upper class and the magisterium. They had lives so disconnected from the rest of the people in this country Anders wondered how they were supposed to lead them at all. But like most people in a position of power, they probably just didn’t care about their citizens. 

Speaking of people in power, Anders’s eyes found his mentor talking to two other magisters. Anders had seen them before. One was the woman who’d tried to save his face after he saved the slave - or at least tried to - the other one was a man Danarius often talked with in his office alone. Anders didn’t know him very well. He knew he was scared of the qunari, but who wasn’t at his point? He straightened himself when he found Danarius looking back at him. When he was waved over, he couldn’t suppress a long suffering sigh.. Anders had wanted to go to this party to have an eye on Fenris because he didn’t trust Erimond. Now that the elf seemed safe, he just wanted to be home in his comfy bed. Or on the floor. He didn’t care as long as he could sleep and he didn’t have to stand beside Danarius, smiling and pretending to care about their conversations. For all he cared, Tevinter could go to the void as soon as Fenris and he were out of here. But right now, he plastered a smile on his face and stood up to join the other mages.

***

The hallway was quiet, a sharp contrast to the loud party going on on the upper level. The woman had shortly left after Anders had joined in on their talk. Something was clearly amiss. Otherwise, Danarius wouldn’t had himself be led away from the party to talk in private. Anders yawned quietly. Danarius was still talking to the other magister, and even though his face or tone didn’t show it, Anders could feel his annoyance. He’d gotten to know the man over the past few months.  
“We _need_ a more experienced magister over there. You can’t trust Livius to do it right. He’s too young, too inexperienced. The qunari are gaining ground. How long until they reach Minrathous?”  
Apart from the usual shallow party talk, the qunari had been the most discussed topic of the evening. After the attack Erimond had suffered, the magisters were even more scared.  
“There are plenty more experienced old magisters in the magisterium who haven’t recently taken on an apprentice.”  
“Your apprentice is _not_ unexperienced either. Everyone knows your Anders is a well-trained Circle mage and not just some uneducated apostate from Ferelden. You’re risking to anger the magisterium. Your unwillingness to help can lead to believe you don’t care about our country.”

“And who’d see it like this? You? I’d served this country more than any other magister and I’ve paid a high price.”  
Danarius had stopped masking his annoyance. Anders looked sideways at him.. and suddenly, everything happened very fast.  
There was a shadow bolting at him and Anders reacted on pure instinct. Defend, kill. For a moment he felt dizzy from the sudden surge of power running through his body as he casted a powerful fire spell. The shrieks of his sudden attacker rang overly loud in the hallway.. A sound Anders had been familiar with in Kirkwall, but that felt like a long time ago. It only took a few seconds before there was silence once more.. paralyzed, Anders stared at the elven man on the floor, flames still licking at the dead body. He noticed a strange blue light mixing with the orange heat of the flames. In confusion, the healer looked up, trying to find the source of the light.  
Only then he noticed how familiar the light was.  
There had been two of them. Two elven men, assassins apparently, who’d attacked them in the hallway, in the middle of a party. And while one of them lay on the floor like a burned tree, the other was already splayed out next Danarius’s feet, a bloodied hole in his chest.  
Right in front of the body stood the man who had just saved Anders’s mentor from being assassinated, still glowing in an eerie blue and clearly not wearing any collar.  


Fenris.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for all your beautiful comments on the previous chapter!  
> I'm really sorry this took me so long but.. I'm terrible at writing right now. I'll try to be better. Somehow this part of the story is really hard for me and I'm never really satisfied with the outcome.

It was incredibly loud in the main room of Erimond’s party. Whereas Fenris seemed completely impassive to what had happened, Anders still felt a little shaken. He also had to put real effort into not staring at the elf while at the same time, he noticed that the remaining crowd was staring at _him_. The attack Erimond had suffered seemed to be forgotten and instead, everyone was talking about the assassins. Saving not only one, but two of the most influential magisters in Tevinter, Anders had been declared some kind of hero - Fenris on the other hand was only mentioned in passing remarks even though he’d done half of the work. Anders tiredness had been replaced by an over alertness due to a rush of adrenaline that just wouldn’t abade.  
Danarius, however, was very calm during all of this. He was talking to the guards and generally acted like nearly being assassinated was everyday business, like unloved paperwork he needed to get over with. Only when people congratulated him on his apprentice, he smiled. Every time Anders saw that smile, his eyes would stray next to the magister and linger on Fenris, wondering.. No collar. It was a huge step for them. Apparently, Danarius now trusted the elf, at least enough to not see him as a threat anymore. 

Why hadn’t Fenris tried to inform Anders of this development? Or had he? They weren’t exactly supposed to have a nice chat during dinner, but Anders had expected the elf to do.. anything. A low cough, a tiny gesture towards his throat - anything. Maybe he had tried. Maybe Anders had been too tired or too caught up in his conversation with Danarius to notice. It didn’t matter. Now Anders knew. 

Finally, they had a chance. Fenris would be able to kill his master - something Anders knew he’d wished to do since he’d known the other man. 

Today, though, Fenris had saved Danarius’s life. Today, his master could have died. They could have been.. what? Free? 

Maybe. Maybe Anders and Fenris would have returned to the mansion alone after the tragic death of the magister. Maybe this would have been their opportunity to run. Instead..  
Anders had acted out on instinct, had defended himself as he had so many times before during his times with the warden and his friends in Kirkwall. 

Tevinter felt like living an entirely different life. 

“How was it like?” Another apprentice had asked him only minutes ago. 

“What?” Anders had asked in confusion. 

“ _Killing_ someone.”

He had only stared at her, not sure how to respond to that and her strange giddiness. It had only than occurred to Anders that these people weren’t battle mages but merely politicians. Apart from the few older magisters like Danarius who’d served in war (but clearly not at the front), killing was something that usually happened far away from them. It was a glorified act of power, but it had nothing to do with the messy and often rueful reality.  
It happened when they signed documents, assignments, but they were never really a part of it.. the dirty work was for someone else to do. Soldiers, bodyguards.. slaves. But these people weren’t real people to them, they were just a means to an end. That’s why no one was even looking at Fenris even though here was still blood on his clothes. Killing was a sport here, one played like chess. Unbloody and clean on a strategic board - a game. People fell like pawn in a game somewhere far away from them, leaving the board forever. 

Once again he noticed how different this world was - and for once he wasn’t solely thinking about Tevinter, put nobles everywhere in Thedas.

Again Anders was glancing at Fenris when Danarius suddenly announced their departure. The disappointment was palpable as crowd was desperate to learn more details to bring up during gossip. Already Anders had heard whispered stories about how he’d killed a whole bunch of assassins and rumors about who’d send them. They didn’t care for the truth. 

Anders had had enough of it and gladly followed the magister outside, Fenris in tow. He was surprised, though, when the elf was allowed to enter the carriage with them. Usually, the elf would sit with the coach man, where he had a better view on what was going on around them. This time though, he took a seat next to the magister.. After the attempted assassination Anders found that a little odd. But maybe it was the safest of all times for that. Whoever had attacked them, they’d need time to come up with another plan. 

“It’s been a long time since an apprentice had been praised on a party for their bravery and talent,” Danarius remarked with a chuckle. 

“I..-, “Anders stammered at the loss of the right words. “I only acted on instinct.”

“And your instinct was to save two magisters. Whoever had planned this attack is probably livid right now. Stopped by an apprentice.” Again, Danarius chuckled while he was shaking his head in disbelief. His left hand came to lie on Fenris’s knee, the elf silent as ever. Anders silently reprimanded himself not to stare. 

“I didn’t do it all by myself,” he reminded the older man. “I only killed one of them.”

 

“Well, that’s not how the magisterium will remember it. After tonight, people will think twice before they mess with you.” 

Danarius turned his head to look at his slave. “But you are right, of course. My dear Fenris has once again shown where his loyalty lies. I think you deserve a reward. Both of you.”

For the tiniest moment, Fenris’s eyes flicked with emotion. Hope, maybe? It was gone to quickly for Anders to decipher. 

“A reward?” Anders asked. “I.. thank you.”

“You can ask for anything you want.”

Anders thought about this for a moment. Again, this was an opportunity. One he had to use wisely. What should he ask for? An invitation for Hawke and his friends? That would probably go too far and only anger the magister. A lazy stroll with Fenris at the docks? Too suspicious. He blamed his tired mind for not coming up with better ideas. 

“You don’t have to decide right away,” Danarius replied to Anders’s silent pondering. Again, he turned to Fenris. “What about you, my pet?”

“You already know what I really wish for, master.” 

A quizzically answer. One that seemed to irritate Danarius for the split of a second. And one that had Anders wondering. 

“Very well, I will think on it. That’s all I can promise you at the moment. What did Fenris wish for that triggered that reaction from his master? Freedom? No, Fenris wasn’t stupid. 

“Thank you, master,” the elf answered with a humble nod of his head. Danarius smiled in return and petted his head like one would pet the head of a beloved pet. That was what Fenris was to the magister after all, Anders reminded himself.

Silence settled over them after that and once again Anders noticed how tired and drained he actually felt. Under other circumstances, he might have fallen asleep right in the carriage, but being here with Fenris kept him awake. He couldn’t stop stealing glances at the elf who would never even once glance back at him. His whole attention was on Danarius who appeared to be deep in thought. Anders wondered what he was thinking about. It was rare that the magister didn’t speak when they were in the same room.. When he wasn’t talking about politics and Tevinter, he always tried to illuminate Anders about his research and curious findings. Anders remembered Hawke telling him about her father and how he always tried to teach her about the world, even when they were just talking a walk along the fields. It felt strange that Danarius kind of did the same for him. Like a father.. Anders’s own father hadn’t exactly cared about him. He’d been another mouth to feed.. to be fair, his father hadn’t felt any different about his siblings, either. Anders had always been so desperate for his attention.. In the Circle, he had tried to impress his teacher just as he’d tried to impress his father. And just like then, he’d failed. Pranks and snarky comments had proven to be more effective to gain people’s attention. 

 

With Danarius it was differen. The older man praised him for his accomplishments, listened to his findings.. He was the father figure Anders always wished for. Although he felt a little silly for still longing for a father as a grown man. 

Still, he couldn’t stop this strange feeling from bubbling up in his chest. He disliked Tevinter, the politics, the slaves.. He despised Danarius for what he did to Fenris. But the Danarius _he_ knew, the Danarius _he’d_ talk to while they were having dinner.. he was a different man. 

To save Fenris, Anders would have to kill both, the tutor he looked up to and the slave owner he despised, eventually.

***

The next few days rushed by in a blur. Anders underwent the experiment once more the day after Erimond’s party and spent the following day in bed mostly resting. Again he had no recollection of what had happened. As soon as his collar had been taken off, he’d blacked out. Danarius said they were making process but would possibly repeat the experiment a few more times. Anders agreed on that. He didn’t have much choice anyway.

The news of what had happened at the party had traveled fast and only three days after Anders had killed the assassin, he received the first letters of admirers. He blushed while he read them, which only made Danarius laugh in delight. The magister was obviously proud of him.. and it made Anders feel strangely giddy. 

Rumors of who’d might plan to kill the two magisters got louder and louder with each passing day. Anders heard they’d be an investigation, but even Danarius doubted there’d be any chance to find whoever had sent the assassins after him. Too many people would benefit from the death of a magister. It was strange that Danarius didn’t appear to feel threatened at all. Someone had tried to kill him and wouldn’t it be for Fenris and Anders, they might had succeeded. But maybe that was the point. Fenris was back at Danarius’s side, his loyal bodyguard. Anders knew the warrior, had seen him fight.. he was a force of nature. He assumed it was hard to feel threatened by anything if someone like Fenris was there to protect you. That’s why Hawke liked dragging the elf along on her missions and even though Anders had despised the other man back then, he’d had to admit that he, too, felt safer with Fenris. 

The elf had fully recovered from being Danarius’s prisoner. The magister had him train in the gardens daily (and maybe - just maybe - his training was a reason why Anders liked walking through the gardens daily as well). Perhaps it was a sign that Danarius did feel a little bit threatened after all. Anders didn’t like the way the magister was looking at his bodyguard. 

Anders saw no reason to deny that his own looks had become kind of longing. He had found a friend in Cato, but he still often felt lonely during the days - and nights. Sometimes when he lay alone in his bed at night, he imagined talking to Fenris. It often made him giggle into the darkness because in his head, the elf would scowl at him or say something snarky. It had been strange to admit it at first but he missed talking to Fenris. Their nights in the cell had been anything but pleasant, but there, Anders had come to enjoy the elf’s company, had enjoyed talking to him.. The elf was honest if nothing else, something that was only rarely seen in Tevinter. Seeing Fenris felt a little bit like _home_. 

Cato was a nice person, a friend, but Anders felt a different kind of connection with Fenris. It was hard to put this connection into words and Anders hadn’t had the need to do so, yet.  
The mage longed for the elf’s presence and he was afraid that sometimes, it would show in his eyes when he couldn’t take them off the other man. How would Danarius react? What would he think? He was very possessive of his _pet_ and even a blind man could see how dear he was to him. Anders tried to avoid thinking about how deep the magisters affection ran and what Fenris had to do for him.. 

_Monster_. 

He had to be very careful if he wanted to get the elf out of Danarius’s reach. 

Anders still had to come up with a plan. How that Fenris’s collar was off, they were one step closer to freedom. He should probably write to Varric and ask about Isabela, how he was doing or anything like that. With any luck, the dwarf would get the hint and be able to help with a ship at the right time.. somehow. How they’d set this time was still something the mage had to figure out. They’d need a distraction. A huge party perhaps. Late at night, it would take some time before someone missed Danarius - or his entourage. Also, less magisters roaming the streets would help them going unnoticed. It wasn’t much of a plan, it wasn’t perfect but it was.. something? 

Anders had found that wandering around the gardens helped him calm his nerves and thus made it easier to think about his plan. This day, however it was raining. Usually, Anders wouldn’t mind, as rain was a welcomed change to the otherwise sunny weather Tevinter had to offer. But it kept him from going outside. It hadn’t taken him long to realise that walking around the mansion didn’t have the same calming effect than walking in the gardens. Quite the opposite, in fact. Everywhere he went, there were slaves. They _tried_ to be invisible and to anyone willing to overlook their presence they were. To Anders, though.. They were a constant reminder of his helplessness. He was trying to get Fenris out of here, sure. But what about _them_? Men, women, children.. worked to their deaths, slaughtered for entertainment. 

It was too much. Suffocating to think about. 

So with a sigh, Anders decided to let it rest for today and take his mind elsewhere. Maybe he could talk to Danarius about the experiment. The sooner he dealt with the whole fadeenergy thing the better.. Another problem keeping him awake at night.  
Fenris would probably be with Danarius as well. Seeing the elf, even stolen glances at him might actually cheer him up a bit. 

Anders tried to focus on Fenris and not to think about the other slaves he passed by as he walked down the corridor to his mentor’s office. Right before he raised his hand to knock at the door, he heard voices from within. Anders stopped short. He hadn’t been aware of any appointments or visitors today. He contemplated going back to his chambers as he suddenly heard his name. Who was in there with Danarius and why were they talking about him? Or had he just been mentioned? Curiosity got the better of him.. Carefully, he leaned closer to the door to listen. 

“It is my decision.” He heard Danarius’s muffled voice. The magister was calm. Anders could easily imagine him seated in front of his desk, fixing his visitor with his grey eyes. 

“Don’t make the same mistake again, Danarius. You’re too soft, you can _not_ let your emotions interfere with our plan.” It was a women’s voice. It sounded familiar to Anders, but through the wooden door it was hard to really recognise it.

“Anders has proven himself worthy of that position.” So they _were_ talking about him. 

There was an exasperated snort on the other side. “Remember when I warned you about your last little experiment? I told you if you’d treat him too soft, he’d turn on you one day. You didn’t listen to me then and you won’t listen now. You’re becoming too attached to your own experiments. Just because he’s a mage doesn’t change a thing. He’s not one of us.”

“What if he was?” Never before had Anders heard that tone in Danarius’s voice. The words sounded.. wounded. Defiant.

There was silence on the other side of the door. The beating of Anders’s heart seemed too loud in the stillness of the hallway. There was no doubt he’d get punished if Danarius caught him eavesdropping on his private conversations. 

“I know he reminds you of him.”

“He could easily be him.”

Silence again. 

“But he isn’t.” The woman’s words were much softer now. Anders had to strain to hear her at all. 

“The Andersfels aren’t too far away from..”

“I know. Still.. he has been born there.”

“He’s of the same age, they.. I imagine he’d look just like him.” 

Again, it took a while before the woman could be heard again. “I know you’re still grieving, even after all these years. But.. don’t make the same mistakes you made with Fenris.”

“Fenris is a totally different matter,” Danarius snapped. 

“I know you feel different for Fenris, but my argument is still valid. Don’t grow too soft on him. You know we have plans for him and his.. passenger.”

Anders felt cold at the mention of Justice. He felt ready to run, yet frozen in place. What were they planning for him? For Justice?  
There it was again. Betrayal. Anders had started to trust Danarius. Kind of.. at least, when it came to him. The man could be cruel to his slaves, but Anders had thought that he _cared_ for him. So much for the father figure Anders had always wished for.. 

“It won’t work. The spirit is too strong.” Danarius voice pulled him out of his own thoughts. 

 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, he’s.. burning him up.”

“Then it’s a too dangerous process for you to go through. You’re too valuable to the magisterium.”

“I still want to go through with the experiment. I already have something in mind, don’t worry. Anders will be fine. He needs to be when I want to declare him my heir.” 

“What?” 

_What?!_ Anders’s was glad he’d only screamed that in his head. Danarius wanted him to be his heir? That didn’t make sense. Anders couldn’t fight the strange feeling in his stomach, though. 

_So he_ does _care._

“He’s passionate. And powerful. I think he’d do well in the magisterium. I need someone to take on my line after I’m gone. After what happened at Erimond’s I realized it once more.”

“What about the spirit?”

“Don’t worry, it’ll all work out. He’ll be on our side.”

“What about Fenris?” 

Danarius chuckled. “What a change of topic. I haven’t decided, yet. Remember, we’re both old. Maybe I’ll even outlive you. Anders seemed to be interested in him to.. some extent. As my rightful heir Anders would technically gain ownership over him once I’m gone.” 

Anders heart leaped in his chest.

“Fine,” the woman snapped. “You won’t listen to me anyway. You’ve always been a thickheaded bastard.”

At that, Danarius outright laughed. “You haven’t called me that in a long time. I almost missed it.”

“Well, you haven’t been _that_ thickheaded for a long time. I’m glad you have your little slave back but you’ve been more agreeable without him. He has a bad influence on you.”

“Oh, you give the boy too much credit,” Danarius chuckled once again. “I was only more occupied with getting him back. Being more agreeable was an effective way to make you shut up.”

Anders could hear the smile in the magister’s voice. It was strange. This could have easily been a conversation between his friends in Kirkwall. Never before had he heard his mentor talking like this.. or anyone else in the Imperium really. Again, it made Danarius seem less like a monster.

_You know what he did to Fenris. He’s evil and cruel._

_..did he really know what was going on in the cellar? Apparently he never gave Erimond the permission to hurt Fenris that bad._

Footsteps startled Anders out of his musings. Danarius and his visitor were approaching the door.. and fast. In panic, Anders turned around and fled down the corridor. He opened a random door and went inside, startling some elven slaves who were apparently sewing. 

“Hi, just.. wanted to see what’s in here,” Anders said with a smile. Apparently frightened, the slaves bowed in front of him. The mage tried not to let their reaction get to him too much. He only waited a few more minutes before he left them to their work once more.

***

Anders sat on his bed, lost in thoughts. Danarius hadn’t acted any differently during dinner, nor had he mentioned the conversation he’d had with his visitor earlier.

Anders felt conflicted. _If_ the magister went through with it, Anders would be his heir, supposed to carry on his legacy. He’d have a name, a position.. a new _cause_. Or an old one. Freeing mages all over Thedas, showing the world know they weren’t the monster the Chantry would let them believe was still something he wished to achieve more than anything.. Or more than most things, these days. As a magister, maybe they’d finally listen to him. As Danarius’s heir, he’d have a seat in the magisterium, money, a mansion.. 

Slaves. 

Anders shuddered at the thought. 

_“As my rightful heir Anders would technically gain ownership over him once I’m gone.”_

Fenris.

But.. as a magister.. wouldn’t he be influential enough to help the slaves as well..? 

Would he be able to look Fenris in the eye? Even though the elf had stopped looking at him directly a while ago. 

Anders jumped as someone knocked at his door. Who’d visit him after dinner? Usually, he went back to his room where he retired after a little while. A disturbance at this hour surely meant something important. Anders could only hope that nothing bad had happened. It was with a sense of trepidation that he opened the door. Only to be met with the sight of the same elf that had been so prominent in his thoughts before. 

“Fenris!” he murmured confused. 

“May I enter?” 

Anders blinked a few times, aware that he had been staring. Fenris. In front of his door. It felt like an eternity he’d seen the elf alone, without Danarius. 

“Of course. Come in. “ Anders made room for the other man to enter. With a short glance he checked the hallway behind him. Still no sign of the magister. Had something happened? Anders looked at Fenris, trying to find a clue why he was here.. but Fenris had been good at hiding emotions in Kirkwall and had become even better at it here. . 

“Does.. Danarius know you’re here?”

“Of course, master sent me here.”

“He.. sent you?” Anders blinked at him in confusion again. Fenris glanced at him for a second before looking down once more. “Why?”

_Look at me._

“Your reward,” Fenris explained haltingly. “He said you’d might want to spend some time with me.”

“Really? Uh.. .”

“You can send me away if you don’t want to.” The words were spoken a little too fast. 

“No, it’s.. alright,” Anders said cautiously. “I’d like to spend some time with you. We haven’t talked in quite some time. I’ve missed it.” Anders almost bit his tongue at the last bit. It sounded strangely like a confession. But what was he confessing? 

Fenris nodded and Anders tried to watch his face carefully. There was something in his eyes, something the mage had never seen before. Anders suddenly felt at the loss of words. Only moments ago, he’d thought about staying in Tevinter, about saving the mages once he’d be influential enough as a magister. And even though he’d thought about helping the slaves too.. Now with Fenris in front of him, his heart ached for them even more. His heart ached in particular to see _Fenris_ free once again. Free, without his slave mannerism. Far away from Tevinter, where they could look at each other again without fear. Anders guessed it could only be fear that kept the other man from looking at him. He’d stopped doing it once Cato joined them. He remembered Fenris’s warning about not showing how much he cared, but… 

They were alone now. Why didn’t the elf drop the act? Why was he still staring at the floor? 

“If you don’t want to, though..” Anders drawled of. He wouldn’t force Fenris to stay with him if he didn’t want to. Even though he wasn’t sure there’d be a better opportunity to It was a talk about their plan. 

Their plan. Anders swallowed nervously. Weeks had passed and he still had no real clue how to get them out of here. It felt like letting Fenris down once again.. The elf should be angry at him. It was strange how much Anders wished to see those eyes glare at him, hear his deep voice yell mean things.. Instead, Fenris just stood there as if awaiting a command. 

“You can sit down if you like,” Anders suggested carefully. He didn’t want to order him around. After all, he wasn’t Danarius. Fenris followed suit either way and sat down on a chair. 

“What do you want me to do?” he ask mechanically. 

“What? I.. don’t want you to do anything. Fenris, I’m serious. If you don’t want to be here, you can go. I won’t force you to stay. If you stay though, we might use the time to talk. About.. getting away from here.”

For a moment, Fenris’s eyes flashed up towards his face, but before he really got to look at him, the elf avoided his gaze once more. Anders stared at the other man, unsure how to begin as silence threatened to suffocate him. 

“I got a letter from Hawke. Well, from Varric actually.”

“I know.”

“You.. what?” Anders sat on down on his bed.

“Danarius read it to me.”

“Why?”

“To make clear he didn’t mention me at all. That you probably hadn’t either.”

“That’s.. cruel.”

Fenris just kept looking at the floor. Anders felt a prickling sensation in the back of his head.. it was too much. Looking at Fenris was looking at the shell of a man he once knew. Had he done something wrong? The last time he’d been alone with the elf, Fenris had clung to him. Now, he wouldn’t even look at him and every word he pried from the other man’s lips felt like drops of cold rain. 

“Fenris..” Anders started haltingly. “You.. haven’t looked at me even once since the night I’ve healed you. We’re alone now, you don’t need to keep up that act.“

“Act?” Suddenly, there was something cold in Fenris’s voice. 

“Yes, I get that you don’t look at me when you’re with Danarius. But he’s not here.”

“You are my master’s apprentice. It’s inappropriate to look at you.” The cold tinge in his voice was gone again. 

“What?” Anders mumbled in shock. Was he joking? But Fenris didn’t say anything else. He just sat at his chair, unmoving. 

“You can’t be serious. Fenris, it’s me, Anders. Remember? We were friends or.. ok, we weren’t friends at all but I like to think of us as friends lately. I’m not a magister, I’m.. I don’t want you to act like a slave around me.”

“It’s not an act.” Again, cold steel in the elf’s voice. “I am a slave. It doesn’t matter what I was in Kirkwall. Kirkwall’s in the past. Tevinter is now. It’s my future.”

“No..” The word left Anders in a shocked rush. “No!” He said again, louder this time. “No! No! No!” He was yelling it now, staring at the elf with an angry glare. Fenris couldn’t mean that, he just couldn’t. But the elf stayed impassive at the sudden outburst. 

“How can you even say something like this?”

“Because it is true.” No more steel. Calm.

“What about our plan?” Anders couldn’t believe what was happening. Had Danarius used blood magic on Fenris? He knew the elf had been put through a lot but he’d never thought him to actually break. Fenris was one of the strongest persons he knew. Maybe the strongest. It had taken him some time to realise it. 

“What about it? It’s pointless. Even _if_ we could manage to get away, Danarius will never stop chasing after me.”

“That’s why we kill him, it would make things way easier.” The words sounded strange in his ears. Killing Danarius had been his plan for a long time. But now.. 

_He’s a monster.  
A man._

_A father.  
_

No, it didn’t matter. 

“You’re not wearing your collar, you could take his heart tonight.” 

“I’m his property, I’d just change ownership.”

“I.. he..” Fenris was right. Anders thought about the conversation he’d heard earlier. Who was Danarius’s visitor? 

_“What about Fenris?”_

If Danarius went through with his plan, Fenris would belong to Anders. 

Suddenly, it felt like there were cotton balls in his mouth. “I overheard him saying today that he’s planning to declare me his heir.”

“I knew you would fit in well.”

There it was, the old accusation. It stung, the same way it had back then when Fenris had said it in his cell. There was a new quality to that feeling though.. it hurt deeper.  
He hadn’t realised he’d been moving until he stood right in front of Fenris and pulled him up from his chair. The elf went pliantly, offering no resistance at all. His eyes were still transfixed at anything but Anders and it was driving the mage _mad_ for a reason he wasn’t able to comprehend. 

“Look at me,” he ordered. He didn’t like how harsh his voice sounded, didn’t like the way his hands gripped Fenris’s biceps. Hard and unwilling to let go..

And he did. 

Fenris looked at him, seemingly unable to deflect a direct command. Anders felt like he’d been hit by several knives when their eyes met. There was so much pain the elf just couldn’t hide.. 

Anders’s hands fell lax to his sides. He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. There were no words in his head, just a wide rage of emotions spinning and spinning until he felt dizzy. 

His eyes were scanning Fenris’s face.. right in front of him, there was so much to see. The little wrinkles around his eyes, the slight frown on the elf’s lips. Anders knew he was being creepy but his head wasn’t functioning well. Still spinning.  
Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Fenris’s eyes slipping away once more, down to the floor. For a moment, Anders panicked. He couldn’t let that happen, he just.. couldn’t. 

Fenris made a surprised noise when mage suddenly cradled his face in his hands. Anders was confused by his own actions.. but that didn’t stop him from doing it. It felt strangely right, like the night he’d healed Fenris. They were close, there was a connection between them.. something Anders couldn’t form into words. And with Fenris looking at him, it was there again. 

_”Finally!”_ It was the first clearly worded thought he had again, but his head still wouldn’t stop spinning. 

It was when he heard a silent whimper that the spinning stopped with a nauseating jar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (someone owes me a draaabble)


	12. Chapter 12

“Please.. don’t..” Fenris looked at the mage with a pained expression. Anders was able to hold his gaze before the elf returned to staring at the floor once again. 

“Don’t what? Fenris, please talk to me.” He wished he’d be able to hide his desperation, but it was overloud in his voice. Reluctant, he pulled away his hands that had still been holding the elf’s face. The strange kind of intimacy he’d felt only moments ago was gone, a distant cold feeling immediately took up all the space left. 

Fenris hesitated, Anders saw him swallow a few times and open his mouth as if to speak, which he never did. He tried to give him time and wait patiently while he felt his own body fill up with nervousness. 

“I.. Nevermind.”

A breath Anders was not aware he’d been holding left him in a rush of air. He felt like running into a wall over and over again. 

“Please talk to me,” he repeated, trying to sound calm. “Did I do something wrong?”

Again, Fenris hasisteted. His eyes darted around without ever meeting Anders’s gaze. He waited, again, for him to speak. Pushing the elf would probably gain nothing at all. 

“I.. thought you might be going to kiss me.” Fenris stated carefully after what felt like hours. Within seconds, Anders felt heat creeping up his cheeks. There was something about that statement that made him feel caught. Exposed. 

“I- I’d never..-” Anders started. He was actually glad when Fenris interrupted his stammering before the words kept stuck in his mouth.

“You have every right to do so. It’s just.. It doesn’t..”

“I don’t have any right to kiss you without your permission.” This time, the words came easily. Anders felt the truth to it, felt his own conviction and held onto it against any other confusion. 

“Danarius would never humiliate himself by kissing a slave and neither should you,” Fenris continued without really listening. It sounded rehearsed, his voice strangely detached. “I know Danarius send me here to fulfil your every wish but..”

“Danarius did _what_?” This time it was for Anders to interrupt. 

_He sent him as your reward._ Of course. It made sense. In a perverted kind of way. 

_“You must have ached to put him into his place.”_

“Maker..” Anders whispered appalled. Fenris showed no reaction at his realisation whatsoever. “Maker, Fenris. I’d never force you into _anything_.” He wished the elf could see the truth in his eyes - _if he’d only look at him_. 

“I am yours for tonight,” Fenris said. “It’s your right to do with me as you wish and I knew it would happen eventually it’s just..” 

“No, it won’t happen at all!” Anders interjected, but Fenris didn’t seem to hear his words or care about them. 

“Kissing you would be.. too much.” For the tiniest second, the other man looked up at Anders. It sent a jolt through his body he couldn’t explain. Like being hit by a lightning. It rendered him speechless for a few seconds, a time Fenris used to talk again. 

“I hoped Master.. Danarius would grant me my wish. He said he would, but now he uses this as my final punishment and I.. I want what he offers. But I don’t want.. _this._ This is what I tried to avoid all the time. Without my obedience, I won’t get my reward. And now you say you wouldn’t force me and I’m too weak to beg.”

“Fenris.. I..-”

“I didn’t think it would be that hard.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want. I don’t want you to.. serve me or whatever he wants to call it. You can tell him that, it’s not your fault.”

“You don’t understand,” Fenris sighed. “If you don’t want to do this, I won’t receive my reward.”

Anders stared at him, at the loss of words. What did Fenris want so badly? Just when he mustered the courage to asked, the elf spoke again. 

“He wouldn’t believe me anyway. He sees the way you look at me. Everyone does.”

There it was again. The feeling of heat filling up his body and not in the good way. 

_Everybody does._

Sure, he’d been looking at Fenris. At his friend. 

And here he’d thought he’d be so subtle. Did that mean people had been talking behind his back? Of course they had, this was Tevinter after all. But what were they talking about after all? Anders missed Fenris’s presence, his friendship or whatever he’d call it. He missed Fenris as a connection to Kirkwall.. 

That was all there was to it, right?  
Deep down, Anders felt the lie he didn’t dare to give voice to.  
_They see the way you look at him._

 

 _This is my final punishment._

What could he do what Erimond hadn’t? The magister had tortured Fenris, had put knives through his hands.. After he’d healed Fenris, did Danarius still think he’d do something similar to the elf? Or was it _because_ he could heal every damage he might cause?  
Did Danarius know him at all? 

And what about Fenris? Why would this be worse than what Erimond did to him? Hadn’t he shown him another side of him? Hadn’t Fenris started to trust him?

“What could I do to you that’s worse what Erimond did?” Anders heard himself ask. For a second, Fenris looked up, then adverted his eyes even further. Suddenly, he seemed unsure. Ashamed? But in the end, he only shrugged his shoulders in response. 

Anders felt like _screaming_ , but then, the elf chose to fill up the silence with words.

“If you value our.. friendship at all...” 

Friendship. Trust. Did he trust him? Anders felt like bursting with questions. 

“If you.. If I mean anything to you… then let me stay for tonight and tell Danarius I did everything you asked of me.”

Anders wasn’t sure how to respond, still lost in his musing on why Danarius thought this to be the ultimate punishment for Fenris. 

“Or maybe do it for Hawke if that’s not enough.” Though Fenris tried to let it sound even, Anders did notice the hurt in his voice. 

“What? No!” Anders held up his hands. “No, I don’t need Hawke as a reason to do that for you. But.. can I ask you one question?”

 

Fenris let out a breath as if he was steeling himself for what was about to come. “Of course.”

“What did you want as a your reward?”

“I knew you were going to ask this..“ Fenris closed his eyes for a moment which was even worse for Anders than the other man just not looking at him. The elf looked lost. Far away. In a place where Anders couldn’t reach him, couldn’t do anything to help him at all. and maybe that was already the truth. 

“And what would be the answer?” Anders had no idea what was about to come, but the way the elf reacted made his stomach churn. 

Fenris let out a harsh breath. When he opened his eyes, he looked at Anders with determination. “I want Danarius to wipe my memory.”

The words tumbled through Anders’s head, echoing without meaning. 

“What?” he asked genuinely confused for the moment. Fenris just stared. 

“What use is it to me here. You don’t understand how painful this is.”

“What?” Anders asked again. This time, he didn’t get an answer, instead, Fenris turned around and took a few steps away from him. It was strange how the distance actually helped the mage’s mind to process what he’d just said.

For weeks now he had tried to come up with a plan to get them out of here, to save Fenris from slavery. He was willing to risk his own life in the attempt. And now Fenris was trying to _kill_ the man he was about to save. A person that had started to mean a lot to him. Anger flared up deep in his stomach and made it hard to breath for a moment. It was suffocating him, pulling at him, sending waves of nausea and heat through his body. 

“You’re willing to through it all away, then?” He spat at Fenris’s back. The elf flinched but didn’t turn around. Anders fought the reflex to walk up at him and whirling him around by the arm, forcing him to look at him, to confirm it to his face. 

“I know you would not understand,” Fenris said as he walked a few more steps and sat onto Anders’s bed. 

“Understand what? That you’re about to give up who you are?” This time, Anders managed to regain some calm. Getting angry doesn't solve anything, he knew that.. yet it hurt Getting angry at Fenris was easy. Safe.

“I’m not a ‘who’ here. I’m a ‘what’, a thing, a pet. Remembering only makes it harder to accept my role.”

Flashes of memories washed over Anders. A little boy, standing in front of his father who refused to even look at him. 

_”Take this thing away from me,” he heard the man say with a voice that could cut steel._

__”It’s not a thing, it’s your son!”_ The pitiful cry of his mother. _

__”No, it’s not. It’s a demon wearing his face.”_ _

All fight left Anders’s body in an instant. He remembered years of being in the company of the Templar, being treated like a thing. He remembered his year in solitary, when no one would speak to him and he was on the verge of craziness, of losing himself. 

He knew what Fenris was going through. Knew how hard it was for him to accept this change because he _remembered_ better times. Times when his mother would hold him. Times when he was told someone loved him. 

Before Karl, he’d nearly reached the point where he’d give up who he was. Lucky for him, his lover found him before it was too late. 

“Don’t do this, Fenris. I promised to get you out of here,” Anders tried weakly. Karl had been so much better at this. He’d said the right things at the right time. He hadn’t been tangled in their combined misery. Yet he’d been in a much weaker position than Anders was right now compared to Fenris. 

“It’s impossible, don’t you see?” Fenris sounded tired. He clearly looked like it. 

“It’s not. There’s always a way. I promised to get you out of here” 

Fenris only huffed. “I know you want to.” 

“Your memories makes you who you are.” The words felt so weak.. But he had nothing better to say. 

“Stop it!” Fenris whirled around on the bed. For once, the image of a slave was gone it it was truly _Fenris_. Or at least what Anders knew of him. The Anger. 

“Just stop. You don’t have a plan and even if you had it’s madness! Danarius will never let me go. Don’t underestimate him, don’t make the same mistake I did. If you take me away from him, he will hunt you down and I don’t want you to…” He stopped, abruptly, biting his tongue. 

“You worry about me?” Anders looked at him with a curious feeling blossoming inside his stomach. Of course Hawke and his friends were worried for his wellbeing.. But getting the notion from Fenris was somehow different. It made him feel warm and.. home in a place that felt nothing but. 

“I.. why do you want to leave at all?” Fenris, again, refused to look at him. Instead he busied his hands with straightening the blanket that had been tousled a bit when he’d moved on the bed. 

“I want to get you out of here.” 

Fenris let out an audible breath. 

“Tevinter is for you what Kirkwall was to me.” 

“What?” 

“It’s a safe haven for mages. You’re a free man here and if you want to help the mages you are way more influential to do so as a future magister. In Kirkwall you’re an apostate. Hunted. I don’t want you to go back for my sake.” Fenris was done with the blanket but he still stubbornly refused to look at the mage. “We were never friends, Anders. I don’t know why you want to do that at all. But I don’t want you to go back to the life you had.” 

“If we were never friends why do you care about _my_ life so much?” Anders couldn’t help but smile, which actually triggered some kind of snort from Fenris before the elf’s face grew serious once more. 

“I mean it. don’t leave on my behalf.” 

“What if I ran? Would you come with me?” 

Fenris barked a short laughter that lacked any mirth. “You’re insufferable, do you know that?” 

“Of course, it’s one of my better traits. So, would you come with me?” 

For a while, Fenris said nothing. Then he looked at Anders again, with the same determination he’d shown in his eyes before this night. 

“No.” 

“Just give me a little more time.” 

“I said no.I won’t go with you. I don’t want you to go through with your stupid plan.” 

“I don’t want to stay in Tevinter.” 

“That’s a lie. You’re happy here. You are happier than I’ve ever seen you before.” 

“That's not true. Also I could do far more good in my clinic. “ 

“I didn’t say you can do more good, I just said you’re happier here..“ 

Anders took a deep breath. “I’m certainly leading a much better and safer life here, yes. But I miss my clinic. I miss helping people." 

Fenris had gone very still. “You don’t need to help me.” 

“What if I want to?” 

“ _Why_?” Fenris voice sounded so small, so pained that Anders could feel his desperation and confusion in his whole body. He couldn’t blame the elf for feeling like this. They’d been at each other’s throats in the past constantly. When Fenris had killed Hadriana, Anders had been unwilling to help. So much had changed and it was hard to explain, hard to understand what had caused it at all.. 

“Think of all the mages you could save if you stayed.” Anders was surprised to hear the word _mages_ from Fenris without any venom to it. “You’re willing to throw it all away, then?” He echoed the mage’s earlier words. 

Feeling desperate with getting closer to the elf, Anders walked over to his bed and sat next to him. Still, he let the other man have his own space. 

“No, I’m not. Neither do I think I have to,” he said, looking at a man who wasn’t looking back at him. “As a magister I could help mages. Maybe. At least I have a better chance of people actually listening to me.” Because that was all it meant, right? Even being a magister didn’t mean he do any good. Politics are talking mostly after all. 

“I never asked for this.” Anders shrugged his shoulders in a helpless gesture. “I never asked for this power, for being made a magister.. It’s tempting, yes. But..” Anders struggled to find the right words. “You said that I’m free here, but that’s not what it feels like. I feel.. caged.” 

Fenris didn’t react at all to Anders’s words. The mage hoped that he was able to get through to him, to let him know that he _really_ wanted to get away. With him. 

“So I ask you again.. If I ran, would you come with me?” 

Fenris didn't need a whole second to respond. “No.“ 

Anders felt his shoulders tense up in reaction. 

“Why? You don't want me to endanger myself, I get that.. “ Even though it was confusing. “But if I ran anyway why not come with me? “ 

“Because I'm tired of running. “ And in this moment, Fenris really looked tired. “I have accepted my fade. I can't escape Dararius.. and I'm not sure I want to, either.” The last words were barely more than a whisper but they caused a roaring storm inside Anders. 

“What? Have you forgotten what he's done to you?” 

“No. But I.. misbehaved. It was his right to punish me. He's not always like this. He's.. kind to me now. I don't deserve so much kindness after I ran. But.. he _cares_.“ 

The air left Anders's lunges in a huff, at a loss of words. Danarius cared about Fenris. That much was true. As much as he wanted to convince himself that he merely cared for him as a pet, a plaything, he remembered their conversation in the gardens a few weeks ago. Fenris was part of a family for a man who’d lost everything. It was twisted, sad. And it didn’t fit in with what he did to the elf. Fenris had been at the receiving end of this madness, how could he not see through this? He’d always hated Danarius. 

Deep inside. Anders was aware that it also stung that he wasn’t the only reason Fenris refused to run. Of course he wasn’t. After all, _serving_ him was meant to be the ultimate punishment for the elf. 

“Can you hear yourself? This isn't you!” Anders said, swallowing down the ugly thoughts in his mind.. 

“You don't really know me. I've been different in Kirkwall. It was a.. pathetic attempt to me more than I actually am. “ 

“That's not true. You're simply not allowed to be yourself here. “ 

“You are mistaken. I am happy here. “ 

“So when you're so happy and everything's great then why asking Danarius to wipe your memory? “ 

“Because…” Fenris opened and closed his mouth a few times before he found the right words. “It's hard to behave accordingly with all those lies in my head. “ 

“Lies? That you could be free? That you have friends who are worried about you? Those are no lies. It's the truth.” 

“Stop it! Please!” Fenris was looking at him with a pained expression now. Anders watched him carefully, noticing how tense he was, how his hands were tight balls in his lap. 

“This is what I truly am,” the elf was breathing the words out more than he was saying them. “Kirkwall was a dream. But it will never be true. Not for me. This is my place.So no, If you ran I wouldn’t come with you.” 

Anders’s vision blurred. This couldn’t be happening. All this weeks his thoughts had been on rescuing Fenris, of getting him out of Tevinter and far away from Danarius - killing the magister even. He had failed him. He had waited too long. _And still didn’t have much of a plan._ Fenris was truly back at Danarius’s side. Anders had no idea _how_ the magister had done it, but he had broken Fenris, had broken the strongest man Anders had ever known. 

_He’s a monster._ Anders thought and yet he saw Danarius’s face, wearing a warm smile directed at him… and he felt the strange charismatic power the man held over him, too. 

Danarius was simply a man. A man with good and bad traits. Raised in a land where slavery was the norm. Under other circumstances, maybe just far away from Tevinter, Anders would have loved to be his friend, his apprentice. But not here. He couldn’t keep his eyes when it came to the crimes that happened every day under his roof. Couldn’t look away when young boys were slaughtered for entertainment. Or used liked a toy. 

Anders looked at the man sitting next to him. He appeared calmer now. If he fully believed what he had said? There was no way Anders could carry him out of Tevinter, he had to follow him willingly. For a moment, the mage concentrated on the other man’s presence. It was soothing in a way. No matter what had happened in Kirkwall, Anders considered Fenris his friend now. He’d _missed_ him a lot, the elf had been in his mind constantly since their shared days in Fenris’s cell. No one felt so much like _home_ as he did. 

And that would all be lost. If Danarius took Fenris’s memory, that man, his _friend_ , would be snuffed out. Already it was happening. Anders was glancing at the elf sideways, saw the little changes in the way he held himself, how he spoke. Fenris was crumbling away. 

“No matter what you keep telling yourself. It wasn’t all a lie. You have friends. They care about you. I care about you.” 

“Kirkwall is haunting me. I abandoned my duties for a childish dream. I’m tired of trying to be.. someone,” Fenris whispered. 

“You already are someone. I don’t want you to forget who you are.” _I don't want you to forget who I am._

“What am I?” The words sounded hollow as if he wasn’t really interested in an answer. Anders gave it to him anyway. 

“You’re my friend.” 

“ _If_ we are friends then you’d grant me that wish. It’d make things easier for me.” 

“That’s unfair.” 

“Maybe.” 

“What has he done to you..” Anders felt his own helplessness overlaid with anger as he spoke. “You’re strong. You’ve always been so strong.” He shook his head in disbelieve. 

“I am not.” Fenris tilted his head to look at him. Anders noticed the dark circles under his eyes that grew even more prominent in the dim light of his room. “Please.. just.. help me.” 

Anders couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes of the other man. There was still something there, those were not yet the dull, lifeless eyes he saw on most slaves. 

“I will,” Anders said with conviction. “But not by letting you do this.” 

“Danarius has been good to you. Why would you want to leave?” Fenris sounded almost angry for a moment. 

Anders let out a shuddering breath. Yes, Danarius had been good to him. If it only were Danarius, then maybe.. But no. No matter how kind Danarius acted towards him he’d never be able to forget the images of Fenris _screaming_ in pain. 

“I’m sorry, Fenris. I can’t do this.” 

“I could tell him about your plans.” 

“I suppose you could. But what good would it do?” It as an empty threat, Anders was almost sure of it. Yet he still hoped Fenris wouldn’t go that far. As long as he didn’t tell Danarius, there was hope. As long as he didn’t tell him, he hadn’t fully turned into his loyal pet once more. 

With a frustrated huff, Fenris let himself fall back onto the bed. The sudden movement startled the mage. Carefully, he turned his head to get a better look at Fenris. The elf was massaging his forehead with both hands, his eyes pressed shut. This clearly hadn’t been an easy conversation for the both of them. Anders let out a sigh, unsure what to do now. He watched Fenris huff again and let his hands fall to his sides. Again, he looked a little lost, not like the tough man who had just tried to threaten him. Anders couldn't bring himself to blame him. While he felt lonely in Tevinter, he had people to talk to, places to go, letters to write. He had possibilities. A future even, if he wished. Fenris had nothing. Danarius, sure. Anders knew that the magister valued the elf, knew how important he was to him. For Fenris, though? 

Anders had listened to him talk about his master in Kirkwall. Had heard the pure hatred in his voice. No matter what Fenris told him, Anders knew it was true. 

Fenris was alone. And so far, Anders hadn’t been of much help. 

Carefully, Anders reached out for Fenris’s hand, lying flat on the mattress. The elf didn’t flinch when their fingers touched. Anders felt a tiny smile pull on his mouth, but didn’t dare to look at the other man. For a reason he couldn’t explain it felt like a secret that he was touching him. Which was stupid, because of course Fenris knew he was doing it. For a moent, he closed his eyes and relaxed, taking in a deep breath. 

***

Fenris was gone. When had he fallen asleep? He couldn’t remember laying down, but he must have at some point because he clearly was lying on his bed - he was even covered by a blanket.

But more important was the man missing from his room 

From the lights shining through the curtains Anders assumed it must be late morning. So had Fenris returned to Danarius? He must have. Which brought up a searing hot feel of panic in Anders. 

Fenris had left. And though they had talked a lot, they hadn’t quite talked things out. What if Fenris had gone to Danarius, telling him he had done everything Anders had asked of him? Would Danarius grant him his wish? Thinking about it made it hard to breathe. No, he couldn’t let that happen. 

But did he have a choice? _If_ Fenris had lied to the magister and Anders called him out on it, he would be punished again - that, Anders was sure of. Could he really let that happen? 

No, he couldn’t let that happen either. 

Anders wished he’d already had a plan to escape. It would come in handy right now.. He couldn’t stay in his room forever, sooner or later he’d have to face Danarius and whatever Fenris had told him. 

 

Much to Anders dismay, sooner was the case.  
Having missed breakfast he was just heading towards the kitchen to get something to eat when he crossed paths with the magister. As soon as the other man saw him, his face lightened up with a smile. 

“Anders, good to see you up. How are you feeling today?”

“I'm fine, thank you.” Anders answered with a tiny smile. He tried to steal a glance at Fenris, the elf was back to his usual place as Danarius's shadow. Fenris didn’t glance back at him and Anders suddenly felt panic roar up inside of him. Had he already received his reward? Was the Fenris he knew gone? 

He tried to calm himself by arguing with himself that the elf hadn’t really looked at him when he was with his master before. It didn’t mean anything, right? The process of wiping one’s memory surely wasn’t supposed to be done in a few hours without preparation either. 

“I was wondering if you were well enough to another attempt on the experiment with Justice. I think we’re almost there.” Danarius voice started Anders for a brief second. 

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be well enough?” he asked in return with a smile that didn’t feel real. 

“Well.. After last night.. Fenris refused to tell me about it.” Danarius smirked at him and Anders felt his heartbeat speeding up. Fenris hadn’t lied to the magister, so he could still put it right and tell him the truth without getting the elf in trouble. Also.. Did it mean that he hadn’t given? That he still trusted Anders to get him out of here? Even though he’d clearly said he didn’t want to.. No, the mage was clearly reading too much into it.. Danarius looked at him with an bemused look on his face, one eyebrow raised in a question he hadn’t asked. 

“I.. nothing happened last night.” 

The eyebrow was raised even higher. 

“Don’t get me wrong!” Anders hastily said. “I.. really appreciate the thought. But I just couldn’t do it because..” _Quick, think about something!_ “..it felt like stealing from you. You and Fenris are so close and I just couldn’t..” 

Anders had no idea if that had been the right thing to say but when Danarius started chuckling, he felt somewhat relieved. At least he hadn’t angered him. 

He should really start to think those things through before he rushed into them. 

“You really are a loyal one,” Danarius stated while he shook his head slightly in disbelieve. “I send him to you as a gift.”

“I know, I know. It just felt weird.”

Again, Danarius chuckled. Anders felt the magister’s hand between his shoulder blades as the other man stepped closer. 

“Maybe next time you take what you want. You have done well and you deserve to treat yourself from time to time.”

Anders forced a smile on his face. The thought of using another person to treat himself was far from anything he wanted. He knew, though, that Danarius probably wouldn’t understand his problem so he kept quiet and listened as the magister started telling him about the next step of the experiment. 

When they started walking down the hallway to Danarius’s laboratory, Anders noticed Fenris looking at him. It made concentrating on the other mage’s explanations way harder for a reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just leave this here (you can only do so much editing before you start hating every word.. I hope it still makes sense)  
> happy new year by the way :) and thank you again for all the kudos and wonderful comments!


	13. Chapter 13

Fenris’s head lay in his master’s lap, the magister stroking his hair absentmindedly while conversing with his friend. Anders couldn’t tear his eye from the bruises on the elf neck, silently wondering if they were the result of punishment or something else. Or both? Anders wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. He felt his fingers twitch nervously as he watched the Danarius petting him. Fenris’s hair must feel pretty soft under how hands. Surely Anders would do a much better job at stroking the elf’s hair. Because other than the magister, _he_ would never hurt Fenris. Not like this. Never like this. 

Only moments later, he felt guilty about that line of thought. 

There was no point in denying that the way he felt about the elf had changed drastically. He accepted the change but still didn’t dare to put a name on it. He’d wondered when it had happened exactly, though.. Right when he came to Tevinter, he couldn’t care less about Fenris. Or so he’d thought. There had always been something.. alluring about Fenris. Even though the other man had made him to want to hit him with his staff constantly every time he started one of his anti-mage-tirades. Anders had always suspected the lyrium under the man’s skin for the attraction he’d still felt occasionally, though Justice with his usual fondness of everything lyrium-related had never taken any interest in the elf. On the contrary, in fact. Other than Anders, he had even started to dislike him when they first met. And whereas Anders had felt the urge to talk to Fenris at first, to come to some kind of arrangement at least for Hawke’s sake, the spirit had intervened. So, Anders was aware now that there had always been some kind of attraction when it came to Fenris. The real question was.. was attraction the only thing now? 

Things between them had clearly changed. At least for Anders. The mage now understood _why_ Fenris had always been so angry. Here in Tevinter, Anders wasn’t a prisoner. He wasn’t the one being held as a prized pet and he for sure was angry all the time about what was going on. Right now, though, he didn’t really have the energy to feel angry or much of anything at all.

No, right now wasn’t the _time_ to be angry either. Instead, Anders blinked tiredly. It’s been days since Danarius performed the experiment - for the last time for a while as he’d claimed with great satisfaction. Still, Anders felt drained and empty. He’d been told that he’d slept for at least two days after the experiment. Another two days he’d spent in bed. This was the third day he’d been able to leave his room but he was still feeling the effects. It was.. strange. Like there was a hole inside of him. But perhaps, this had nothing to do with the experiment.

After his last conversation with Fenris, the mage felt even more lonely being all by himself most of the time. He hadn’t seen Cato in days, which was kind of peculiar. Usually, the other healer would check on him or at least sit with him to kill the time. Asking Danarius about him had only proven to be a waste of time. The magister had only waved his hand dismissively and told him Cato had other projects to attend to right now. Anders hoped he was alright. 

A quiet chuckle from Danarius caused Fenris’s head to bounce a bit in his lap. Anders had no idea what the magister found so amusing. It surely wasn’t him, tired and unfocused as he was sitting at the table. As Anders lifted his gaze, he saw that the magister’s visitor was smiling, too. 

Lavinia. The magister who’d come to his help when he’d interrupted Danarius killing the slave boy at the party for show effects. Immediately after she had started talking today, Anders had recognised her voice as the one he’d heard in the magister’s office the other day. The one that had so clearly outspoken her dislike of the idea of making Anders Danarius’s heir. Anders had wondered then why she had been so opposed by the idea. Back at the party, she’d seemed to like him. 

Anyway, clearly the two magisters had managed to leave their argument behind as they were now talking amiable for what felt like hours to Anders. Their conversation was kind of lost to him. He tried to listen to them now and then but found himself distracted by Fenris’s presence ever so often. He ached to talk to him.. ached to hear his voice. Not to see him as a silent puppet with Danarius pulling at his strings. 

Right now, those thoughts were pointless. Once again, Anders tried to concentrate on their conversation. It was mostly about the qunari and how they posed a threat to Tevinter’s smaller villages. Danarius was convinced Minrathous was save, though Lavinia felt differently about that topic. 

“You should at least consider going there as an adviser. You’ve been to this war, you’ve seen them fight. And you came home alive.”

 

“That I did. And I’d like to stay alive for a while longer,” Danarius replied with a lopsided grin. 

“I don’t want you to die,” Lavinia said and as she rolled her eyes playfully at him. It made Anders wonder if they had been more than friends at some point. The way they were looking at each other… but maybe his lonely, confused and desperate mind was playing tricks on him. 

“Then maybe you should stop insisting I go to war. Besides, I have a new apprentice, as you very well know, I can’t take him with me. Also I have an event to attend in Qarinus in a fortnight. I’ve already accepted the invitation and you _know_ how Aigidius can be.”

Anders’s ears really perked at that. He hadn’t heard of this event yet or of Aigidius for that matter. Qarinus was.. east? Actually, he had no idea. Getting out of Minrathous sounded exciting for various reasons. Maybe there was actually a chance to finally get Fenris away from Danarius.. his eyes strayed to the elf for only a second and the urge to keep him safe flushed over him in a crushing wave and then pulled him under, drowning him in a surge of panic. There was always the possibility that Danarius wouldn’t take his apprentice with him.. or why else wouldn’t Anders know about the event by now? 

“Well,” Lavinia started. “Maybe there’s a way to get rid of both of your problems.”

“How so?” 

“Send your apprentice to Qarinus,” she said as she inclined his head towards Anders. The mage straightened his back as Danarius was watching him as well. 

“Anders?”, the magister asked bemused. “To Aigidius? _Alone_?”

“He _is_ your apprentice and if you’re still convinced about your.. plan..,” she gave him a pointed look.”..his attendance to the event is as good as yours.” 

Anders guessed that the plan she was talking about was making him the magister’s heir. So it was still a thing and Lavinia seemed to be way more relaxed about it. Or was she testing Danarius? 

“I’m not sure Aigidius will see it that way.” Danarius was looking at her with a raised eyebrow. His hand in Fenris’s hair came to a stop. “You know how he is.”

“Anders is as much of an important guest as you are. You can send him a letter to inform him beforehand. I’m sure living across Seheron, he’ll fully understand the importance of your involvement as an advisor in the war.”

Danarius’s hand started moving again, petting the elf absentmindedly. Anders saw Lavinia watching the movement out of the corner of his eyes, the corner of her mouth twitching downward for only a second. 

“I know you have concerns about taking your elf to war again. You can always send him with Anders. With all the backstabbing at the party he’ll probably be in need of a bodyguard way more than you anyway.”

Danarius barked a laugh at this while Anders heart started beating like crazy. Was this really happening? Was she really suggesting to send _him and Fenris_ on a party far far away from Danarius’s eyes? Perhaps he was dreaming. Perhaps he’d died in the experiment. 

“I know you don’t think the qunari are going to invade Minrathous. But I’m not so sure about that. Neither are the citizens. They are _scared_ , Danarius.” Her voice had taken on a pleading quality for the last sentence. 

The magister looked down at his slave and just for the tiniest moment, Anders felt a pang of jealousy that his mentor seemed to be more concerned about Fenris’s fate than his. He shook his head slightly, trying to shake the feeling off. It was.. confusing to say at least.  
No matter his motivation, if Danarius actually considered sending Fenris with him - or sending Anders at all - he should be more than happy. 

“What do you say, Anders? Are you feeling up to it?” Danarius addressed Anders after a few minutes of silence. 

“I do!” Anders answered a little too fast. “I mean.. If I can be of any help. You’ve done so much for me,” he quickly added. 

“Look who’s eager to prove himself,” Lavinia chuckled and Danarius smiled at her. “Maybe you’re right about him after all.”  
Anders could see his mentor smile even wider at that. 

“Very well. I will consider it. I want you to feel safe, Lavinia. I want Minrathous to feel safe.” 

The way he said it it reminded Anders of Hawke and how she would do anything to protect Kirkwall. Again, Anders wondered about the type of his relationship with Lavinia. As the other magister thanked Danarius and they started talking about something else, Anders zoned out again and thought about the new opportunities that had been presented to him through this rather fortunate coincidence. 

If the Maker existed, he was for once on his side.

***

It was a few days later, that Anders had been called to Danarius’s office. Since the magister’s talk with Lavinia, he had awaited this moment anxiously.. had Danarius finally come to a decision?

“Anders, come in,” Danarius said after Anders had knocked and opened the door. Nervousness was making him feel a little nauseous as he he sat down across the magister. Fenris stood in the shadows next to his master, not moving a muscle. Most slaves by now had managed to slink into the shadows, going unnoticed on to their daily business. Not Fenris. Anders was always aware of his presence. 

“You wanted to see me,” he said lamely, not sure how to start the conversation. 

“I’ve been thinking about what Lavinia said,” Danarius dived right into the topic and Anders suppressed a relieved sigh. This could have been so much harder. 

 

“I’ve never intended to go back to war,” he continued. “But I cannot ignore the qunari when they come knocking at the city gates.” 

Anders nodded his head, watching the other man carefully. The usual calm that surrounded his mentor was still there, but somehow.. disturbed. It showed in the way Danarius was fiddling with the quill on his table, the way his eyes would leave Anders’s face to stare at the far end of the room while he was talking. 

 

“Do you know anything about Aigidius?”

“No, just that he lives in Qarinus.” And only because he’d listened to that part of their conversation the other day. 

“That’s true. He’s a very important trader, just like his father before him. In fact, his family has always been of influence. He’s not a mage but he has the power to destroy people due to his financial power. If you want to get somewhere in politics, you should get into his good books, otherwise he could give you a lot of trouble.”

Danarius chuckled at his own words as if he’d just made a joke. His face, though, was kind of stoney. 

“He’s a little.. eccentric. It’s an honour to be invited to his parties, to decline his invitation comes close to social suicide.”

“I understand,” Anders said even though he actually didn’t. Tevinter was a country ruled by mages, how could a non-mage hold such power? The magister’s were rich, too, right? He thought about Kirkwall and Hawke and how she’d snub nobles all the time. It made him smile. 

“Are you happy in Tevinter, Anders?” 

The question took him off guard and he was sure it was showing on your face for a only second. 

“I am. It’s everything I’ve ever wished for. A safe place.” It was strange how good of a liar he had become. Maybe that particular lie was coming over his lips so easily because it had been true once. 

 

“So you intend to stay here?”

“I do.” Lies. Lies. Lies. 

“Good,” Danarius smiled at him. He then leaned back in his chair and looked at Anders thoughtfully. “I’m old, Anders. My family is dead and after what happened to Hadriana..” Again, he looked at the far end of the wall and considering how Anders, as Hawke’s friend, had been involved in her death, it made the healer feel uncomfortable for a moment. 

“There’s no one there to take on my legacy. No one but you.” Danarius paused and Anders could feel the heat rising up to his cheeks. 

“To get to the point here.. I was planning to make you my heir. It would grant you a seat in the senate as well as my mansion and belongings once I’m gone. Oh, and I trust you not to kill me out of greet, I can’t say that about most people in Tevinter.” 

Anders barked a nervous laugh. Even though he’d known about Danarius’s plan, being confronted with it made him feel slightly uncomfortable. Also.. that Danarius had brought up the plan to kill him made Anders a little nervous. 

“It’d be an honour to be your heir,” he said gingerly. “And I promise not to kill you for your pretty mansion.” No. Not for the mansion. 

Danarius laughed kind of relieved. It came as a surprise to Anders. Why would _he_ be nervous? Anders was a nobody in Tevinter, an apprentice. A mage from the Andernfels who’d been raised in the Circle. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” Danarius was grinning at him. “It also makes the whole ordeal with Aigidius way easier.”

 

“Does it?”

“Yes. If I send my _heir_ it wouldn’t be considered rude not to show up myself. Also I can inform him in my letter that _his_ party will be the first to welcome you in your new position.” 

A thousand thoughts were tumbling through Anders had for a second, before he settled for the keyword. Letter. He had to write a letter to Hawke and Varric to let them know of his trip to Qarinus. There must be a way to get ‘lost’ on the way. Or if he made it to Qarinus, to go from there. It was a seaport after all. Isabella could easily dock a ship there and take Fenris and him on board and..

Fenris. 

Danarius hadn’t mentioned Fenris at all so far. 

“I’ll brief you about Aigidius and the party later on, but there’s still time left. Let me write that letter first, you should take the day off and treat yourself. As my heir, you have every right to do so,” Danarius said smiling. 

Anders agreed to that as there wasn’t much else he could do. Danarius said there’d be an official event declaring him his heir after his trip to Qarinus. Only then it would be official. He also mentioned paperwork that had to be done beforehand and that Anders was supposed to sign a few things in the next upcoming days. 

When the healer left the magister’s office, he felt strangely light headed. He wished there was someone he could talk to. Sure, he was about to write a letter to Hawke, but that was different. He wanted to tell something about his conversation with Danarius, how being made his heir made him proud - despite his complicated feelings on Tevinter and the magister himself. He wanted an actual and immediate reaction. And he wouldn’t get that from a letter to Varric. 

For a moment, he wondered if he could go back into Danarius’s office to ask him about Cato’s whereabouts. But when he raised his hand to knock at the other man’s door, a barked order stopped him in his tracks. 

“Down on your knees. Now!” Anders heard the magister’s muffled voice through the wooden door and it made his stomach sink. Danarius was celebrating their progress in his own ways. And Fenris clearly was the one to suffer from it. 

 

Turning on his heels, Anders downright fled from the magister’s office. He only noticed how painfully fast his heart was beating in his chest when he came to an halt in the gardens. The words he’d just heard kept echoing in his head like a symphony of dread.. he couldn’t escape, no matter where he went. 

_Down on your knees._

Fenris trusted Danarius. Again. He was a constant at his side, bound to fulfil his every wish. And the magister used him as a toy to celebrate a good day like one would do with a glass of fine wine. 

Frustrated, Anders sat down on a little bench not far from a fountain. The sun was shining down on him, but he still felt cold. He’d thought in Tevinter he’d finally be free, finally be able to live as a mage without constantly being told that his powers were wrong and he was an evill to the world. Instead, it was becoming more and more of a challenge not to hate magic.

Tevinter mages didn’t represent all mages all over Thedas, Anders very well knew that. But like with everything else, there were indeed evil mages. He wasn’t even sure if he would describe the magisters as _evil_.. they’d been brought up in a society that approved and relied on slavery. So if there were taught to believe that slaves aren’t real people maybe it was hard to see all the wrongs they were doing? 

But then Danarius considered Fenris as ‘family’. How could you treat your family like that? 

But then again.. his own father had thrown him at the Templars’ feet the first time he showed any sign of magic.

Anders took a deep breath and leaned back on the bench. There was no point in dwelling on all those things. He had to deal with the situation at hand and he was one big step closer to archiving his goal. That meant.. If only Danarius let Fenris go with him. Would it be to forward to ask for his company? Danarius had been talking about a reward after all.. He’d sent Fenris to him that one night after all in an attempt to reward him. so… 

Anders flinched when he saw a boy standing a few steps away from him. He’d thought himself alone at the fountain and was only now noticing various slaves scurrying around the garden. Some were working on the marble statues, some were taking care of the flowers.. the boy, though, was just standing there like a living statue. Being horrified by his own tendency to overlook the presence of slaves the longer he stayed in Tevinter, it took Anders a few minutes to really look at him. He couldn’t shake of the feeling that this boy was familiar, though he couldn’t remember dealing with young elven boys in the past. 

“Hi,” he greeted and the boy flinched. 

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Anders went on when the boy stayed silent. Maybe he knew he was a healer, maybe he or a member of his family was sick. It was strange how the very thought of healing made Anders’s finger tingle in anticipation.. maybe he could do something meaningful. _He surely wasn’t able to do anything helpful for Fenris today._. 

“You’ve already done enough for me, dominus,” the young slave answered in a shaking voice. Anders blinked in confusion.. 

“What? I mean..-” And then it came back to him. 

_The boy’s hands clinging to his blood soaked robes, his face twisted in fear as more blood was gurgling from the cut Danarius had inflicted on his throat.._

“You are the boy from the party,” Anders almost whispered. He had healed him, sure. But.. Fenris had said Danarius would kill the boy anyway. How was it even possible that he was standing here alive and well? 

The boy didn’t react. It struck Anders how similar his behaviour was to Fenris’s.. he wasn’t even looking up at him. He was just standing there, looking lost and forlorn.. and afraid. Afraid to overstep some boundaries, afraid of the very person who’d _saved_ his life. Afraid of a mage.

This was just as new as it was something familiar. Something that had never failed to make Anders furious in the past. But things change. Now it only managed to make him sad and desperate. 

“I’m glad you’re alright,” he said, trying to set the boy at ease. “Do you have any lingering pain? I could take a look at your neck.” 

Anders knew that the boy should be fine. He’d healed him a long time ago and despite it being a deep cut, it also was a clean one and thus easy to heal. So as expected, the boy shook his head. 

“I’m fine,” the boy said silently. “I.. owe you my life.” 

Anders wanted to say that he owed him nothing, but before he could even open his mouth, the boy spoke again, this time louder, with more courage. 

“It’s my mother.” 

His knuckles were white, his hands slightly shaking. “She’s very sick. The healer is not available so no one is taking care of her and I..” His voice broke. Just like that night at the party, Anders wondered how young the boy may be. He thought about how he was sent to the Circle when he was about his age. Maybe a bit younger.. How the thought of losing his mother, of never seeing her again had scared him. How the pillow he’d gripped before they took him away had kept him sane all this years.. Now this boy’s mother was sick and his fear of losing her had pushed him towards Anders. Even if the mage scared him.. 

“Take me to her,” Anders said without further thought. He was met by the boy’s surprised and yet hopeful eyes for a mere second before he looked down at the ground again hastily. Instead of an answer, he only gave a short nod and Anders stood up to follow him. 

Even after all this weeks, he’d never seen the slave’s quarters at Danarius’s mansion. He hadn’t been brought here to be assigned a healer and so it was Cato’s job to look after their health. 

_The healer is not available._

Where was Cato?

***

The woman lying on the small cot was seriously ill, her skin clammy and ashen. Anders wasn’t sure if she’d noticed when her son sat down next to her, taking her hand and telling her in soft whispers about the healer’s presence. Her eyes showed no sign of recognition whatsoever, and Anders suspected the fever to have clouded her mind.  
When he took a step closer and held his hand over her to start with an examination however, she whimpered softly.

How deep the fear of magic ran with this people. But Anders couldn’t blame them. Not this people. Not the slaves. 

To his relief, it looked worse than it actually was. She _was_ seriously ill, but Anders found the reason of her that illness in an infected wound on her leg. Healing that would be more than easy and she should be fine after a few days rest. However, without healing, she would most likely had died in a few days. 

“She’ll be fine,” Anders informed the boy and couldn’t help the smile when he saw his face lighten up in relief. It only pushed him to work even faster so the boy would be in his mother’s arms once again. As it should be. 

After a few minutes of casting, the woman’s eyes changes, the fog visibly lifting from his mind. For a moment, she looked at Anders before she realized he was a mage. The sadness it caused to see her avoid her eyes was all too familiar with Anders by now. 

“Thank you,” the boy whispered when Anders was done casting. He was gripping his mother’s hand tightly, unwilling to take his eyes of her. As if she’d vanish if he didn’t look at her. 

“You’re welcome. I’m glad I was able to help.” And he really was. Watching the two of them happily smiling at each other, knowing that he’d saved the woman’s life and had prevented another tragedy.. _This_ was what magic was made for. _This_ was why he’d become a healer, why he’d spend all his time in a dark clinic in Kirkwall. He stayed for a while longer, checking the woman one more time to make sure she’d be ok. Anders was actually surprised to find that the collar keeping Justice in check didn’t interfere with his abilities as a spirit healer. 

“You’re the mage the master had brought back with poor Leto. The healer,” the woman murmured, pulling Anders out of his thoughts. 

“Well, I certainly am a healer, but I don’t know anyone called Leto. You must be mistaken.” 

The woman shook her head. To Anders surprise, she was really looking at him this time. 

“You _are_ his new apprentice. You are the one who saved my son.”

“Yes, but.. I’m sorry, I really don’t know someone by that name.”

“No,” again she shook her head. 

“He doesn’t go by this name anymore, mum. Remember?” 

Anders looked at the boy in confusion. 

“Right,” the woman sighed, looking at her son with a sad expression in her eyes. “Sometimes I want to forget.”

“His name is Fenris now.”

“I know, I know.”

Anders felt a weird sensation in his chest, his heart beating faster instantly. Leto. Anders had never known that Fenris wasn’t his real name. Fenris probably didn’t know either. Another thing they had in common. Anders hadn’t always been Anders. He had chosen not to give the Templars his name when he’d been brought to a Circle in Fereldan. His old life had been ripped away from him. Just like Fenris’s. _Leto’s_.

He ached to learn more. He could feel it in his whole body, the way his fingers were so very slightly trembling, the way his mouth filled up with questions. 

“You know Fenris?” Anders asked in his desperation for just _any_ scratch of information. The woman looked at him again. She looked him over with a strange mix of uncertainty and hostility and suddenly, he felt very small. 

However, maybe it was the fact that he started squirming under her scrutiny that she decided to talk to him. 

 

“I’ve known Leto,” she stated carefully. 

“What happened to him?”

Again, she gave him a look, this time more hostile than uncertain. A flash of anger hit Anders by surprise. She was a slave, shouldn’t she be answering his questions without making him feel like this? The mere thought scared him only an instant later. She had every right not to tell him if she didn’t _want_ to. Still.. couldn’t she see that he didn’t mean any harm? 

No, of course she couldn’t. 

“Please,” Anders implored. “I’ve only ever known him as Fenris. He doesn’t remember _anything_ of his life before he became Fenris.” .

“Why do you even want to know?” She seemed to wonder in earnest. 

“Because I’m his.. friend.” It didn’t feel like a lie anymore. 

“Being friends with a mage,” the woman mumbled. “How strange his life has become.”

“He saved our lives,” her son whispered.The woman gave her son a stern look, which softened after only a few moments. 

“You are right,” she sighed, then looked at Anders again. “I’ve known Leto since he’s been a little boy. We were all brought here after Tevinter soldiers stormed our village. They killed everyone who put on a fight and took everyone else.”

“So.. he wasn’t born a slave.”

“No,” she shook her head with a smile. “He was free once as was I. And it was hard for him, for all of us, to adjust to this new situation. He got into a lot of trouble at first, but he was smart. He learned how not to get caught and how to bend rules without getting punished.” She chuckled. “His poor mother nearly suffered a heart attack once or twice.”

“Is she still here?” Anders asked in a voice that sounded distant in his ears. Fenris’s mother. He’d never thought of her. If there was a chance, he should get her out of here to.. reunite him with his family. Flashes of images appeared before his eyes.. of his mother crying the day he’d been taken away.. of an elven woman with green eyes and dark skin, fussing over a little boy that looked like Fenris.. 

“No,” the woman shook her head and sighed again. “I haven’t heard of her since Leto freed her.”

“He.. freed her?” Anders eyes went wide. 

“That is how the whole tragedy started. Leto never forgot what freedom was like.. He saw his mother working hard every day, saw his sister born and grow up in slavery..” 

_A sister, too._

“When the master announced the big tournament, Leto did everything to be able to participate. It was said that the winner was granted a wish. Leto wanted to use it to free his family. And he did. He won. He freed them.”

A wish. A reward. It seemed kind of Danarius’s thing. Another demonstration of his power to the powerless. 

But Anders knew another version of Fenris. A strong man, not a slave. And Anders could easily imagine a young Fenris fighting tooth and nail for his family. He’d seen him fight for his friends - even for him - in Kirkwall several times. It made him smile a bit. Fenris had always been fierce in battle, always been determined to protect his friends. That fierceness had grown stronger over the years, had grown with every round of Wicked Grace, every drunken laugh at the Hanged Man. How fierce he must had fought to free a sister, a mother? 

“That’s great,” Anders said still smiling, but the woman only gave him a sad look. 

“Maybe. They were given a small amount of money and were set off. They weren’t allowed to say goodby to Leto. His mother had to be carried from her quarters, screaming and crying. She didn’t want to leave without him. And I’m not sure being free had done them any good either.”

Anders felt his heart sink. She was right. They were free but.. they were still elves in Tevinter. Former slaves, the lowest of all classes. But Leto had still seen this fade as worth fighting for. How much he must had detested being a slave. It was strange, how well Fenris had adjusted to it.. at least for now. 

“What happened next?” he asked a little more somber. 

“I never saw Leto again. It took months before I learned of the experiment.. and since then.. there had only been Fenris.” It sounded like saying this name costed her a great lot of effort. Like a foreign word in a language she’d never heard before. ”He looked so different.. I almost didn’t recognise him. He of course didn’t recognise me at all. I was told that he lost every memory of his former life.” 

“I’m sorry,” Anders said, but the woman didn’t seem to hear him. 

“..He was so different from the boy I’ve known. Most slaves hated him because the master kept him so close all the time, because he fed him when he was having dinner with his guests and because he got to wear fine clothes. They said he was spoiled.”

Anders thought of all the things that had been done to Fenris. Spoiled. They had no idea what they were being jealous of. 

“I was so happy when I heard he got away,” she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. “I prayed for him to be somewhere safe. I prayed that he’d be happy.”

“He was,” Anders said softly. Fenris had always been broody, but Anders had seen him smile, laugh, heard him joke with his friends.. With Hawke and Varric in particular. 

“What happened to him? Please..” Now it was the woman pleading with him, but Anders had no reason to answer her request with the same hostility. For him, it seemed like she had every right to know. 

“I.. He came to Kirkwall, that’s where we met. Well, I only met him because he was friends with a good friend of mine. We didn’t really get along then.” Anders chuckled nervously, very aware how much things had changed. 

“You said you are his friend.”

“Yes, kind of. It just took me a long time to understand him and his views on magic.” She didn’t need to know just how recently he’d come to that understanding, he decided. 

“Well, anyway. He stayed in Kirkwall for a few years, he made a few friends and.. we all knew Danarius would be coming for him eventually. We just didn’t.. “ Anders took a deep breath, remembering the day they were ambushed. “When he came, we weren’t prepared. We tried to fight him but we were outnumbered. That’s when Danarius took him. And me.”

“So you didn’t come here on your own free will?” she asked with knitted brows. “And now you’re his apprentice.”

Anders couldn’t help but laugh at that loudly, which only seemed more confusing to her. 

“Yes, it sounds absurd, but that’s exactly how it went down.”

“And Leto is once again his slave.” 

Anders breath hitched at the woman’s words, the laugh dying in his throat. She sounded so sad, so desperate.. for a boy she had known for a long time. They have all been captured, had all been slaves. That she was caring so much for Fenris still made his heart felt heavy in his chest. Years in slavery hadn’t made her bitter. Some slaves seemed apathetic but she.. The heartache he was feeling was all too familiar by now. He’d try to get Fenris out of Tevinter, sure. But what about her? What about the other slaves in general?  
..Yet the woman didn’t seem to despair in the face of her own captivity - or her son’s - but Fenris’s. Letos. Who was back to being a slave after years of freedom. 

“For now,” Anders murmured. Unsure what to tell her.. He wanted to tell her about his plan, about how he promised to get Fenris away from Danarius.. But he couldn’t force more words over his lips. There was a minutes of silence in which Anders thought he saw the two slaves exchanging a look. 

“Thank you for helping me,” the woman suddenly said, her eyes once more back to the floor. Anders opened his mouth as if to speak, perplexed by the sudden change of her behaviour. 

“You should go now, I’ve already wasted enough of your time.” 

No. This hadn’t been a waste of time at all. He had learned something about Fenris, about his past and he still had _so many_ questions.. But apparently, that window had somehow closed as Anders found himself be escorted outside by the woman’s son.. He went with him silently. 

Maybe on another day there would be time for more questions. Now, he had a letter to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! thank you again for all your nice comments and kudos! it's embarrasing how hard it is to write for me right now but I will keep doing it (hopefully at a faster pace :/ )


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not posting for such a long time.. again :( other things are taking up a lot of my time and energy lately and on top of that I sometimes forget how to write in english (which is really frustrating and I apologise for all the mistakes in this chapter. I tried to find them the best I could).   
> I hope that'll change in a few weeks when I have more time to myself. I'm so happy every time someone comments on this or leaves kudos and I try to sit down whenever there's time. So thank you for that and for your patience. you're great!

The sun bathed the mansion in a beautiful golden light. It added to the atmosphere of what seemed to be a heartbreaking scene. At least, it might seemed like that for a casual bystander. Almost shy gestures of goodby.. A touch to the arm, fingers playing with a stray of hair, sad puppy eyes.. It went as far as it would be considered appropriate for a master and his slave in front of other magisters.   
Both Danarius and Anders were leaving today, though they were headed for very different directions. Some members of the magisterium had come to bid Danarius goodbye and to thank him for his service to Tevinter. No one was paying much attention to Anders. It hadn’t been made official yet that he would be Danarius’s heir as the magister had promised Aigudus to introduce him as such on his party for the first time. It was meant to be a big announcement, a surprise.. Anders didn’t really care if anyone was paying him any attention right now. He only cared for one person. 

Until last night he hadn’t known if or if not Fenris would be accompanying him to Qarinus. Danarius had clearly been reluctant to let him out of his eyes for such a long time. Even when Anders had mustered the audacity to ask his mentor to send the elf with him as a favour - he’d feel so much safer with a capable bodyguard as he put it - , he had been met with unusual uncertainty. But Danarius was going to war and even though he wouldn’t be directly involved in the fighting, Anders had no doubt that the only the fear of losing Fenris during a battle _again_ had pushed him to make this final decision. 

Now Fenris would be with him and Anders was excited as he was anxious. It would be the perfect opportunity to get away since they were only travelling with a small group of people - five guards and a three servants. Anders had sent a letter to Varric, telling him in detail about his journey. He hadn’t heard back. Maybe there hadn’t been enough time to prepare, maybe his letter hadn’t even reached Varric yet.. Anyway, Anders knew he had to make a move, with or without the help of his friends. Back in Minrathous there’d be next to no chance to get away - at least for a long period of time. 

There was a catch, though. Anders still had trouble coming up with a concrete plan. The guards were told not to leave him alone.. which gave Anders a queasy feeling, even though it was a precaution meant for his safety. Templars had been watching over him since he was a child and yet he had been able to lose them and get away what felt like a hundred times. Maybe he could lose the guards, too, board a ship and sail away. Maybe. He had no idea why it had apparently become so hard to come up with a plan. For years now he’d been the leader of the mage underground, and in this position, had broken dozens of mages out of the _Gallows_. In Tevinter, he was free. Technically. The mansion was still highly guarded and at least Fenris was watched constantly. But a road trip? There were lots of opportunities.. So why was this so hard? Anders closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Any plan that had formed in his head so far had so many ‘what if’s’.. What if anything went wrong? What if Fenris got hurt in the process? It would be so much easier with Justice by his side. If he’d only find a way to break off the collar. But _what if_ Danarius was right and it was too dangerous to take it off just like that? He knew Justice. He wouldn’t take kindly to being locked away, being held captive.. Also.. Anders wasn’t quite sure how the spirit would feel about running away with Fenris. Tevinter was a _chance_. They could do a lot of good for the mages in all of Thedas. And maybe it was Justice’s absence that kept his host from putting that above all else. Anders smirked at the thought. Justice would have thought Fenris a distraction. And he wouldn’t be wrong about that. The thing was.. Anders didn’t mind at all. He had no intention on giving up on Fenris. He had a promise to keep after all. And even without that promise.. He’d still do anything to get him away from Danarius and into safety.. Even if it might cost him his own safety. He was used to a life on the run after all. 

 

Anders was startled from his line of thought by a motion at the window. Danarius came to an halt right before it, smiling a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Anders suddenly felt guilty.. _Get him away from Danarius and into safety._ Danarius had done a lot for him.. Danarius had also done a lot _to_ Fenris. It was still difficult for Anders to see those two very different personalities as one person. 

“So..,” Danarius drawled. “I hope you have fun at the party. I’m sure you’ll make me proud.”

“Thank you,” Anders answered with a small smile.

“I wish I could come with you, but I know you’ll do well on your own. We’ll see each other again in a few weeks. Remember what I told you and if there’s a problem, you can always turn to Lavinia, she’ll be here to help you with everyday business.”

“I will.”

Danarius nodded his head and turned as if to leave. Instead, he stood there for a moment before he turned around once again, looking at Anders with a serious expression.”

“Don’t damage him.”

Fenris. He still thought Anders would hurt him. 

“I’m a healer,” the mage said drily. 

“Still.” Danarius shook his head with a grin on his face. “One day, you will own him. Until then, you are allowed to use him with my permission. But he is not to forget who his real master is.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Anders said evenly even though he felt like screaming. The pure fact that someone thought him even capable of doing something like that made his skin crawl..   
Danarius gave him a final smile and left for his own carriage. And Anders realized, that if things would went according to plan, he’d never see the magister again. 

If only it wouldn’t make him feel so sad.. 

He didn’t have much time to think about it. As soon as Danarius entered his carriage, Fenris left his spot and moved over to Anders’s little convoy. For a moment, the mage thought he might get into the carriage but was soon disappointed against better knowledge when the elf got onto the coach box instead. Anders suppressed a sigh. He wasn’t sure if Fenris would open up to him once he was out of the magister’s reach - he dearly hoped so. But right now, in front of Danarius, it would be unwise to act any different from a slave and bodyguard.. And as such, his place wasn’t in Anders’s carriage. No. Fenris didn’t _act_ like a slave. Once again he was convinced that was what he was supposed to be.. Anders still hoped that around him, Fenris would drop that sort of behaviour over time.   
Time. It would take them three days to reach Qarinus. There, they’d spent roughly a week before they’d travel back to Minrathous once more. Would that be enough? 

When the door opened and an woman got into the carriage, he remembered that he had been assigned a trusted servant who’d travel with him in his carriage. Another reason why Fenris shouldn’t be next to him, then.. Anders gave her a small smile in greeting which was returned by the small woman. He didn’t remember ever seeing her before.. Which was absolutely possible considering how big the mansion was and how many people worked there. If she was one of Danarius’s personal servants, though, it was very unlikely.. Anders blamed in on the experiment and its lasting effects on his mind for being unable to really process his surroundings or the people around him - though he always had been aware of _some_ people in his proximity. 

“I’m Alma,” said the woman introduced himself. “I will be your servant for this trip.”

“Alma? That’s not really a Tevinter name,” Anders wondered loudly. “It’s a sounds more like..-”

“- I’m from the Andernfels, originally.”

“The Andernfels? Really?” Anders chuckled in disbelief. “Huh.. You know, I’m from the Andernfels as well.” 

He duly noted that the carriage started moving. 

“I thought you were from Kirkwall.” Alma looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Anders saw how she differed from most elves he’d met so far in Tevinter. Alma held eye contact. And she didn’t seem to be afraid of him.   
_She’s a servant, not a slave._

“That is also true,” he smirked. “I lived in Kirkwall for a few years. Beforehand I lived in a Circle in Fereldan but I was born in the Andernfels. Where exactly are you coming from?” 

“A small village near Hossberg.”

“Me too!” Anders smiled again, a bit excited. It had been a while since he’d met someone from.. Home. “I lived a bit further north.”

“I’m from Elzfeld.”

Anders barked a laugh. “So we’re practically neighbours. Did you, too, used to visit the chantry in Hossberg? Do you by any chance remember sister Marit?”

Alma smiled a small thin smile. “My mum was dalish, when she met my dad she settled own. We didn’t really go to the chantry service, but I do remember her. She used to come to our village and gave my dad a hard time.”

“She was a real bitch.”

“She was. Because of her my dad was barely able to feed us. Spread lies about elves and our gods.. She called us heretics.”

“That _does_ sound like her.” Anders nodded. Over all this years he had been focused on the plight of mages and had easily dismissed the struggle of the elves. He’d believed them not to know any real hardship… how wrong he had been. “That must have been hard for you and your family. I’m sorry.”

“Things are better for me now,” Alma said and shrugged her shoulders. Anders regarded her with a smile. At least not everyone, not every _elf_ , coming to Tevinter ended up in slavery. Before he could ask any further questions, Alma spoke again. 

“So.. you’ve seen quite a lot of Thedas then.”

“I have.” 

“Aigidius’s parties are usually the event of the year. Everybody is talking about it even months after they attended. I’ve accompanied master Danarius several times,” Alma continued, changing the topic once again. 

 

Anders didn’t mind. Any information on the party and their host might help him in the future, so he listened to Alma for the next hour. She went on and on about his trips with the magister, about the people who’d be at the party and their families.. She really knew a great deal about Tevinter society and Anders understood why Danarius had chosen this exact servant to accompany him.. She’d be of great assistance for someone who hadn’t been in Tevinter that long.

***

Anders was glad to be able to move his feet again after hours of riding in the carriage. He’d love to just move around for a bit and stretch his aching legs and Alma had already left to arrae room for tonight in the Inn they had chosen to stay in. However, the prospect of food made the lack of walking bearable. The stable boys were tending to the horses and Anders was able to steal a glance at Fenris, who stood only a short distance away - alone. The elf was watching their surroundings and had taken on a stance Anders had grown accustomed to in Kirkwall. Always ready to fight, to jump at the enemy. But the evening was quiet and peaceful, no one was paying attention to them. Still, Fenris was scanning everyone and everything and Anders couldn’t stop just.. staring at him.

“I got you the biggest suit and ordered some food. We can go sit down now.”

Anders jumped a bit at Alma’s voice. The woman was looking at him with a slightly raised eyebrow, then followed Anders’s previous line of sight. Her face darkened for only a second before she looked back at the mage. 

“Thank you,” Anders said, a bit confused. What was that about? But Alma only nodded and followed him as soon as he started walking towards the Inn. Anders immediately liked it. It wasn’t the Hanged Man, but it had a familiar atmosphere to it - even though everything looked way cleaner than what Anders was used to. Almaand Anders sat down at one table while the guards and servants at another. Fenris remained standing at the door. Anders eyes him for a moment but chose not to comment on it. He _was_ a bodyguard after all so he guessed that he was just doing his job even though every other guard had apparently stopped caring as soon as they saw food. The other guards weren’t slaves, though. And neither were the other servants. It was an odd realization. Maybe Danarius didn’t trust him and his abilities to do well at the party as much as he’d led on to. Alma was clearly skilled when it came to society things and Anders assumed the others might be as well. There was a strange feeling in his stomach when he thought about it.. A feeling similar to the one he had when he just couldn’t figure out how to plough a field just as quick as his father had expected him to. 

To distract himself, he started talking to Alma again. The servant beamed at the opportunity to be of help and to show the mage all she knew about Tevinter’s society once more. And here he sat, the future heir of Danarius, knowing nothing about anything at all. Anders tried to concentrate but after a warm meal he noticed his body growing more and more tired. Stealing a short glance at Fenris again, he stood up, then stopped, uncertain what to do. He _needed_ to talk to Fenris without coming on as too friendly. 

“Alma,” Anders started haltingly. “I’m going to my room now.. When everyone’s finished eating please tell Fenris to eat something as well and then send him to me room.”

Alma only nodded once. Anders tried to get a good look at her face but it was getting a bit dark. Was the odd reaction outside the Inn a mere coincidence or was something wrong? 

“Good night,” the elven woman said and started Anders into motion. 

 

“Good night,” he returned as he finally left for his room, mulling over what he’d say to Fenris to make the following days sound like a plan.

***

Anders woke with a jolt at a sudden burst of noise and light. For a moment, he just sat upright in his bed in shock, not knowing where he was or what was going on, blinded by the light. There was a grunt of pain. _Fenris_. A cold wave of fear washed over the mage. Something was seriously wrong and that something hurt his friend. Already summoning his magic he sprang out of bed.. When everything grew suddenly very still and very dark.

“Fenris?” Anders called. Anxious, shaking and still raw from sleep. When there was no answer, he called a whips for light. 

“ _Shit_ ”

Fenris was lying on the floor, in a pool of blood, next to him a short human woman. None of them moving. Anders rushed to the elf’s side, putting a finger to his neck to check for a pulse. 

“Don’t worry.. Most of it isn’t mine,” Fenris slurred quietly. 

Anders let out a short bark of surprised laughter. Fenris was alive. 

“You should see the other guy, right?” Anders answered in the same line of jokes. Although his still shaking voice betrayed that he didn’t feel much like joking. The woman next to Fenris was staring up to the ceiling with unseeing eyes - there was nothing he could do for her now. Without another thought, Anders scanned his friend for injuries. Fenris only grunted when a nasty gash on his forearm closed. But something was still wrong. There was something in his system..

“Poison,” Anders whispered, once again gripped by a cold wave of panic. He had brought no herbs, nothing to make an antidote from.. 

“It’ll wear off..” The elf rasped before he closed his eyes as if he’d sensed Anders’s fear. Maybe he had. He was very skilled at reading people after all. Once again Anders scanned over Fenris, trying to pinpoint what kind of poison the woman had used.. Some of the tension left his shoulders when he confirmed Fenris’s word. The poison would indeed wear off over time. It wasn’t a strong poison, meant to send someone to sleep for a few hours but nothing more. Odd that someone attacking someone else sleeping in his bedroom would use that kind of stuff.. 

Anders sat back onto his heels and took a much calmer look at the situation. The woman lacked her heart.. So Fenris had obviously relied on his power rather than his broadsword - probably a good decision considering the room wasn’t that big and maneuvering a sword would be difficult. The woman had a belt on her with lots of vials. More poison? A dagger was lying a few feet away from her.. Why had she been in his room? To hurt him, obviously, but why? He was nobody. 

His head throbbing with questions, Anders decided informing his guards was a reasonably first step to deal with that situation. They should take care of the body - or whatever they did here in Tevinter - and make sure there weren’t any other surprised before Fenris woke up. Anders stole one last look at the elf before he got up. If he ignored the blood around him, he looked almost peaceful, just like he was sleeping. With a sigh he adverted his eyes and left the room. 

The first ray of sunlight touched the draped when the guards informed Anders that the woman had might been a crow. So someone send an assassin after him.. But why? The question remained. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe the woman had gotten the wrong door or the wrong person. He was just an apprentice after all. Even if he got killed, it wouldn’t really hurt Danarius. Whatever the motivation behind that whole thing was, Anders felt unsafe in the Inn and decided to leave as soon as possible. He let the guards deal with everything and packed up his stuff.. But when everything was sorted out Fenris was still asleep. There was no way he could ride or sit next to the coachman today. Helpfully, a guard suggested letting the elf recover in one of the carriages when Anders just kept staring at Fenris without moving or giving orders. It made sense and he would have loved to carry the other man into the carriage himself but he thought it too suspicious and he didn’t want people to talk. What master would carry his slave? 

Alma was greeting him with eyes that seemed to be still half asleep. They opened up a bit when Fenris came into sight, though. 

“I was attacked last night. Fortunately Fenris was there to intervene, but he has been injured and poisoned,” Anders explained shortly. 

Alma slowly nodded. Anders hesitated for a moment before he went on. Alma seemed like a nice girl, but this was a chance to be alone with Fenris.. 

“I’m sorry, I need you to travel with the other servants today. I need to keep a closer look on Fenris while he’s recovering.” 

 

“Of course, master Anders,” Alma said in an even voice, but Anders didn’t fail to notice how she pressed his lips in a thin line right after she’d said it. 

“I’m really sorry but I don’t want him to be harmed even further.” Anders knew he didn’t have to apologise in the first place. Alma was his servant and she was to follow the mage’s orders but.. It felt wrong to order people around. Alma forced a small smile on her lips, bowed and left for the other carriage. Taking in a deep breath, Anders opened the door to his own carriage and went inside.

***

The road was rocky. It was a good excuse. A perfect excuse why exactly Anders had sat next to Fenris at one point with his arm over his shoulder to keep him from falling from his seat. It wasn’t his fault the elf’s head had come to rest onto his own shoulder, his breath evenly against the mage’s neck. In fact, being aware of his patients breathing was absolutely necessary and, being on a rocky road, the sound of the wheels was too loud to be able to hear it if they sat too far apart. Still, Anders had had the need to draw the tiny curtains close and summon a whips to illuminate the carriage. At first, his heart had beaten madly in his chest. He was used to Fenris’s presence but this was still kind of intimate. Now, he just felt relaxed and.. Happy. He knew the elf would soon wake up, had felt the poison wearing off when he’d last scanned him.  
So he wasn’t surprised when Fenris began to stir a few minutes later. Neither was he surprised when the elf’s body tensed up as soon as he realised their position.

“Good morning, there,” Anders greeted. It was the exact moment the other man heard his voice that to his surprise, Fenris relaxed. More so, he did seem to lean against him a little. 

“Are you alright?” Fenris asked, his voice a little rough and it gave Anders the most pleasant chill. The question made him chuckle. 

“ _I_ should be the one asking you that.”

“Where there any more assassins?” Fenris went on, ignoring Anders’s remark. 

“I.. No, it was fine. We left soon after.” 

Fenris hummed and for a moment, they just sat in comfortable silence. It was nice, relaxed. More relaxed than they’d ever been. There was no one here to hurt Fenris, they were not in a cell, no one had ordered Fenris to sit with him like that, instead he seemed to have _chosen_ to stay in this position..

“Thank you. I owe you my life.”

“It was my duty. I’m your bodyguard after all.” There was some lightness in his words, even though it was not really a topic to talk lightly about. Anders decided to go along with it anyway. 

“Talking about duty.. Weren’t you supposed to come to me after your meal?” He asked in a playful tone. 

“I stood outside.”

“So you didn’t follow my direct order,” Anders said in mock shock. 

“Your servant told me - and I’m quoting - ‘be a good dog and go to your master’s bedroom when you’re done eating.’ I’m neither a dog nor are you my master and I decided that chasing after Danarius when he told me to keep an eye on you was rather stupid. So I did what my _master_ told me. I didn’t disobey.” Fenris shrugged his shoulders, but there was something in his eyes.. Something Anders had often seen when he had been talking to Hawke or Varric. 

“I never thought you’d be the one searching for loopholes. You are a clever bastard,” he said with a chuckle. 

“You have to get a little creative now and then.”

Anders chuckled at that. Fenris _was_ clever, that was something he’d even admitted back in Kirkwall over a game of Wicked Grace with Hawke. They’d been arguing _wh_ exactly she kept the mage hating asshole around. Clever and a good fighter had she said.. That much he had to begrudgingly admit himself. It felt like he’d had this conversation years ago when in fact it could only be a few months. He saw so much more in Fenris now.. And he felt warm with that realization. 

Fenris straightened next to Anders with a wince. Anders suspected lying on his shoulder might had done something funny to his neck and just when he wanted to ask if he should help with it, if the elf was in any pain, Fenris spoke again. 

“Why am I here in the carriage with you, Anders?” It felt like an odd question. 

“You were hurt.”

“People will talk.”

 

“About what? How I took care of you after you were hurt?”

“I was just unconscious, it was a weak poison.. You’re a healer, you should know that. _They_ certainly know you do. I should have been in the carriage with the servants.” 

“I wanted to keep an eye on you.”

“People will talk. You can.. Call me up to your room at night, but by daylight I’m only your bodyguard.” 

“Well, I _did_ call you up to my bedroom and you remained _outside_.” Anders tried to keep any accusation from his voice. Still, Fenris was silent for a few moments and it left the mage with the urge to apologise immediately.

“Fair point.. But still.. You have to be careful, Anders. Danarius likes you but he can get jealous,” Fenris finally said. 

Now it was Anders who was quiet for a moment, thinking about what to say next. 

“I enjoy spending time with you,” he murmured eventually. “When you’re like this especially.”

“Unconscious?” Again, playful. 

“No,” Anders laughed. “When you are _you_.” 

Fenris snorted. “And you think you know who I am?”

“I do. I’ve known you for years. I know things had been different before we came here but.. Don’t pretend that I’m a stranger to you. I know your weaknesses as I know your strengths. You are a good man, Fenris. That’s why I was horrified to learn you asked Danarius to erase your memories. I don’t want to lose you. _This_ you.”

“Maybe I do.” It was more like a whisper and perhaps if there hadn’t been so much pain to those words, Anders wouldn’t had found the courage to reach for the other man’s hand. Fenris didn’t flinch or tried to pulls away.. 

“Why?” Anders asked as he squeezed the elf’s hand lightly. 

“I’m a slave. Not a person.”

“You are _not_ a slave. Right now, right here, you’re not a slave. You’re a prisoner and I promise to get you out of here.” 

Fenris gave him a sad little smile. “It’s a nice dream. I’m not sure I can go back. I’m not sure I want to. I forgot..” Fenris trailed off, shaking his head. 

“What is i?” 

But for a long moment, the elf remained quiet. 

“It feels right to be with Danarius. In a strange way. I… my body.. For the first time in years..” he huffed. “This is difficult.”

“Take your time,” Anders encouraged. Fenris shook his head angrily. 

“I’ve been in pain for years. Since I’d left Danarius’s side.. No matter what I did, it hurt. I tried alcohol and at first it did something to numb the pain but at one point, it didn’t matter how much I drank. Some days, I’d wake up and couldn’t move. Then I’d throw up on the carpet because the pain was.. Overwhelming. And it got worse and worse the longer I stayed away.. There was nothing I could do.”

For a moment, his hand twitched in Anders’s but still, he didn’t pull away. 

“The moment Danarius forgave me, the pain stopped. As if my body remembered its place.. And I.. after the markings.. When I lost my memories.. It was so easy to be a slave. I don’t know hot it was before but I hope.. It’s sometimes hard to remember what it’s like to be free. But I don’t want the pain.”

White hot angers burnt in Anders’s chest as he listened to Fenris’s words. According to how quick the elf averted his eyes, he didn’t do a good job at hiding it. 

“Your body doesn’t belong to anyone but you. The pain didn’t ease because your body wants to be near Danarius or because it’s its place. It’s a spell.”

“A.. spell?” Fenris’s eyes stayed fixed on the floor, a frown on his face. 

“Yes! He told me about it. Apparently.. It’s meant to remind you of him when he’s not with you. Sick bastard.” 

Yes. That’s what the magister was. A sick psychopath, nothing more. It was easier to see it like this now he was far away. 

“I don’t understand..,” Fenris mumbled. “I was never meant to be far away from him.”

“Maybe he knew you would try to get away from him someday.”

“No.” Fenris shook his head. “I was devoted to him. I’d never even thought about it. I was a slave, it was my place.”

“I like that.”

“What?” Fenris looked at him in sudden confusion.

“I _was_ his slave. It _was_ my place. It’s in the past. We will find something to reverse the spell and we’re not going back,” Anders firmly said. They’d run. He’d do everything to get Fenris away from Tevinter as far as possible. If he had to throw him over his shoulder and run so be it. 

“There’s no running from Danarius.”

“Trust me, there is.”

“Why do you.. We’d both be fugitives.” Fenris sounded tired. 

“But free.”

“That’s what I thought the last time I ran and see where it got me.”

 

“I don’t know. You’re sitting next to a very handsome mage in an expensive carriage.”

Fenris snorted. “You have the worst timing for jokes, do you know that?”

“I do. I’m serious about the whole thing, though.”

“Maybe your first purchase as Danarius’s heir should be a better mirror.”

“Well, that was hurtful,” Anders said as he touched his chest and gave Fenris fake look of disappointment at which the elf again snorted. “But I meant I was serious about running. I don’t care if they hunt us. Next time, we’ll be prepared.”

Anders saw Fenris opening his mouth to answer.. The elf didn’t get the chance, though. With a hard yank of the carriage, he was slammed against the mage. Anders felt the air rush out of his lungs with the sudden impact.

“What the..-” he wheezed confused, but the door was already pulled open by a glowing Fenris. There was a lot of noise outside.. Anders magic instinctively knew it was needed, already fizzling at his fingertips as the mage followed through the door. They had taken smaller roads instead of the main roads to avoid possible attacks from the qunari.. They were always painted the greatest threat of all and yet Anders counted a dozen men - _human_ men - in simple armour. With a shout, Anders threw the first fireball as one of them drew closer to him. The guards were already fighting, but they were clearly outnumbered. Without Fenris.. They’d been clearly lost. The elf tore through their attackers with brutal strength, using his sword and lyrium alike. 

One of the guards cried out in pain as he was struck by a sword and Anders stopped thinking and went into pure fighting modus. It was harder without Justice, he had relied on the spirit’s powers a lot lately when it came to battle. But Anders had fought before hosting a spirit. He didn’t need him.. And somehow, that felt liberating. Even though he was quickly tiring, Anders threw fireball after fireball, froze men on the spot so Fenris could shatter them with his sword. They were a team and Andes only recognised the guards when he was scanning them for injuries. 

Once the last of their attackers fell, Anders looked at Fenris. They were both breathing heavily but otherwise fine. Which seemed odd considering the elf had been the one doing most of the fighting. It wasn’t like his guards were untrained.. - maybe he’d just been lucky. 

It was then that Anders noticed the servants cowering next to the second carriage. It had been thrown over assumingly when they got first attacked. 

“Everyone alright?” Anders asked. He was glad when everyone nodded and a quick look at them indeed showed nothing but bruises. Without any order, the guards promptly started working on getting the carriage back to its wheels. Looking at them it seemed like everyday business.. And maybe it was. 

“Why do you think they attacked us?” Anders asked when he sensed Fenris stepping next to him. 

“Maybe they thought we had something they could sell on the market,” Fenris stated cautiously. “It’s an odd coincidence you got attacked two times in one day, though. Don’t you think?“

Anders didn’t answer, lost in thought. The attack last night surely wasn’t a coincidence. The attack on the road? Well.. he was known for having bad luck. They both watched in silence as the carriage was set back on the road with a creaking sound. 

“You should call Alma over, I will sit with the coachman.”

“What, why? Do you think there could be another attack?” Anders wasn’t willing to let go of the thought of driving the rest of the way with Fenris. 

“There might be. But more importantly.. Everyone saw I’m well enough to fight. My place isn’t with you on this trip.”

“I’m sure Alma won’t mind,” the mage argued lamely. But Fenris only bowed and walked away.


	15. Chapter 15

Anders sat at a desk in another Inn that evening, the room illuminated by only one tiny candle. It felt strangely like home, just sitting here. So many nights he’d spent over a desk in Darktown, writing on his manifesto, Justice a constant nagging presence in his head.   
It was quiet now. A bit lonely maybe when just a short time ago, he’d spent hours in the company of Fenris and then.. Alma. This was only the second day and it already felt like he’d been on the road forever. No matter how much he enjoyed the woman’s company, it got tiring to listen to all the things he was supposed to know and consider about Aigidius’s great party. Alma had warmed to him some more, had even called it the highlight of ‘Tevinter’s bored high society’ with a grin, agreeing with Anders that one could only attend to so many parties before it got an exhausting obligation. Apparently, Aigidius’s parties were still known to be never boring, somehow different, and everyone was looking forward to it. Why, Alma didn’t really know. Of course there would be a big feast, dancing, a show.. and body slaves. The mere thought of the latter had Anders shuddering. Mocking some kind of Orlesian fashion, everyone would be handed a mask at the entrance of the rooms where the those slaves would be. The mage didn’t even want to try to imagine what these poor men and women were supposed to go through under the cloak of anonymity. 

Memories of the days he’d spend with Fenris in the dark cellar kept invading his mind. He wished he could rescue all of those poor men and women suffering at the hands of the magisters… but right now, his priority was to get Fenris away from them as soon as possible. 

 

There was a tiny knock on the door, the only warning Anders got before the man he’d just been thinking about - was in fact thinking about most of the day - stepped inside. 

“Hi,” he greeted the elf with a small smile. 

“Hi,” Fenris replied, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Why.. are you sitting in the dark?” 

Anders pointed at the tiny candle on the desk. “Not dark.”

“I’m sure the candle will keep all the assassins lurking in the shadows blinded with its light.”

“Well, you’re here now so I’m safe.” 

“I’m looking forward to getting poisoned once again in your place.” 

 

At that, Anders winced, though the smirk on Fenris’s face quickly warmed the cold jolt that had went through his body at the feared accusation.   
“You can be a real dick sometimes,” he chuckled, which did nothing to pull the smirk from the elf’s face. 

“You apparently bring that out in me.”

Anders gasped in exasperation, but he couldn’t stop smiling. A small part of him had feared that Fenris would evade coming to his room again as long as he was awake. 

“Thank you for coming,” he said.

Fenris only shrugged. “I told you I would come. Although the way your servant talked to me didn’t really make it hard to find loopholes.. Again.”

Anders frowned. Alma was a nice girl, why was she being so hostile towards Fenris?   
“That’s… odd. I’m really sorry she’s treating you like that. She’s actually really nice when we’re talking.”

“Of course she is. You _are_ her master,” Fenris snorted. 

“She’s not a slave.”

“Still.”

“Maybe.. But I don’t think that’s why she’s nice to me. It seems.. genuine. Do you.. have some sort of history with her?”

It was subtly, the change in Fenris’s face. Anders wasn’t sure anyone who didn’t knew the elf quiet so well would have noticed it. The thin line between his eyes that was only there for a second, the way his jaw tightened just a bit.. something was wrong. 

“Of course it has to be my fault,” Fenris drawled. “I’m hard to like. You know that from your own experience.”

Anders mouth twitched into a tiny smile, deciding to go for humour to lighten up whatever was going on inside of Fenris. “If you’re hinting at Kirkwall, I guess the feeling was mutual. We pretty much hated each other.”

Fenris’s face made a little scrunch. “I.. I never.. uh.. nevermind.”

 

“You never what?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Fenris said, though his face said something different. He looked.. vulnerable. For only a moment, before it was gone again and the mage wasn’t sure he’d imagined the whole thing. 

“It does. Please tell me.” Anders got up from his chair to followed the urge to take a step closer to Fenris. He felt like he needed to reach out, reassure him that it was okay, whatever ‘it’ was. Before him, the elf was a constant wall of silence. Anders knew better than to push any further, so he just stood there and waited. Waited until Fenris started twitching. 

“I just never.. did,” he breathed out angrily after a long time.

“What?”

Fenris rolled his eyes impatiently. “Hate you. I never hated you. So yes, I am the one hard to like because you clearly hated _me_.”

“You never.. What.. but.. Why did you..? “ Anders swallowed, confused and unsure what to do with that information and the raw hurt he hadn’t expected to hear in Fenris’s voice. Not when it was something considering their past. 

“Why did I act like a.. how did you put it? Like a dick?” Fenris snapped, his fists clenched tight at his sides. Still surprised by the other man’s intensity, Anders admonished himself to stay calm. 

“Kind of, yes. I mean, it’s not like I’ve been exactly nice to you and it really doesn’t matter to me now. I’ve seen a different side of you and I _feel_ different about you. But.. if you didn’t hate me then,why did you treat me like that?”

Something about what he’d said seemed to calm Fenris a bit. He took a deep breath, relaxing his fists again that had already started to shake under the tension. 

“It was safe.”

“I’m sorry?”

Another breath, this one left the elf in an angry rush, though. So much for calm, then. 

“It was safe. You were not allowed to hurt me. You were the first mage I ever dared to talk back to. I killed some before, but I never.. I mean, I’ve killed mages at the wish of Danarius before. But I was _never_ allowed to talk to them the way I talked to you. And you weren’t allowed to hurt me. Not with Hawke around, that is. I could say things Danarius would have me flogged for. Or worse. You could _not_ hurt me.”

Anders just stared at him. He needed some time to process what he’d just heard.. He had no idea how he felt about it. All those years they’d been at each other’s throat.. and why? So Fenris could blow some steam? Was that all it had been about? The silence stretched on and Fenris grew suddenly restless. 

“Please say something.” It was just a tiny whisper. Anders eyes shot up at the elf. 

“I don’t know what to say.” He really didn’t. He’d always thought Fenris hated him because he was a mage and what he said didn’t make that any less true. Yet it was completely different. 

“You didn’t deserve any of it. But I.. I _needed_ it.. you. First I simply tried to.. Figure out your limits. Proof to myself that all mages were evil… That you would hurt me sooner or later, maybe just waiting for the moment Hawke wasn’t watching. Sometimes, the things I said to you weren’t even meant for you. I.. imagined spitting the words into Danarius’s face. Or Hadriana’s. I knew I’d never be able to say to things to them without consequences. But you.. never hurt me. Not beyond words. No matter what I said to you.”

Anders hadn’t been aware he’d been moving, but somehow he found himself right in front of the other man, his hand on the elf’s cheek and Fenris.. didn’t flinch. So they just stood there with Anders’s thumb slowly stroking the elf’s skin. It felt warm and right and the mage could have lost himself in the sensation. He’d always been someone who’d yearn for physical contact during heavy conversations. It calmed him.. And right now, it seemed to have the same effect on Fenris. Anders could practically feel how his racing pulse came somewhat closer to a normal heartbeat under his fingers. 

“I would never hurt you,” he said with conviction. 

“I know. But I.. when we came to Tevinter, I thought you’d change.”

“Did I?”

“No. You’re still as infuriating as ever.”

Anders chuckled. “Well that’s comforting. But I’m glad you see it that way. That I didn’t change, I mean.”

There was a shy smile on Fenris’s lips for a moment that faded way too quick for Anders’s liking. “Danarius thinks about you differently, though.”

“I don’t care what he thinks about me.” It was only half a lie. Suddenly, Fenris pulled away, leaving Anders’s finger cold. 

“When I was first brought to Danarius, he read my mind. He found great joy in the fact that I.. kind of liked someone who so obviously hated me. He promised me that you’d hurt me now you were far away from the influence of Hawke. That you would even enjoy doing it. That you would make me suffer for the way I talked to you. Sooner or later. It would be my final punishment.”

Anders froze. Danarius had more than hinted at the fact that the healer would enjoy hurting the elf and never had he done or said anything to change that. It didn’t seem important or dangerous even to correct the magister, but Anders never guessed that he was supposed to be a tool in the this cruel play..

“He wanted to look at my face afterwards. He wanted me to know that I deserved nothing else. That you would never look at me any different than _he_ did. That I should be grateful for the attention he granted me..”

The words cut through Anders like the cold steel of a knife.

“Fenris.. I had no idea..I-”

“I believed him,” the elf interrupted silently. “And I tried to accept my place once again. I begged him to erase my memory after you.. after..”

“The night you came to my room.” Anders stared at him. The image of Fenris flashed before eyes. The desperation, the pain in his eyes, when he’d pleaded with him. “But why.. You begged me not to.. You know..”

“Because everything inside me wanted Danarius to be wrong.” Fenris’s eyes met his and there was so much desperation in them once again that it stole Anders’s breath for a moment. 

“He was. I’d never.. Not like.. like _this_!”

“You keep saying that.” Fenris voice broke on the sharpness of those words. 

“Because it’s true.” Anders took a careful step towards him again, having rarely seen the elf that distressed and frightened. All he wanted in that very moment, was to comfort him. To take some of the weight of his shoulders.

Fenris didn’t move when Anders moved closer, but the mage didn’t dare to touch him that time. 

“But I don’t know what.. What does that even mean?”

“It means that I’d never do anything against your will. I’d never do anything you wouldn’t want.”

Fenris snorted. “And what is it you want?”

“What do you mean?” His own voice sounded strange in his ears. He was painfully aware of what he wanted right now. More so than he’d ever been before, than he’d ever dared to think about. 

“Nothing,” Fenris whispered. His hands once again relaxed, hanging lax at his sides. He looked.. defeated as he strode past Anders towards the window and peered outside. Anders stared at him, dumbstruck. 

“You should get some rest now, I’ll make sure there won’t be any disturbances this time.” 

“What? No. I’m not done talking. Remember? I promised to get you - “

“ _I_ am done talking for tonight. Now go to sleep.”

Anders mouth shut with a click of his teeth. He wanted to say something, wanted to ask all the questions tumbling around inside his mind. Instead, he just watched Fenris standing by the window. 

“Go to sleep, mage.” The words were without heat and, mechanical, Anders complied. He pulled off his boots and sat down on his bed. 

_What is it you want?_

He lay down and covered himself with a blanked. He should just think about something else. Take his mind off what had just happened.

_What is it you want?_

He closed his eyes. The words burnt inside his ears, on his tongue. No, he couldn’t just let it go, not like this. 

“What is it you want?” he repeated Fenris’s questions to make it stop echoing in his mind. 

At first, he thought the elf might hadn’t heard him or had decided not to react at all. He was hyper aware of the other man’s presence, but there was no movement, no sound from near the window at all. He tried to be still as even his breathing seemed to scream into the silence of the room.

“Get some sleep.” 

“Fenris..”

“Not tonight, Anders.” It sounded more like a plea.

_It means that I’d never do anything against your will._

He wouldn’t push Fenris for answers he wasn’t ready to give.

***

“Tell Fenris to get into the carriage with the servants. I want him to sleep for a while. I need him awake and alert in the evening to watch out when _I_ sleep.” It sounded convincing to him and the guard immediately went to his task after a short nod.

Alma on the other hand gave him a pointed look. 

“What?”

“There was an attack just yesterday while we were on the road and you send your bodyguard off to get some sleep?”

“Well, he didn’t sleep last night. That’s not healthy.”

Alma scoffed. “You know what else isn’t healthy? Having lyrium under your skin. Seriously, he’s had worse. Danarius had once kept him awake for four days and he was fine.”

“Four days?” Anders just stared at her. He remembered staying awake for two days when he was on the run. How blurry everything went with each ongoing hour, how thinking got harder with each second. The lack of sleep had been visible on Fenris’s face this morning as well, no matter how hard he tried not to show it, how hard he tried to suppress any yawn.

“Yes, just so you know about his limits. He’s here for your safety, not to have a good night rest.” Alma shrugged her shoulders as she sat down in the carriage right after Anders. 

“I still want him to be healthy.”

“You’re being soft on him. Don’t.. make the same mistake Danarius made.”

This wasn’t the first time Anders had heard these words. It made the hair on his neck stand on end. Danarius being soft on Fenris. He knew the magister had a kinder side, he highly doubted that Fenris had seen that side, though. 

“I don’t understand. I thought Danarius kept him awake for four days. How’s that being soft.” He was kind of snappy. 

“It was necessary.” Alma only shrugged her shoulders again. “He’s a slave, Anders. He knows his place. And you should, too.” 

Anders sighed, swallowing down anger that would otherwise threaten to spill into the woman’s face. This was not the right way to solve this, he needed to stay calm. 

“Alma.. I feel like there is some animosity between you and Fenris. I wonder.. why? Did something happen? Did he do something to you?”

_Because clearly_ I _am the one hard to like._

Alma looked at him for a second, uncertainty suddenly written on her face. “He’s didn’t.”

“But there is something wrong,” Anders pressed on.

“I.. you see.. - “ Alma sighed. “This is not something I should discuss with you..”

Anders gave her a small smile. “I don’t see why not. I’ve told you a lot about myself, haven’t I?”

“I told you sister Marit gave my father a hard time back in Elzfeld.. so.. when I came to Tevinter, it wasn’t as a servant. I was a slave.”

“Oh, Alma, I’m so sorry.”

Alma shook her head. “It was my choice. I sold myself so my family would have enough money to make it through the winter. It was that or death anyway. “

“Do you.. I mean.. Did they…?”

“Yes,” Alma smiled. “They are still alive. I often send them money, it’s still not easy for them.” 

“I’m glad they made it.”

“Anyway.. When I came here, I didn’t really know Fenris. I was mostly working in the kitchen, he on the fields. I first heard from him when he won this tournament. But he became this constant presence at Danarius’s side, his precious pet.” There was a lot of bitterness to those last words. “And when he ran, the master - Danarius - was devastated. And defenseless. He hired bodyguards but one day, an assassin nearly got to him after killing them. I was there to serve dinner, and I threw myself in his way. I almost died.. But when I didn’t, Danarius was gracious and as a reward, he freed me. I became his servant. I learned to read, even spied for him. He trusted me and we even talked about me undergoing the lyrium experiment..”

Anders shuddered at that. Alma clearly didn’t know what Fenris had suffered. How painful it had been and how he had lost all his memories. Or.. maybe Alma was just that loyal to Danarius.

“But then.. Fenris came back. And I’m reading letters in a different room now, not in his office, and only talk to Danarius every few days. He’s obsessed with this.. man.”

Anders wasn’t sure what to say. Alma had come from nothing and worked herself to the top of Danarius’s list, risking her life. Of course she was upset with Fenris’s return and the magister casting her away once more.

“I’m sorry,” he said, although he felt torn. He _was_ sorry for what had happened to Alma - starting from being forced to sell herself into slavery for the sake of her family- but.. He also felt the need to protect his friend. It wasn’t Fenris fault Danarius was treating him like that. If it had been up to him, he’d never come back to Tevinter.. But he felt that Alma wasn’t open to that kind of truth.

Alma only shrugged again. “It’s his fault, not yours.”

Anders winched and immediately fought the urge to snap at the other elf. It wasn’t Fenris fault at all. How would someone who’d gone through the same thing, who knows what it was like to be a slave accuse him like that?  
He longed to say something in Fenris’s defense, but.. What good would it do? So he only nodded.

“Well, just please don’t give him a hard time while we’re on this trip. With what has happened so far I need him able to concentrate.”

_Only a few more days and we’ll be out of here._

The carriage started moving and the noise of the wheels replaced the silence Alma provided. Anders decided not to push and started looking outside the window. Just when the Inn was too far away to be seen the elf spoke again. 

“Alright. If that is was you wish of me.”

“I do,” Anders said as he tried to put a convincing smile on his face. He wanted Alma to understand, to stop being mean to Fenris because he wasn’t at fault.. But her following his order might be the only thing he was going to get in this case. 

_Only a few more days and we’ll be out of here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the lack of updates, but.. well.. 2016, right? Do I need to say more? I'm not sure if anyone's still interested in this story but I'll keep trying to write it even if my life is doing everything to keep me from doing it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> at least this time it took me less then two months to update! yay? thank you all for the nice comments and kudos! it really makes writing a lot easier. it's good to know that some people are still interested in this story :)

Anders woke up with a start. He didn’t remember much of the dream he’d had, but the image of Danarius looking at him with hurt and disappointment in his eyes was still vivid. After they’d arrived their final destination, he’d fallen asleep as soon as his head had touched his pillow in one of Aigiduis’s generous guest room. There’d been no further interruptions, but Alma had been awfully quiet without being prompted to talk. Anders understood why she was hurt, he really did. There was a part of him that wished for Danarius’s praise as well. Although he hated to admit it the more he learned about how the man treated Fenris. If he hadn’t been a Tevinter magister, Danarius might have been his mentor and a great help freeing mages all over Thedas.. but not under this circumstances. Not if it meant sacrificing Fenris. 

He had no idea how to make Justice understand that he would miss that opportunity of possibly helping all the mages in In Thedas in favour of saving one person. Never before had Anders put anyone before their cause, had even neglected his own needs and health to help others. The spirit would surely be furious, maybe rightfully so. It still felt right. 

_This is what I want._

What would happen to Alma when they fled? Would she return to Danarius’s side as his old and new favourite? Anders liked the thought of her being happy again. Even if it meant sending her back to Danarius, the man who’d enslaved her. She was free now, right? She wanted this. But then.. Fenris hadn’t been really fond of the idea of leaving either. 

Anders sighed and sat up on his bed, already light began leaking into the room at the rim of the thick curtains. With a silent groan, nders moved to pull them away to signal his body that the night was indeed over.  
He should talk to Fenris. Tell him about the plan. Even if it still wasn’t much of a plan, but Anders was confident they’d find a way to leave this place behind. There would be a ship to take them on board. He was not a prisoner fleeing his captor after all. Tomorrow, he’d officially be Danarius’s heir, he could do whatever he wanted. 

Should he try to convince Alma to come with them? Anders considered it for a while longer but decided with a heavy heart that it was too much of a risk. Looking out of the window, Anders thought about the other people he’d crossed path with in Tevinter. The slaves, the boy he’d healed at Danarius’s party and his mother, _Cato_.. there was no way he could save them all, some of them might not even wanted or needed saving. Cato would be an apostate in the rest of Thedas.. Anders imagined the nervous man ending up in one of the Circles and shivered. He surely wouldn’t last long there. Anders wished he’d had the chance to talk to the other mage once more before he’d left, but he knew dwelling on that didn’t make sense. So instead, he got up from his bed and dressed. He needed to concentrate on the next step which would be talking to Fenris before the party started. Guessing from the light shining through his window, he still had a good few hours left before he needed to dress properly and switch into a representable form of himself. Alma had told him that there was no need to introduce himself to Aigidius before the party started as he used to greet his guests only _after_ he’d made his own entrance. It felt a bit odd to Anders to live in someone’s house without even saying hello but right now, it meant less time wasting on smalltalk and more time talking to Fenris. 

If he could find him, that was.

Anders knew that Alma’s room was just down the hall - as his servant, she should be aware of his bodyguard’s whereabouts. Determined, he started at the door but as soon as he opened it, it became clear that he didn’t have to look any further. 

“Fenris?” The surprise clear in his voice. “Why are you standing in front of my door?”

 

“I’m your bodyguard.”

Anders stared at him dumbstruck. “Did you spend the night standing in front of this door?” 

_While he himself had slept in a comfy bed._

Fenris nodded. “Of course.”

“But.. we’ve reached our destination. I’m safe now. Don’t you think it’s time to get some rest yourself?”

Fenris turned his head both ways before he looked at Anders’s feet. “I suggest we take this inside.”

Anders shrugged and made room for Fenris to enter. Talking to him in privacy had been his plan after all. Why it was important to talk about the elf’s sleeping arrangements in the privacy of his room was beyond him, though. 

“You look tired,” he noticed. The dark circles under the elf’s eyes were really prominent in his face. Hadn’t he slept in the carriage yesterday? 

“Just because we’re here, doesn’t mean you’re safe. We’re still in Tevinter and we still don’t know who sent an assassin after you.”

“I’m sure it was just a mistake. Why would anyone be after me just yet? No one knows that I’m going to be Danarius’s heir.”

“Well, looks like someone does. Or someone has a different reason to hurt you. We were attacked twice, mage. It wasn’t a mistake.”

Anders sighed. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. We won’t be staying in Tevinter much longer. Remember?”

Fenris didn’t answer. 

“Look.. while we’re here, it’ll be easy to vanish at some point.”

“Vanish? We’re in Tevinter. Everyone is watching everyone. You can’t just.. vanish.”

“I don’t think anyone would be suspicious if I took a little stroll through the town accompanied by my bodyguard, right?”

“Every other magister would at least take one servant on a trip like that and well.. the way you’ve been treating me, people _would_ surely be suspicious if it’s just me.”

“What?”

“You’re too kind, Anders. You let me sleep in the carriage while we were on a dangerous road. You speak to me the same way you speak to other people. We’ve talked about this.”

Anders wasn’t sure what to think. He still didn’t want to treat Fenris like a slave, but he knew the elf had a point. Alma had already chided him for the exact same thing.

“Alright,” he sighed. “So.. what am I supposed to do?”

“Forget that we are.. _friends_ ,” the word was spoken carefully, almost like a question, “I’m your bodyguard, your slave. Imagine our time in Kirkwall. Best treat me like that.”

“I’ll try.” Anders smirked, remembering the sour looks and snide remarks he’d exchanged with Fenris back then. 

“There’ll also.. There’s a certain way slaves like me are treated at these parties.” Anders looked at him questioning and Fenris sighed. “ _Favoured_ slaves and.. experiments. As I am both.. Danarius used to show me off a lot. Let’s my activate my lyrium. He also.. lend me to some of his friends.”

“No way.”

“Anders…”

“No. No way. I will not let you go through this.”

“I can take it. If you want to follow through with your escape plan, this is the best way. They’ll know I’m just your slave afterwards. No one would suspect you’re trying to save me.”

 

“No.”

Fenris glared at him. “You’re being unreasonable. I’m not made of glass.”

“I will not argue this one with you, Fenris. I simply will not do this. The end.”

Fenris looked like he wanted to say some more, but was interrupted when someone knocked at the door. Anders, not wanting to hear any more of this, welcomed the distraction.

“Come in,” he called. 

A tired looking Alma opened the door and entered. 

“Hello, Alma.” Anders smiled at her, but the smile wasn’t returned as the woman took in the situation before her and gave Fenris a dirty look. 

Anders felt hit by a hot wave. He had to remind himself with a lot of effort what Alma had told him, otherwise he might have lost his patience in this moment and snap at her.

“I’ve arranged for your luggage to be brought to your room in a bit. The party is going to start in a few hours and it might be wise to start preparing.”

“Preparing?”

 

“She means you should take a bath first and then put on some more official robes, master,” Fenris chimed in, only to earn another dirty look from Alma. Anders bit his tongue. 

“Already? It’s still.. early.” 

Alma smiled at him. “I will put out your formal attire and help you dress once you’re finished with your bath,” she said, repeating what Fenris had said as if he hadn’t spoken at all. Anders noticed the elf look down from the corner of his eyes. 

“Thank you, Alma, but that’s not necessary. Helping me to dress, I mean. You should get some rest as long as you can, it’s probably going to be a long night.”

“But you can’t put in on all by yourse-”

“Fenris can help me, thank you.” Anders gave her a thin smile. He knew it wasn’t quite fair to cast her away like that, but he had his fill of her hatred towards Fenris for today. 

Alma hesitated for a moment, clearly not wanting to let Fenris do something she thought her responsibility. In the end, he gave it.“If you need me, I’m in my room. Putting on those robes isn’t easy.”

“I’m sure we’ll manage. Thank you, Alma, really. Now go get some sleep, I need you at your best tonight,” Anders said, trying to take the edge off his words. It earned him a smile, at least, before the elven woman left the room. 

“Guess she really doesn’t like me,” Fenris said after the door had been closed with a tiny click. 

“She’s just jealous.”

“Jealous?” Fenris snorted. 

Anders bit the inside of his cheeks. Hearing Fenris snort was still something he had to get used to. “You laugh, but it’s actually true. She was Danarius’s favourite servant when you were away.”

“Well, she can be his favourite again once we’ve left Tevinter.” The words were spoken with some kind of conviction and Anders smiled at Fenris, feeling for a moment like his chest was going to explode. 

“What?” Fenris looked at him suspiciously. The feeling must have shown on his face. 

“It’s just..” _it’s the first time you said we would leave Tevinter. On your own, without arguing._ “Nothing.”

Fenris shrugged his shoulders. “You should take this bath, I will wait for your luggage.”

“I can wait with you.”

“Anders, I’m trying to get rid of you here. Your smell, I mean.”

“Well, days on the road didn’t help your odor either. Maybe you should accompany me,” Anders quipped. 

“Maybe I should.” Fenris grinned at him and Anders felt his heart skip a beat. He had meant it as a joke, but the actual thought of Fenris taking a bath with him… it wouldn’t be the first time, but… things had changed. Right? Still, Anders felt his mouth run dry. 

“Alright,” he croaked, which made Fenris grin even wider. 

“Alright,” the elf agreed, already heading for the adjoining bathroom. Anders wasn’t sure if the other man was swaying his hips or if he was imagining things, but he followed, feeling a bit like in trance. They’d bathed together before, right? Absolutely nothing weird about that.

***

Anders was standing in front of Fenris, who was fumbling with his robes. He’d tried very hard not to stare while the elf was getting all wet and.. clean. Because that’s all it had been about. Getting clean and ready for the big party. He was still feeling a bit dizzy, though.

The bathroom included a small pool-like bathtub with steaming water. Big enough for four people. It had come to a relief to Anders, that there was enough room for the two of them to bath without getting too close to each other. Not that he minded being close to Fenris it just.. felt a bit inappropriate. Still, there had been a lot of innocent touching when they’d washed each other’s backs and hair. And though it had really been strictly about those tasks, it had felt intimate. Fenris had been relaxed and trusting under Anders’s hands. It had given the mage some time to marvel at the elf’s beauty, to study the way his eyes had closed while he enjoyed a light head massage, how the contrast between his lyrium brands and his skin felt, and how different and dark his skin looked against Anders’s own. 

Now, Fenris was dressed and helping him to put on his robes. It was weird not to see him in his usual armour, but a simple silvery grey tunic and black pants. Weapons were strictly forbidden tonight, so him being unarmed actually added to this somewhat softer look. Although Anders knew Fenris would wear a hidden dagger as a precaution. Everyone would do that, as the elf had explained to him earlier. 

Strange. In Kirkwall, Anders would have never described Fenris as soft. Aggressive, cold, and wild, maybe.. but he’d come to see a different side of him. It didn’t exactly replace the attributes he’d described him with in the past, but it instead added another layer to the person that he was. 

Fenris, the slave who’d had his past ripped from him. His family. Fenris, who’d always had been loyal to Hawke.. and to Anders, if he was being honest with himself. Even though some times he was rude and abrasive to the both of them. Fenris, who’d needed him in Kirkwall to learn how speak up against a mage, a magister. Even it had been no use to him after they’d been captured. Fenris, who was scared and had every right be. Who’d find his hatred a necessity in order to survive. Fenris, who know chuckled at Anders’s jokes and made his heart beat faster when he smiled. This was the man Anders wanted free and safe above all.

Anders sighed. There was no denying the feeling he’d developed for the other man. 

“What’s wrong?” Fenris asked, his hands stilling momentarily. 

“Nothing.”

Fenris locked eyes with the mage in the mirror and Anders tried to give him a convincing smile. He wished he could just talk to him, tell him how he felt.. but even though Fenris had surprised him with his confession that he’d never hated him, he knew that being a mage would probably still be a dealbreaker for anything romance related. Also, after everything Fenris had been through, Anders wasn’t sure he was in for romance at all. With a man, no less.  
But if friendship was all there was, he’d gladly take that. 

Fenris was still staring at him in the mirror. 

“Just.. a bit nervous about tonight.”

 

“You always claim to be charming, so I guess there won’t be a problem.”

Anders barked a laugh in surprise. “I _claim_ to be charming? I’m sorry, I’m sure you know me long enough to recognise it as a _fact_.”

Fenris only arched an eyebrow at him and this time, Anders smiled in earnest. 

“I wouldn’t know. I’m clearly the muscle of this operation,” the elf said eventually. 

“Come on, Fenris, I can’t be the face _and_ the brain.”

Fenris snorted, a sound so unfamiliar and yet so pleasing to Anders’s ears, that it made him smile. It would surely become one of his favourite sounds in no time. 

“Maybe we can come to the agreement that we’re both the face.” Anders locked eyes with Fenris who held it. It made the mage’s stomach flutter. “Less work for me.”

“Maybe,” Fenris agreed as he went back to arranging Anders’s robes. Anders only smiled in response, happy that Fenris had accepted his subtle compliment. 

“Almost done.” 

A new kind of nervousness settled in Anders’s stomach. Tonight would be the night it all started. He’d get to know new mages, magisters, and intended to leave a good impression so no one would be suspicious about his intentions. Then, tomorrow or the day after, they’d leave to a new life - or, their old lives.  
“Are you ready?” Fenris asked. “I’m sure Alma will be here every minute now.”

Anders nodded. He was more than ready.

***

If Anders would have to describe the ballroom with one word, it would be breathtaking. Never before had he walked a hall that old and simultaneously in such a good state.. It was clear that Aigidius had spared no expenses for tonight’s party. Long white transparent cloths hung from the high ceiling, small lights dancing between them which were adding to the magical atmosphere in the room. Several golden tables and comfy chairs invited the guests to lounge. Anders’s eyes wandered over the big flower bouquets decorating the tables. The flowers were excotic and rare, some of them, Anders had never seen before. Maybe there only grew in Tevinter, but he didn’t dare to ask. It would once again draw attention to the fact that he hadn’t been born in Tevinter. Something that had already been made clear at his entrance. ‘Anders from the Andernfels” would have done enough to come the most discussed topic of tonight. But once he’d been declared Danarius’s heir.. Well, the chatter had almost drowned out the introduction of the next guest.  
Now, he few hours later, it had at least died down to a whisper everywhere he went.

“This is magister Ismene,” Alma whispered in his ear as the passed a woman in her late forties. Anders nodded in her vague direction with a polite smile. Alma had been his source of information for the whole evening and Anders was glad she was there with him. Fenris walked a few steps behind him, being his bodyguard and not his companion. Anders had to remind himself constantly not to turn back to the elf. Reassuring himself of the presence of his bodyguard too much could be easily seen as nervousness and weakness.. and Anders needed desperately to prevent people from catching on anything they might consider worthy of being watched even more closely. 

“Magister Pius.” The name was whispered in his ear as a man with slightly grey hair approached him. Anders nodded at him, unsure if the man would pass or actually talk to him. 

“Anders, I’m glad we finally meet. Danarius has spoken of you a lot.” 

“Only good things, I hope.” He on the other hand had never heard of this man. Though with the way his mind had often wandered in Danarius’s mansion, he wasn’t _quiet_ sure he could trust himself there.

“Of course,” the magister chuckled. “He went through with his plan to make you his heir, so I was really looking forward to finally get to meet you.”

“I hope to live up to his expectations.” Anders forced a smile on his face, watching the other man intensely. No one was supposed to know before Anders had been introduced to the crowd tonight. 

“I’m sure you do. Danarius and I have been friends for a very long time, I trust his judgement.”

Not so long ago, Anders would have reveled in that praise. He still did, to some extend but.. he saw the monster behind the old man Danarius was more clearly now with some distance between them.  
“Look,” Pius took a step closer to Anders and lowered his voice, “I didn’t get the chance before he,” he pointed behind Anders with his eyes,” disappeared, but Danarius kind of made a promise to me. I know Fenris is his favourite slave, but as I said, we’ve been friends for a long time and he promised me that I would get the chance to enjoy the elf’s company for a night. If you don’t mind, I would made use of that promise tonight.”

It took every bit of strength he had not to ball his fist as hot white rage ran through his blood, accompanied by fear. Everyone in this room saw Fenris as a _thing_ they could use how they saw fit and Anders _hated_ it. But there was also the fact that someone had clearly tried to harm Anders during their trip. And now there was Pius, knowing of Danarius’s plans, despite the fact that no one was _supposed_ to know - and he was trying to separate him from his bodyguard for the night. They should be extra careful. 

 

Pius was looking at him expectantly and Anders was glad that Fenris had told him it would come to this. At least so he’d had the time to come up with an excuse.. 

“I will gladly grant you that wish, magister Pius, but not tonight. See, it had been a long trip and I haven’t had the chance yet to enjoy Fenris’s company myself. I’m sure you understand.” Anders tried to give him an apologetic smile. “Maybe tomorrow?” 

Something sharp glinted in the magister’s eyes before he returned his smile. 

“Of course. Tomorrow then. Please excuse me now, I just saw my dear sister in law.”

Anders nodded and watched as the magister left to greet a young woman. If she really was his relative or just a means to leave their conversation, he didn’t know. Or care. Pius had shown no real interest to talk to him after all. He’d been after Fenris.. or something else. They had to be careful. 

“Magister Pius has a lot of power in the magisterium. You should not refuse his wishes like that again.” Came Alma’s whispered advice.

“I don’t care,” Anders muttered back, risking a glance at Fenris who seemed completely unaffected but what had just happened. “Besides.. he’s already friends with Danarius, right?”

“Sure but..you should make some friends on your own.” Alma fidgeted for a moment, as if nervous to continue. “And.. you need to learn your place as a future magister. He is a slave. I know you might think about those things differently but no one here will understand. Ever.”

Anders wanted to snap, wanted to fight and scream how _wrong_ that all was but.. he’d be gone in a few days. There was nothing he could really do about it anyway. Like Alma said, he was alone with how he saw things. So he just nodded and moved on, swallowing his words even though it left him with a bitter taste on his tongue. It didn’t take long until he was anew engaged in conversation. And though people still looked at Fenris and asked questions, no one dared to ask for such a favour. Most of them just wanted him to activate his lyrium. That was a wish, Anders was willing to fulfill. 

Soon food was served and Anders noticed his stomach rumble in anticipation. The food at Danarius’s house had always been good, but what Aigidius served was simply extraordinary. His mouth watered at the sight and more than once he slipped a bit of dry food into his pocket. Fenris wasn’t allowed to ear but Anders dearly wanted to share some of that experience with him. Later, when they were back in his room.  
More conversation was made and quickly his head swam with all the new names and information the evening had provided. Not all of it was useless: Anders now knew that a huge ship would leave Tevinter tomorrow by midday - to Ferelden, which was the reason someone brought it up in the first place. He’d even been encouraged to visit the market to buy goods from his homeland, which he agreed on with a smile, managing to keep most of his excitement in check. It would be the perfect excuse to leave the mansion without anyone batting an eye at him and Fenris. No one would suspect anything until they were gone when it hadn’t even been his idea to visit the market and harbour in the first place. Anders just had to make sure to leave early so by midday everything would be sorted out. 

Despite his excitement, Anders was suddenly very quickly starting to tire. His muscles ached and his feet were slightly dragging when he walked. It made him feel strangely vulnerable. The last few days had been exhausting and the party with tons of new people - Tevinter people living and breathing Tevinter rules and mindsets - didn’t really help his mind to come to rest. 

“Is there any place I can go to to have a few minutes to myself?” He asked Alma. After a worried look from her he continued. ”It’s.. a lot of new impressions and I just need a breather.”

“I understand,” she nodded with a thin smile. “Just don’t be too long or people will notice. A lot of them are watching you tonight. See the stairs at the far end of the hall? You can go up there to the balcony. As long as it’s food down here, no one else will be there. Do you want me to accompany you?” 

“No, thank you. I just need a few minutes of quiet.”

“Alright. But take Fenris with you. After what happened on the road it’s safer this way.”

Anders nodded and motioned for Fenris to follow, which he did obediently. Lazily he noticed an elven girl putting new flowers in the vases. They stood out a bit being mostly yellow and white instead of bright and colourful. But their blossoms hadn’t fully opened yet so maybe he’d be up for a surprise when he looked at them later.  
Absentmindedly he shook his head. He must be clearly tired if he got distracted by flowers. Herbs were a different thing - as a healer he was clearly interested in those, but he never saw himself as some kind of flower guy. Maybe it was a sign of him becoming sentimental with all the changes he’d gone through in Tevinter. 

Anders took the first few steps upstairs and couldn’t help but smile when he heard Fenris behind him. It made him feel more at ease, more relaxed. Still, every step felt like hard work to his tired muscles and if it would be up to him, he’d just lie down and sleep.. preferably cuddled up with Fenris. Did being tired always make him that emotional? Maybe the travel had taken its toll on him or maybe he was coming down with a cold or something.. Anders wasn’t sure. 

“Are you alright?” Fenris asked once they were upstairs on the balcony, far from curious stares. Here, they could talk to each other without curious glances from strangers. 

“Just a bit tired,” Anders answered with a smile. “Are you?”

Fenris shrugged his shoulders a bit stiffly. “I’m tired, too. Being here again feels a bit strange too.”

“Do you come here often?”

Fenris snorted and belatedly Anders noticed how this sounded like one of the worst pick-up line in Thedas. He gave the elf a crooked smile in lieu of further words his brain failed to come up with anyway. 

“I did, in fact.” Fenris shot him an amused look. “But never before in such nice company.”

Heat rushed to Anders’s face and his stomach, settling there to stay. “I agree.”

“That you’re nice company?” The amused spark in Fenris’s eyes only shone brighter.

Anders chuckled nervously. “Well.. yes. But. You know what I mean.”

“Mhm.. I think I still need you to say it. Just there are no misunderstandings, you know? Remember, I’m the muscle.”

“And half the face.”

Fenris smirked. “Is that so?”

“I think we’ve established that before.” Why was he feeling so nervous all of a sudden? It was like his tiredness had sent his usual cocky demeanor to sleep. “You have a nice face.” _Maker._ What was wrong with him?

Fenris took a few steps closer to Anders and the mage felt his heart making a little nervous jump. Fenris was still smiling, his face relaxed and open. Anders didn’t remember ever seeing him like this before.. he really.. had a nice face. 

“Thank you.” Fenris’s voice was more like a whisper. 

“What for?” Anders was surprised he could still form words. There was something in the air, a tension between them that made his skin tingle.

“For everything. For going through with your plan and.. for earlier. With.. magister Pius. I know I said I didn’t mind but, it’s still nice that you..”

“I won’t allow anyone to touch you.”

“What about you?” 

“Huh?”

“You said you won’t allow anyone to touch me.” 

Anders brain worked in slow motion. “You now I didn’t mean what I said to Pius, right? I didn’t plan to.. I.. won’t hurt you.”

“I’m not talking about hurting me.” Fenris took another step closer to him and Anders felt like he should do something, react in any way. But he failed to figure out what was going on.. so instead he just watched as Fenris put his hand on his chest, following it with his own eyes. It traveled upwards, to his collarbone and Anders shivered, upwards to his neck where it snacked around its back. Anders looked at the man in front of him who was still watching his own hand - his thumb stroking Anders’s skin - and smiling faintly. 

“Fenris?” he whispered.

But Fenris didn’t react with words. Instead he got up on his toes and pressed his lips to Anders’s mouth in one quick, fluid motion. Everything went still inside Anders and he froze in shock for a split second, before he felt himself melt against the elf’s body and wrap his arms tightly around him. Bright happiness exploded behind his closed eyes and set him on fire. It was a chaste kiss, Fenris lips were a bit dry and definitely adding too much pressure, but to Anders it was perfect and he wouldn’t change a thing.  
Fenris’s body was warm against his own and through the thin fabric of the elf’s tunic, he would feel his heartbeat nearly beating his fast as his own. Anders shivered at the sensation. 

Was this really happening? Was he really standing here with Fenris kissing him on the balcony during.. a Tevinter party. 

The heaviness of their situation came crashing down on Anders after that brief moment of pure bliss. Reluctantly, he pulled away. Fenris, who seemed to open his eyes only reluctantly and with some effort, shot him a confused look. Already hurt could be seen in them, ready to blossom. Anders gave him an apologetic smile, trying to make it as reassuring as possible. It just.. was a bad timing, nothing else. He _wanted_ this and opened his mouth to tell Fenris so, when, suddenly, a loud noise caused him instead to jump from the other man.  
His heart immediately thudded loudly in his chest for fear of discovery, where only moments before it had been beating like this for an entirely different reason. Fenris on the other hand quickly went into a perfect fighting position, way more collected than Anders. 

But the noise seemed to be restricted to the hall and no one came up to them. Anders and Fenris looked at each other, nodded and slowly walked towards the stairs, trying to hide behind the balustrade. With a quick look downstairs, Anders tried to get a skim of their situation. What he saw though puzzled him and he shot a confused look to Fenris.  
Guests were lying on the floor or hung over the tables everywhere, dead or unconscious. Anders could make out magister Pius sprawled out in the middle of the room. Only a few guards were still up and fighting a bunch of masked.. what? Assassins? Anders didn’t know, didn’t even care when he saw one of them crawling up the stairs. 

_They’d been spotted._

Fenris reacted promptly, rushing down the stairs with a snarl and into their attacker. The man was knocked off his feet immediately but up again in only a second. Anders saw Fenris gripping the hilt of his dagger, sneering, just to sink to his knees only moments after.  
The elf’s name rang in his ears. It sounded like his own voice, though he didn’t remember screaming. What had his attacker done to him? At the corner of his eyes he noticed another masked figure approaching him. Where had this one come from? He didn’t really care at the moment. Fenris’s limp body was shouldered by his attacker as if he weighed nothing. Anders had to get to him! They were too close to being free, too close to be able to go _home_. A quick look around and Anders knew that they didn’t really have a chance of winning. The guests were out cold, only few guards were still standing, as were a few slaves and servants but those were unarmed. 

Where was Alma? No, he didn’t care. Couldn’t care. All he cared about right now was Fenris and their freedom. He had to stay focused, had to get him out. Anders mind worked frantically.

Justice. The spirit was the only one who could help him now. He had to get rid of the collar. 

Anders took a few steps backwards, evading the slowly approaching figure in front of him as he fumbled with his collar. The guy was trying to talk to him, possibly mock him but Anders was too busy keeping an eye on Fenris, the whole situation at hand and finding a solution for the thing that held Justice in check. 

Ice. Metal would break under extreme temperatures. It was risky, there was the possibility that he’d hurt himself but it was the only way. He had to save Fenris. 

With one last look at the elf he channeled his mana into this one spell, trying to build up as much power as possible. He closed his eyes when he let the element lose on his collar, so close to his neck and pulsing veins. The cold alone almost choked him, cut into him like a knife but he couldn’t give up just yet. There was a lot of screaming, but he ignored it. 

A tiny crack was all he heard before the metal _finally_ fell to the floor. He hurt. He knew when this was all done, he would probably need healing from the cold burn that had spread around his neck. 

He casted one last challenging look at his attacker, who stood a few steps away, holding up his hands in defense. Well, they probably hadn’t thought him a mage, if they didn’t know who he was already. 

_Justice_ , he called out in his head, ready to let the spirit take over. ‘I need you!’

But nothing happened. Panic surged through him, gripping at his heart tightly and almost as cold as the spell that had forced the metal around his neck to break. His eyes snapped up to Fenris, who was carried out of the hall. The thought of losing him choked him and he tried one last, desperate attempt at getting rid of his attacker and getting to Fenris. But when he pulled at the rest of his mana to call upon another spell, his mind suddenly went dark. The last thing he heard was someone screaming his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm.. not sure what I did here


End file.
